[One-Shot ~ PG-13] Spy Movie

[wingzerosnuggles]

Title: Spy Movie
Continuity: Figurative Brotherhood
Length: One-shot
Pairings: 1xR, hints of 5xM, 5xS and 2xH
Prompt: None
Teaser: Who the hell reads the summary before going to watch a movie? Heero "I always have to be frigging prepared, and thoroughly study and review my material" Yuy.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5227951/4/F ... rotherhood

Disclaimer: GW = not mine

Author's Note: So here's the sequel to Team Players. Some 5xM and 5xS. My first time writing those pairings so pardon me. Also, as much as I'd like to take credit for "gorn," it's an actual TV trope. :p

Figurative Brotherhood
by mistress amethyst une

Spy Movie
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~Article 29~

If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40 PM. Also, despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

--taken from The Bro Code by Barney Stinson with Matt Kuhn, p. 44
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Wufei regretted following his idiot comrade on this fool's errand. He wasn't the least bit interested in the cheap thrill of a horror flick. Most certainly, he didn't want to be caught dead seeing one with Duo at his side. People liked to assume things about pretty boys, especially two of them sitting together at a movie where couples often used fear (feigned or legitimate) as an excuse to snuggle and make-out. He was not pretty. He would never use that adjective to describe himself, and anyone referring to him as such would have hell to pay. Sally barely got away with pinching his cheeks, and he'd be damned if anyone mistook him for a pretty boy out on a man date.

He was a warrior, damn it. At the very least, his attractiveness level as a male was on par with "heartbreakingly handsome Heero Yuy." Sally had way too much time on her hands when she came up with that damned stupid alliterative nickname. How did Yuy end up with something like that when all she could do for Wufei was occasionally mock him with "Wuffles?" Honestly! The woman was doing her best to peeve him. She treated him like a child who needed to be mothered. He wanted her to see him as something more, someone who could-

He didn't need to get into his issues with Sally right now. No, he didn't. Thinking about that brought up all sorts of weird thoughts about him being a teenage widower and her being a semi-cougar. Complications, issues with dating a co-worker, problems with dating an older woman, potential rejection, his dead wife's voice scolding him about his fear of falling in love minus prior arrangements...

"The elders are no longer around to select an acceptable wife for you," Meilan would say. "We were a good match but isn't it about time you moved on? You let me go when you destroyed your machine. You let me go to join this woman. Make a move, coward."

No. Just no. He did not need to get into that now. Damn it, Nataku. Not now!

Wufei sighed to himself, trying to focus on the problem at hand. How would he deal with the current situation if someone he knew spotted him? Perhaps if he phoned in a quick bomb threat after the show, he could justify his presence with Duo as a legitimate part of the peacekeeping process. Why exactly was he at the 6pm show with a pair of 3D glasses and a bag of popcorn if he found the situation so detestable?

"There they are," whispered Duo as a familiar couple walked the center aisle to their seats in the third row. Wufei and Duo immediately ducked, observing in as discreet a manner as possible.

Yuy.

To be specific, Yuy with what looked like a smile on his face.

A smile for the girl on his arm...

Heero was at his most vulnerable, and Wufei yearned to observe. Relena brought out a side of Heero that left Wufei at a loss. Just what was it about this woman that could render Wing Zero's pilot into something less than lethal?

When Heero and Relena were finally seated, Wufei and Duo assumed the proper movie going position and extricated themselves from the small hollow meant for housing human legs as opposed to the hardly contortionist bodies of two voyeuristic Preventer agents. An eighth row vantage point was excellent in terms of strategy and safety considering the small theater was only twelve rows deep. Not too close, not too far...

Duo nudged Wufei, slipping him the night vision goggles they were going to use for this little "mission." The pair was almost identical to the 3D glasses the theater used. No issues about standing out. Not that it was difficult to fade into the background once darkness set in...

"You can adjust the magnification on those," said Duo, handing Wufei an earpiece. "Ain't technology grand? Also bugged their seats so we can hear 'em."

Wufei hastily put on his earpiece and activated it to accept the audio feed. He only just managed to pull his popcorn out of reach as Duo's thieving hands grabbed at the bag.

"Buy your own, Maxwell. Real men don't share."

"I paid for your ticket!"

"I'm more than willing to pay you back in full. You'll just give it back anyway. Forgot the bet you just lost?"

Duo grumbled. "Just deduct it from my balance then."

A rather affectionate couple traipsed into Duo and Wufei's row, caught up in their giggling kissing fit as they tread on Wufei's feet.

