Desires of the Heart
Chapter 9
By zapenstap
Heero tried to keep his mind on his work.
He did odd jobs for the most part, usually from home on the computer, though occasionally he would do something elsewhere. His listings were online, under a variety of disguise identities, in addition to the more secret track for Gundam Pilot 01. People called him regularly to do things when they felt they needed an expert. He rarely interacted physically with his beneficiaries; most everything was done anonymously. A lot of the time, people weren’t aware of his age or history; they just heard rumors about so-and-so. Heero was valuable as a hire because he maintained a good work ethic, never did anything illegal, always accomplished the job and kept a low profile. Usually he was hired as something of a detective, locating lost money or persons or transactions. Sometimes he did other things. Occasionally he even assisted the Preventors on a case, but not too often. When there were no jobs of that sort coming in, he worked construction, or with mechanics. All in all, he was able to pay the bills.
Heero kept his mind on his work, but it wasn’t enough. Relena was in space and he found himself thinking about her. She called him every day, sometimes twice a day, and he found himself looking forward to those calls. Because of security reasons, it was difficult to call her, but the waiting kept him interested. Otherwise it was just living, going through the motions of his day in distraction, wondering what she was doing. He had thought about following her to the Colonies on the excuse of protecting her, but he didn’t think it was necessary, or appropriate. She would be back soon. He just had to exercise patience.
Naturally, he worried about disaster. There hadn’t been a real incident endangering Relena’s life since well…himself, but suppose hidden faction groups took this time to kidnap Relena, right at this crucial time in their relationship? Why anybody would do this or seek to gain anything from it was a mystery, but the thought occurred to him. If such a thing were to happen, he imagined what he would do. Of course he would rescue her, but that wasn’t the point. He had never thought about rescuing her as anything other than a political icon before. The expectation that would be put on him as…as… he struggled to put a name to himself for how he was feeling about her. Well, hopefully she wouldn’t get kidnapped.
Of course, if she was kidnapped…
These were the thoughts that occupied him while Relena was gone. Strangely, they weren’t that different from the thoughts he had about her in the past. Back then, after the war, he had been fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, not ready for her yet, for any girl, not ready for a lot of things. But recently he wondered, a lot, about cementing his position as an adult. The instinct was almost overpowering. There were those thoughts, and now there was Relena, and it seemed the most natural thing in the world to equate the two. So he fantasized. He had enjoyed kissing her. He couldn’t refute that he liked her. There was about her something that was like him, something he needed. He wanted to spend more time in her company…except that she wasn’t here.
For a whole week.
His eyes narrowed scornfully. A week wasn’t a very long time. A few months ago, if he had overheard anyone complain about the absence of someone for so short amount of time, contempt would have been his immediate reaction. And yet… He didn’t complain, not out loud, but the time seemed to crawl by. He wanted to kiss her lips again, touch her hair, hold her close, just talk with her…and he couldn’t. For a whole week.
Maybe someone would try to kidnap her after all, and he could…
Luckily, Relena’s safety was never threatened, and the next Saturday, after so much time where all he had of her was his dreams, she called him.
He picked up the phone knowing it would be her.
“Heero?”
Relena,” he
murmured, twisting his neck to look at the clock on the wall.
“I’m fine. Um…I called because we’re finished here and I’m going to be flying back as soon as possible. I should arrive at the Spaceport tomorrow afternoon, board a plane and be at the airport in the evening. Can you pick me up?”
“Yeah. I’ll be there. What time?”
“They’re
estimating
“Okay.”
There was a bit of awkwardness. Business was concluded, but neither of them wanted to hang up, and they didn’t know what more to say. Maybe they were both imagining the greeting they would give each other. Heero had dreamed of kissing her upon her arrival all week. He hoped she did too.
He thought he could feel her smiling. “Heero?” she said after a moment of silence. He imagined her twisting the phone cord in her fingers. “I miss you.”
