With my deadline for posting it, I never had the chance to back away and possibly enjoy the story. So I have no feel for how the lemon turned out. I haven't had any complaints about the lemon, but I've more or less been expecting some - because I struggle so much with them that I'm always...unsure about how they turn out.whimsy007 wrote:Yet another well written story from blackrose that successfully balances strong emotions and the erotic (continues waving hand to help cool down).
I am absolutely positive that you're correct about whether I could have caused confusion, but since I saw Pulp Fiction (years ago), I believe in telling a story in the way that makes the most dramatic since and that way isn't always the most linear.The style you chose for this story could easily have caused confusion, but you pulled it off.
I think the non-linear story type can be abused, and I think there are a number of times it is used to draw attention away from the fact the story is about nothing. But, about 9 times out of 10, the scenes in the stories I write appear exactly in the order they come to me. The exception this time was I wrote the first scene last even though I knew from the beginning what it would be. I couldn't deal with being inside Heero's head in jail until I'd spent the time in his head writing the other pieces.
It's funny because I never worry about that part - whether the non-linear fashion will confuse people. And yet it would absolutely be the part of the overall work that would get me most into trouble with professional writers critiquing my work. *laughs*
I am working on more fics. I have a very short one I wrote a couple of weeks ago that needs some (small?) amount of editing. I have the next chapter in my detective story to post. And then I've started with a rewrite of my prologue to The Fourth Dimension...Those are all for Gundam Wing.I stand in awe and envy of your writing talents and I hope that you are working on more fics.
I also write fics for 2 other fandoms (have semi-promised to drabble something in a 3rd), and am taking a writing class to learn how to write short stories/non-fiction articles for publication.
I write six days a week, and often times it's the only other thing I manage to squeeze in to my day besides sleeping, eating, and working. It's a really really bad week when I don't have time for writing, because sleeping and eating time have been known to be cut in order to fit it in with my working schedule (work is rather...aggressive).
Which is the rather long way of saying... People can't escape my ficcage.
I tried to explain some of that with it being maximum security and in solitary confinement... From Heero's perspective, however, he had nothing to escape FOR (or to). She was it. And if she didn't want him...It's scary how easily this situation could have served as a setup for a tragedy or a major angstfic. How could they be certain that Heero wouldn't make a (probably successful) escape attempt?
But, you're right. Someone could have turned this into a Shakespearean tragedy of the Romeo and Juliet type. But, I'm not that cruel, and I believe that love conquers all.
In the first case, I'm assuming you mean that what if someone had been injured or killed - someone being those who know why he's in there, etc.? And in that case, Relena would still know. There were enough people in various departments that it would have taken a really difficult coincidence, very massive explosion or deus ex macina with that specific intention in order for Heero to be left in prison because people those who knew why he was there were injured or killed. And again, I had no motivation to screw him over that badly.What would have happened if others had been seriously injured or even killed? What if Heero had been badly injured or killed? Why did Une go along with a plan that could have blown up (literally) badly? What if he did end up on the run from ESUN military intelligence and the Preventers?
Une went along with it because along with Relena, she believed it was the only way to protect Heero from himself. She took great pains to keep it from blowing up in her face. The only hint we got to that effect was Heero's imagination that he'd seen people he recognized on the inside of the prison, only to look back and they were gone. But Une tells us he has no imagination.
Since it was all Heero's POV, it was the only thing I could do to give that particular hint, besides have Relena give him the bit of explanation towards the end.
Oh. Agreed. You're completely right. The only thing you missed is how much torture he would have endured before the breakout.If Intelligence had sent him to some third world country prison then a breakout would practically have been guaranteed, and given the way prisoners are often treated in such facilities, Heero probably would not have been especially careful to avoid casualties.
Well. To me the story is quite serious, but I get what you mean. Would I or have I considered writing this as a larger story, going into the investigation, I'm assuming Heero's time in jail, etc. The stuff that happened from the perspective of all the people involved not just the romantic sufferings / pinings of Heero and Relena.Have you considered doing a regular story, i.e. not written for a particular contest, using the same setup, but taking it in a more serious direction?
The answer to that question is, I hadn't. However, you aren't the first person who suggested such a thing. I think I've had at least 3 or 4 others ask me the same question....
It's not to say that I won't consider it. At this point, however, I have no itention to write that part of the story. May change in 5 minutes (that elusive 'inspiration' animal strikes rather suddenly), but that's the answer I have at the moment.
Thank you for the very nice review. My apologies for the length of my reply, I can tend to ramble. But thank you very much for all the feedback and the compliments. I appreciate very much that you took the time.
Much love,
Rose
Glad to hear Fourth Dimension is still in the works, I was dreading it was stoped. But I guess one always has to wait for good things.