"Now wait just-"

Duo grabbed him and down they went. Wufei's head crashed against the seat in front of him as Duo once more shoved the two of them into the compact space intended as leg room.

"Are you nuts?" hissed Duo. "Heero could've heard you!"

Duo peered up from their hiding place and, sure enough, the perfect soldier had stood up to scan the room for the source of Wufei's disgruntled voice. The young couple, that prompted the disturbance, was hardly distracted by Duo and Wufei's strange behavior. The girl opted to sit next to Wufei as her boyfriend took the seat to her left. Just wonderful...

"I thought I heard something," said Heero's voice in Wufei's earpiece.

Oh shit...

"I didn't hear anything," replied Relena's voice. "Why don't you sit down? I'm sure it was nothing. Probably just somebody who sounded familiar."

A long drawn out silence...

"Probably," said Heero, sounding thoroughly unconvinced.

"And he sat back down," sighed Duo in as quiet a tone as he could muster. "Still looking behind him though. Ok, she's got his face between her hands now, forcing him to look at her... "

"What is it that's got you so distracted?" she asked.

"It's nothing. Just-"

"Nothing is nothing. That's it. Heero, just do me a favor and sit back."

"Hn..."

"And now she's let him go and they're keeping their eyes on the screen," reported Duo. "Still, best we stay down until it gets dark. Thanks a lot, Wufei."

The small theatre slowly filled up. A few minutes later, darkness fell as previews were flashed onscreen. Wufei and Duo reclaimed their seats though Wufei did so with a lot less enthusiasm considering the action happening beside him. The girl to his left was apparently done making out but that didn't stop her boyfriend from pressing the occasional kiss against certain parts of her anatomy. Her hair, cheeks, shoulders, arms... Seemed the boy was working his way down. And all that infernal giggling! Wufei didn't con Duo into paying for a movie ticket to spy on Heero for this annoyance. He knew very well that this was an R rated movie but not in the pornographic sense. For strong violence and gore, was it? Perhaps he could arrange for some real life violence and gore of his own for the annoyingly affectionate lovebirds. He could produce and pioneer the gore porn industry with this first flick. Gorn... That had a nice ring to it.

Annoyance aside, there wasn't much going on with the couple Wufei had taken an interest in. Using his night vision goggles on high magnification, he could plainly see that Relena had rested her head against Heero's shoulder. That was it. Not a peep out of the two of them.

Slumping down in his seat, he threw a sideways glance to his right. It seemed Duo was more intrigued by the movie than the mission. For once, Wufei couldn't blame him. Heero and Relena were acting about as interesting as a pair of socks. Might as well watch what the money he'd extorted from Duo was paying for. It would be a waste of popcorn not to-

Duo practically jumped out of his seat as both his earpiece and Wufei's crackled to life.

"You scared?" teased Relena's voice in a hushed tone as the action onscreen featured an axe wielding murderer coming at a scantily clad teenage girl.

"Do you want me to be?" asked Heero quietly, employing his usual deadpan tone.

"Someone's learned how to be smooth," smirked Duo, suppressing a chuckle.

"People pleaser," she chided.

"No, just you."

"Very smooth," added Duo, increasing the magnification on his goggles as Heero leaned over to kiss Relena.

Neither of the two objects of Wufei and Duo's scrutiny screamed when the screen was bathed in blood as the girl was chopped to pieces. Relena gave a slight whimper when Heero released her.

"I thought we weren't going to be openly affectionate in public," she jokingly scolded, her tone sounded almost like panting, betraying the fact that she was out of breath.

"It's dark, and we'll perform lewd acts sparingly," declared Heero matter-of-factly. "It's the custom- Oof!"

"She elbowed him," sighed Duo. "Score one for the princess."

"Don't get chatty, Heero," she whispered playfully. "It's rude."

"Nobody can hear us."

Wufei nearly burst out laughing at that statement. He and Duo could hear Heero and Relena loud and clear. So sex appeal was what made the perfect soldier weak in the knees, was it? Well, not exactly the knees. Weak between the knees. Weak a little bit above between the knees...

"Can I kiss you every time somebody dies?" offered Heero.

"What the hell?" blurted Duo and Wufei in unison.

This earned them a chorus of "shh" from their fellow moviegoers. They ignored it, knowing very well the outrage had to be voiced. Heero and Relena didn't seem to notice, probably attributing the small "shh" disturbance as meant for someone making loud commentary to what was onscreen.

"Morbid, don't you think?" inquired Relena.