She sounded so happy, and he wasn’t sure what to say. “I miss you too,” he said after a moment. “I’ll be there on time.”
“Thank you.”
When he got up on Sunday he paid particular attention to his appearance, wearing a dark, almost indigo blue dress shirt to bring out his eyes, and black dress pants to intensify the color. As Relena had not called again and left no messages, he figured that her arrival plans had not changed. As he drove to the airport, he felt a little nervous about seeing her. After that beautiful kiss and that awkward goodbye, here he was, going to see her and continue on where they left off.
Relena’s plane didn’t come in until seven, but he wasn’t worried about the time delay. Such things were common. He sat in the spaceport alone waiting for her, one of the only people in a room full of empty chairs. He had never waited for anyone one for an hour in an airport before. He felt a little strange, especially for being so dressed up. Why did he dress up? He should have worn something casual. He was just picking her up after all. No big deal. Eyeing the few people in passing, he began to think that they knew. Not that he was embarrassed. Quite the opposite; it was just… it had been a week since he had seen her last, a week since he had kissed her for the first time. He was nervous.
He saw her plane land from the window and managed to watch it roll up to the loading gate without getting out of his chair. He even managed to stay relaxed while the passengers filed out, though he kept his eyes on the tunnel to catch a glimpse of Relena as soon as possible. When she came into view, he stood up, rollicking to his feet and then stiffening his knees.
She came to him, smiling in a blouse of pale cream with a rounded collar edged in lace, a knee-length skirt of soft, woolen white and heeled shoes with open toes. Her hair was half pulled back with a silver clip, the way she used to always wear it, only without the braids. She smiled and eyed him through her lashes and he smiled back, a genuine, pleasant smile that was so rare to see and so utterly real. She was nervous too, he realized, but from the gleam in her eye, he knew what she wanted.
People were still filing from the plane, business associates of Relena’s, coworkers, politicians, lobbyists, and personal relations specialists. He shouldn’t kiss her here.
“Come on,” he said. “We’ll get your luggage. Are you hungry?”
“A little,” she said, following as he turned and led the way to baggage claim. She had smothered any trace of disappointment she might have felt from her voice, but he wasn’t fooled, and he wasn’t going to allow her to be disappointed for long.
Heero glanced over his shoulder as they walked. They moved quickly away from the other unloading passengers, shoes clicking along the tiles. As soon as they were away from the crowd, he turned suddenly around a corner. Relena followed right on his heels, opening her mouth in questioning surprise, until he turned and grabbed her by the hand and by the waist. She only had time to see him smile. Without slowing to explain, his fingers dug lightly into the clingy silk of her blouse, his nose inhaled her perfume and the clean scent of her hair, and he kissed her smoothly. Her surprise lasted only for a moment and then she was relaxing against him, kissing him back voraciously.
When they separated she didn’t speak, but only gazed at him as he took her hand and led her out of the corner.
“Heero,” she whispered, and faltered.
His whole body shook with sudden desire and he swallowed unsteadily. “Come on,” he said.
Her hand rested on his shoulder as he turned, and then found his hand. He took it without hesitation.
After collecting her luggage, Heero drove Relena first to her home, but she promised to come to his house for dinner after she unpacked. He carried her bags for her, taking them in and out of the car and hauling them up the stairs. Once he was in her room, she allowed him to look around while she opened her suitcases and separated her clothes. Relena’s room was decorated with frills and lace and soft, girlish colors. Heero smiled as he admired it. So like Relena. There was nothing masculine about her except her independence, strength and fiery spirit, but by the way she was, Relena showed such traits to be as much feminine qualities as masculine. The girlishness didn’t detract from her spirit. Relena was a girl, down to her glossed nails and long hair and the pink lace curtains on her windows. She was girl and Heero liked it.
