I’m trying to keep myself awake, but this paperwork is infinitely less interesting than checking my pockets for lint. No one expects me to understand most of the legal jargon in it anyway, since all they want from me is a signature and a smile. I do my best anyway, because that’s all anyone can do after all, and I’ve picked up some tricks over the last few years. Not that it makes up for a college education or formal training, but I’ve done the best I can with tutors and no one has mentioned any problems yet. Then again, I’ve got enough people around me and working with me that any mistake I make is quickly smoothed over by someone else. It’s like I gained a dozen parents for the few I’ve lost.

Then again, sometimes it feels like the memory of being a child was erased almost as soon as it had time to form. We all felt like that during the war, so old and so young at the same time. Really, now that I look back on it, we were much younger than we thought we were, for all the responsibilities we took on. We were all posture and bluff back by some advanced weaponry and a little political influence. The right place at the right time, that’s where our skill was, and the ability to exploit it. If I hadn’t made my speech correctly, I could be dead from Heero’s bullet right now. Then I wouldn’t be sitting here with all this paperwork in front of me.

I have to keep reminding myself that that’s a bad thing. I’m where I am right now because of success, and living is not exactly intolerable. There is peace, there is relative stability, and I can even start looking towards having some semblance of a life.

Or I would, if a certain stubborn, antisocial, semi-suicidal, security officer didn’t balk me at every turn. I decide to go out, and he tells me he needs at least a day’s notice to secure a location. I tell him I’m going for a drive, and suddenly my lone excursion becomes a mass exodus of security vans. There is no privacy, no way to be spontaneous or creative. It’s like he’s trying to break my spirit. I know that that cannot be his goal, but that’s the effect he’s getting.

*snap*

Oh damn, my pen just ran off the side of the paper. Somehow I don’t think I can pass off this great big line down the page as a copier error. This means redoing forms. What a terrible phrase. I wish I didn’t have to ask my assistant to do something that proves just how careless I’ve been recently. This has to stop.

*crack*

I don’t think there are enough swear words to encapsulate how much that hurt. Who would have thought pressing down on the stupid button would be enough to break a nail? Seriously, this had got to be some sort of cosmic revenge.

“Yes, Miss Darlian?”

“Could you get me a second copy of page 25 of the new treaty revision?”

“Of course, Miss Darlian.”

“Oh yes, and can you request Mr. Yuy to come to my office as soon as it’s convenient?”

“It could take him quite some time, Miss Darlian.”

“That’s fine, it isn’t urgent.”

“I’ll get right on it.”

What my wonderful, efficient assistant does not grasp is that as soon as Heero gets the message he will most likely drop whatever he’s doing to come see me. As hard as he is to actually manipulate, I have learned a few little tricks over time. If only that concern were a little more personalized, then I think maybe I wouldn’t be so restless.

. . . Bah.

Though it isn’t like I absolutely need a person in my life like that. I wouldn’t have hardly any time to see them, I tend to forget most major holidays and birthdays, I’m pretty demanding in general. . . think positive Relena, you deserve something nice. Don’t try to talk yourself out of it, like you always rationalize yourself out of fun.

*knock knock*

I don’t have to tell him to come in he knows well enough to. . . ah there he is. Looking as angry as always. At least now I know it isn’t really anger, more an annoyance at existence. It doesn’t seem to live up to his exacting standards, it’s too messy. I wonder if he gets that mad at his hair. He never got it in any semblance of order either. Ha, his eyebrow just arched. He wants to know why I just chuckled, but I know he won’t ask. Fine, I won’t tell him.

“What did you need me for?”

You. Me. Bed. Now.

I mean, erm, what did I need him for anyway?

“I wanted to speak to you about my lack of privacy these days.”

“I thought I explained to you that the requests you expect me to abide by are not acceptable. You put yourself in undue danger. We get at least two death threats a week towards you. I’m sure you’re aware that security has to be tight.” I wish for once he’d just try to look at it from my perspective.

“I understand your concerns, but I promise you Heero Yuy, if you don’t give me some time to myself I will run away and not even give you a clue to where I went.”

Mmm. He’s leaning so close. I know he’s trying to threaten me into relenting, but when he eyes me like that over the desk I just want to burst out laughing. I absolutely love provoking him like that. Maybe this is like a mini mental vacation for me. Gah. He should go a little easier on the cologne next time though, my nose is beginning to itch.

“I can’t let you do that Relena. Don’t make me take drastic action.”

“And what would that be? You can’t lock me in a room like a naughty child. I am an adult and deserve to be treated like one. The less you resemble a mother hen, the happier I’ll be.” Wow. That was a lot angrier than I meant to sound. When he issues ultimatums like that I just get to upset. Maybe I’m pretty predictable as well, but I won’t relent on this point. I will get a day off if it kills me.

“A mother hen?” Fine, it was a stupid analogy. He doesn’t have to give me that smirk.

“Yes. Cluck cluck, Henny Penny.” Now I sound like a grade schooler. How come thus happens when I’m left with him for too long. I have forms to get back to. Oh lord, he’s even closer now. I could just lean forward and press my lips to. . .

“Relena, I don’t think you understand how important you are.”

To me. Add ‘to me’ to that sentence and I will melt into a puddle right in front of you.

“It may surprise you to hear this, but I’m human you know. I need some space sometimes. Don’t you? Sometimes I wonder if you really are human.” When did you get to be such a bitch Relena? I mean, that was pretty harsh. You don’t actually think he’s inhuman. Somehow I don’t think the way he’s narrowing his eyes is a good thing.

“Not human?”

I’m not going to say anything else. I’ll only do more damage to this situation than good. He’s the only diplomatic mission I always seem to fail.

Ouch. Oh god oh god oh god oh god. That hurts it hurts his hands hurt my wrist is going to break and then what will I do I can’t cope with this he’s too close I need to get away oh please god let me get out of this alive.

. . . .

“I’m just as human as you. And you aren’t going anywhere.”

. . . .

*steps*

*click*

What just happened there?

He just kissed me, didn’t he?

What am I supposed to do, think, say to him now? Is this some sort of declaration? I want it to be, but that doesn’t make it any more than what it was.

He’ll pay for this. For this indecision, for this torment. After years of waiting I’m not taking this attack without answering aggression. No, Heero Yuy, this is war.

And if I must say so, I think my weapons are superior.

At the same time, I’ll concede this battle as I suddenly don’t want to leave his presence. . . but the war will be mine.