"Duh!" thought Duo, shaking his head.

"Not really. And we'd actually be quite conservative considering the number of deaths in this movie. I read the online summary before picking you up."

"Idiot!" Duo yearned to scream as he smacked himself in the forehead. Who the hell reads the summary before going to watch a movie? Heero "I always have to be frigging prepared, and thoroughly study and review my material" Yuy.

"Oh, did you?" challenged Relena. "Going to threaten me into submission with spoilers?"

"If I remember correctly, you like threats."

"Only from you."

"Yuck..." thought Wufei. There was a fine line between smooth and sappy. In a weird way, Relena had just crossed it.

"So can I kiss you every time somebody dies?" repeated Heero.

"Would that be less than ten?"

"More than ten, less than twenty."

"Iffy..."

"Just settle on a number already," pleaded Duo silently. "The movie's actually pretty good, and I'm sacrificing 3D to watch you two drip sap."

Wufei crunched away at his popcorn, only half-listening to his earpiece now.

"Betting the survivor will be a girl," he whispered, nudging Duo. "Want to get your movie money back?"

"They're boring you, too?"

"Not exactly. To borrow one of your terms, they're 'grossing me out.' Always thought Heero was... Well, look beside me to get a preview of what they'll probably doing in a few minutes."

The couple beside Wufei was necking, going at it like clothed animals. Thankfully, the movie was a special effects whore. The scene playing involved motorcycles and flaming chainsaws slicing and charring human flesh. This made the live mating rituals slightly easier to ignore.

"That's five dead," announced Wufei. "Turning off your earpiece?"

Duo groaned, hearing Relena's muffled moans against Heero's mouth. "Turning off the earpiece," confirmed Duo. "Swapping night vision for 3D? There's a kick ass dismemberment scene later. Saw it in the trailer..."

"Swapping," agreed Wufei, returning the night vision goggles to Duo and putting on his 3D specs. "Here, take the popcorn. Lost my appetite."

"I thought real men didn't share."

"I'm not sharing. I'm giving. Also, do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Kill me if I ever end up like Yuy."

"Oh come on. It's not that bad. I'm just like that with Hilde."

"Again, kill me."

"Look, it's fine if you don't mentally scar people around you. We got what we deserved for spying. Heero and Relena are strictly professional otherwise. Let them have their semi-exhibitionist fantasy. It's half the fun of the movies for some couples."

Wufei reflected on that notion. Exhibitionism? Would that be Sally's cup of tea? If he ever asked her out, would things end up like this? Would they spout nonsense to each other? Could he be as open with her as Heero was with Relena? Joke with her? Accept her teasing with a smile? Wufei sighed. She'd have to say yes to him asking her out first. Was there even a chance in hell of that?

"Hey," said Duo. "Just got an idea. Heero's on assignment with Relena in Siberia next week. Hilde and I are going to see a movie. Wanna come with? Bring a friend or something. Sally's probably game."

"Horror flick?"

"Action movie set in the 20th century. Lots of stuff blowing up. Big guns. War. Tanks. Not a lot of couples go. It's not make-out fodder. Prepare to shed manly tears though."

Wufei snorted. "Doubt that. Hm...well, I did do a lot of studies on the World Wars of the 20th century. Sally has ancestors who fought in those wars. I'll- I'll ask her."

"Cool," smiled Duo. "And I'm not kidding. Bring a box of tissues. I took Heero and the princess to one of those once and he-"

"Yuy cried?"

"This close," admitted Duo, holding an unpopped kernel between his thumb and forefinger. "Almost had him. Bet you'll cry."

Wufei laughed. "You're on."

[NenaKR]

This one had me snickering under my breath at work the whole time I read it. VERY funny

[wingzerosnuggles]

Thanks, honey. It was my first time writing Wufei so I was kinda nervous. :sweatdrop:

Glad you liked it. The next installment involves Relena and a box of porn. Gawd, my ideas get more and more nuts as time goes on. >_>

[Wingnut]

Glad you liked it. The next installment involves Relena and a box of porn. Gawd, my ideas get more and more nuts as time goes on. >_>

As long as the people remain in character, it shouldn't matter what situation you put them in. Breaking character is the cardinal sin of fanfic writing, and so far I have not seen you break it in the context of the situation.

[wingzerosnuggles]

I'm glad to know that. OOC is a difficult bullet to dodge. Been doing fine avoiding it so far. I've already worked a way around the next scenario which will make it plausible enough... :p Here's hoping I pull it off.