Her bedspread was white with a lacy skirt. She sat on it, her legs folded demurely under her skirt, sorting out the things in her suitcases while he walked around, looking at the pictures she had of her foster parents, and also of Zechs. He noted the teddy bear he had given her, propped against the window. The blue iris flowers were there too, dead now without water for a week, but she had put them in a crystal vase on her dresser. He would have to get her new ones to replace them. Every so often he glanced over his shoulder at her, or caught a glimpse of her in the mirror. She sat on the bed, unpacking, and he thought suddenly that he had never seen anything so adorable.
At length he crossed the room and sat on the bed behind her. His legs touched the ground off one side, but he was only inches from her. She kept unpacking, hands moving efficiently to stack her things in different piles. She only had two suitcases. She was almost done. He watched her for a minute, staring at the way her hair fell forward over her shoulders, eyeing the material of her shirt as it spread across her back.
Quite spontaneously he reached out and began to massage her shoulders from behind. She stopped moving, her fingers hovering over her piles. He wasn’t sure what made him do it, but he liked the way she suddenly sighed and tilted her head back and relaxed under his fingers. She closed her eyes and he kneaded her skin a little deeper, working through the knots in her back, smoothing her hands across her shoulders. He shifted until his legs were up on the bed and his back was propped against the headboard. Then he pulled her back with his hands.
“Oh, Heero,” she whispered, and collapsed backward, lying across his chest, half on her side, her body curving against his. His arms wrapped around her, holding her close as he breathed in the soft, clean scent of her. He felt suddenly tired, contented, but in a way, more alert than ever. His hands seemed suddenly large as he stroked her hair behind her head.
“Maybe we should just stay here,” he said in a quiet tone after just a few minutes. “Are you tired?”
“No, I slept all the way on the plane.” She buried her face in his shirt, which increased his attention for some reason, perhaps he could feel the air from her nose on his skin, and because it was almost like she was kissing his stomach. Urges stirred in him. “I am hungry, though,” she murmured.
“I said I’d make you dinner,” he said quickly, and lifted her off of him smoothly, swinging his legs back off the bed. “At my place. I bought steaks and there’s pasta and French bread.”
She smiled. “Can I change first? I’ve been wearing this suit for almost forty-eight hours.”
“All right,” he said. “Do you want me to wait downstairs?” Stupid question. He couldn’t watch her change.
“Yeah. I’m just going to put on something comfortable if that’s okay. I’ve been in heels and nylons all week. I want to wear sweats and tennis shoes.”
She did wear sweats and tennis shoes. Her sweats were a baby pink (the choice of color didn’t surprise him) but not ugly and bulky. They were slimmed to fit her figure, though not tight, and they really did look comfortable. She wore a white hoodie zip-up sweatshirt over a white tank top, and except for sturdy sneakers and her underclothes, she might have been ready for bed.
It was eight-thirty by the time they arrived at Heero’s apartment and by that time he was hungry too. It was dark outside, the stars shining in the crisp spring air when Heero pulled up to the curb and parked. Relena let herself out, shutting the door behind her and he put an arm around her shoulders to keep her warm as they walked up to the door. After a moment of fiddling with the keys, Heero opened the door and let Relena inside first.
Ted bounded down the wood floorboards, his toenails clicking and clacking as he hurried to greet them. Relena petted him, scratching him behind the ears as he sniffed at her to re-familiarize himself. Once satisfied, he welcomed Heero with a soft of whine that complained of inattention. Heero greeted his dog, but had to use the force of his legs to clear a path through the Lab’s body for him and Relena to walk down the hallway.
Relena sat on the couch at first while Heero cooked for her, but then joined him in the kitchen. He kept staring at her body as she moved around, getting dishes and glasses to help set the table. Her clothes weren’t revealing, and they weren’t tight, but they were soft and supple and he could see the outlines of her limbs and butt and torso as she moved. Especially her butt. He stared at it without realizing what he was doing for awhile, and when he finally noticed he wasn’t sure how he should feel about it. She looked so comfortable he wanted to cuddle her.
