So, I thought this would be fun.  I always wanted to write some comedy… some who knows… so hence a lot of dream sequences.  Fun cop out, ne?

Chapter 1

It had been another long day.  Every muscle burned with the need for sleep.  The flight had been so long, and what with all the questions she had to answer at the press conference when she landed, she didn’t have any time to rest there.  As she had moved through the crowds Heero had been especially beastly about keeping others away.  For some reason he had been so angry, and as always Relena felt like it was her fault.  What had she done wrong?  It seemed to her like he didn’t need to be so gruff.  And then there was the bomb threat… no she refused to think of that debacle.  Everyone was so alarmed and the screaming and crying was terrible.  These colony people never seemed to know how to handle things like this.  Violence so rarely visited them.  The Earth had been torn in war, but most of the colonies seem to have survived in this bubble of safety.  She would make sure they stayed safe.

Once everything had calmed down and Relena had sat down to rest, that’s when she had gotten the call from her brother from Earth.  Milliardo was concerned about the false bomb warning.  He was the first of many calls after her.  It was nice people cared, but all she really wanted was sleep.  Then Heero had come in to tell her all the precautions she needed to take. . . and she snapped.

“I said I don’t give a DAMN!  I want sleep!  Do you hear me, I haven’t had a moment of rest in over 30 hours and even if you are some inhuman monster I am not and I NEED SLEEP!”

It was a shameful moment for her.  She blushed to even think of it, how she must have indeed resembled a monster with her bloodshot and baggy eyes staring out from her haggered face.  Like some sort of witch.  And such shameful behavior in front of Heero.  Sighing, she thought of how she could phrase her apology tomorrow.  No matter.  Rubbing the back of her neck with one hand in a nervous gesture, she walked over to the bed in the relatively nice hotel room she had gotten at the last minute.  Yet another one of Heero’s safety measures to throw people off her trail after the threat.  All the same, she thought she could just as easily had stayed in the nice penthouse room with its large bed and soft sheets.  No matter, she may be spoiled, but she should take this in good grace.

With a mumbled curse in Heero’s general direction, Relena’s head hit the pillow.  And there was only blackness.
________
Relena, Queen of Sanq, Enchantress Peacecraft, etc.  She had many names, and they all inspired such awe in people to talk of her.  Her beauty and grace was already legendary.  Hair a rich gold, long and falling in waves about her head complemented by eyes as blue as the sky before sunset and as shining as fresh water in sunlight.  Lips like a delicate pink rose, skin as translucent as, er, something translucent.  Ballads had been written to her beauty, and she had many marriage offers from rich lords.  The most notable ones were from Duke Barton and Baron Treize.  Both worthy men, and very powerful.  Yet, even so the Queen was not interested.  She had no more passion in her life.  Once she had united the peoples of the land under the banner of her peace (with the help of her powerful magic) there had been little to do.  Marriage was almost acceptable just to relieve the boredom.

The Enchantress flowed down the stairs towards the marble receiving hall.  As always, Duke Barton was there to greet her.  He kissed her hand and she tilted her head to the side to crinkle her face into a small expected smile.

“And how is my lady this day?”  He spoke quietly.  Indeed he was a nice man, and quite handsome.  But Relena felt that marriage to him would be a bit like being married to a wooden puppet.  She would be the one pulling the strings.  “My dear Trowa, won’t you please pass me the salt?”  ::Relena gets up and lifts Trowa bodily out of the chair, drags him plus salt over:: ‘Here you are my love.’ ::that said speaking from the corner of her mouth in a deep voice::  “Why thank you.”  ::She drags him bodily back to his chair at the other end of the table::  She giggled at her daydream.

“My lady?”  Poor Trowa had no idea why she laughed.

At least Treize wasn’t there.  That man certainly did not embody the ideals of peace and love she stood for.  But he had so much capability to cause trouble she couldn’t turn him down just yet.  What a stupid situation.  She stamped a foot down, and then immediately hopped around in pain due to having stomped a slipper shod foot onto marble.  Trowa watched in consternation as Relena limped away from him without a word.  He was used to her odd behavior.  She made her way to her thrown and sat down heavily in it sideways.  Her brocaded dress was heavy, and the corset made it hard to breathe.  Whomever had thought they were a good thing for women should be shot, and yet Relena needed to keep up her beauteous image.  Damn it.  Braiding her wand in and out of her hair, she wondered what she should do.  Then her world exploded.

Turrets and pieces of mosaic rained down on the floor, cracking the marble and exposing the clear sky to everyone inside, (of whose number was rapidly deminishing).  Some screamed.  Most ran.  Relena fumed.  A scaly head and arm craned over to fill up the hole in the ceiling.  Naturally it was a dragon.  The sworn enemies of the Princess of Peace.  She could take care of this with her trusty wand!. . . which was impossibly braided into her hair and hence useless.

This was bad.

The dragon gave a strange gutteral chuckle, that somehow took on a life of its own and became manic, filling the room with smoke.  Anyone left could no longer see, only hear the dragon and its insane laughter.

“I’ve come to kill you, Enchantress!”  It finally said.  The smoke swirled around it and her, as it cleared.  Making her eyes water.  She tried to look defiant despite the dust and squinty eyes.

“Bugger off!  I’m not in the mood for this today!”  In reality she was thrilled.  This was the first challenge she’d had in a decade.

The dragon was perplexed.  Most of his experiences had involved destroying villages and occasionally pillaging castles for treasure.  But that had been long ago before the Enchantress.  The council of dragons had met and decided it was in their best interests to get rid of this woman for the sake of their profit margins.  Hordes of treasure didn’t just multiply on their own or anything.  Constant additions were needed to raise the open market value.  Soon stocks would fall and everyone would be deflated back to being poor.  Whoever heard of a poor dragon?  It was silly.  So the Enchantress had to go.  Heero had been volunteered as the least vocal one at the meeting to go kill her.  That’s what he gets for being quiet.

“Hn.”  The growl was thoughtful.

“I said, leave!  Are you stupid?”  Relena found it was often easy to just treat dangerous things like small children.  Usually they were too stupid to fight against a strong will and stern countenance.  The dragon looked down at her with a terrible scowl.  Indeed this was curious.  Such a defiant little flesh bag.  But then it occurred to him, she was beautiful and a princess.  He had a duty as a dragon to dispose of her, but no one told him how.  So he decided to do what all dragons are destined to do to beautiful princesses: he took her with him.

As she was picked up bodily by the dragon Relena felt a grim sense of terror for a moment.  This was not the way things should happen.  The dragon turned her upside down and looked at her as all her hair got messed up and all the blood rushed to her face making it even more than just the angry red it was previously, and turning it a horrifying blotchy crimson.  “EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”  She screamed in accordance to the training all princesses receive as part of traditional etiquette.  The dragon snorted in satisfaction.  That was more like it.

As it turned out, her scream became real enough as she realized her royal underwear was on full display to anyone who was looking up.  That damn dragon.  “You pervert!”  Came her somewhat muffled yell as the skirts flopped over the claw at her waist and her head.  The dragon could care less what the princess was yelling, he was more interested in the man striding purposefully towards him with a sword.  It was time to make an expeditious retreat.  The maniacal growling laughter began again as he took off, a very angry Relena in tow.

“Saaaaaaavvvvveee meeeeeeeeeeeee”  Her voice faded into the distance as light once again filled the once closed hallway.  Trowa sighed and put away his sword.  He’d need more than just his own arms to finish of a dragon.  Immediately he set off to find Treize.