When he reached for her, she smiled over her shoulder at him, strands of brown-blonde hair slanting across her face. He pushed them out of the way and kissed her as he drew her close, bringing her hips sideways into his and wrapping one arm solidly around her waste. Her clothes were soft and they gave way to the pressure so that he could feel all her curves without seeing or really feeling anything. She felt nice, soft and warm. She smelled wonderful.
The oven dinged as he was holding her and she maneuvered out of his grasp, still smiling, and set out the silverware as he watched her escape. Then he followed her, bringing the food to the table. She sat across from him, glancing up into his eyes every once and awhile, and while they ate, he asked her about her trip.
“What was it all about?”
“Oh, the usual sort of problems, Heero. Arguments over the wording in official documents, people being stubborn about giving their signatures. It was mostly about disagreements regarding resource allocation.”
“MO IV is doing well, I hear.”
“Yes. That’s one reason why it’s so ridiculous. It’s not even something I’m supposed to deal with, but whenever a problem in space blows up large enough, they call me in.”
He smiled and pointed his fork at her. “It’s because you have a good effect on the people. People become more…reasonable when you’re around. You inspire people to cooperate. No one wants to look selfish in front of you.”
She blushed the color of her sweats and he smiled secretly at his ability to make her blush.
She rallied to throw it back at him. “That’s not fair, Heero. You…”
“Let’s not do this again,” he interrupted. “Just take a compliment.”
She smiled demurely, and a little wryly, and took another bite of spiral pasta.
She helped him with the dishes, drying and putting them away while he washed. Once that was done they moved to the couch and sat down to relax. Heero was more comfortable than he could ever remember being. Relena settled against him without hesitation, leaning back against him with her head on his chest. She seemed so relaxed and so content and he couldn’t help but reflect the feeling. He didn’t want to move.
“Are you going to have to go back to Space?” he asked her, toying with her hair.
“Oh, I hope not,” she said. “We’ll see, but I don’t think so.” She paused. “If I do, you could always come with me.”
He nodded. “Maybe. If it’s not inconvenient.” Reaching for the remote with one hand, he switched on the television and searched until he found something vaguely appealing.
He then relaxed one arm and softly kneaded through her hair with the other hand, conscious of the way she was relaxing into him and happy to hold her while the colors on the television danced and flickered. He was tempted to stroke her body, just gentle touches up and down her sides and across her stomach, but he didn’t. He held her and time passed. Ted settled himself at the foot of the couch, closing his eyes in a restful slumber. Outside, the night’s darkness deepened and the world got quieter.
“What time is it?” Relena murmured suddenly, her voice pulling him out of something close to a slumber.
Heero paused before he answered, knowing where she was going with the question. “Almost eleven.”
Relena sat up. “Heero, I have to go. It’s late.”
He let her up, breathing deeply as her weight left his body. His clothes were plastered to his chest, molded by her shape, but he sat up too, shaking them out. Relena sat with her back straight and her legs and knees pressed together, fixing her hair with her arms over her head. He watched as she made all her little, minute adjustments and then stood up, looking for her purse. For a few minutes she moved about the room while he remained on the couch, and then, when she seemed ready to go…
“Why don’t you stay here tonight?” he whispered.
She froze, one hand on the doorframe. When she turned to look at him, her eyes were piercing. “Heero… no, I can’t do that.” The finality in her tone was the way he always remembered her, strong in her convictions, firm in her executions. But she was always quick to leap to conclusions, and her solidarity didn’t put him off.
“Just stay over,” he elaborated. His tone was quiet, a bare murmur of a suggestion, not quite a plea, not even a petition.
Her gaze softened as she comprehended what he meant. She stared at him, emotions swimming in the depths of her eyes. “No, I… I’m not even your girlfriend. I can’t stay over. It wouldn’t be right.”
“Just to sleep,” he continued. “You’re all ready for bed. We could sleep and I’ll take you home in the morning, as early as you want.”
She brought a hand to her chest, half clenched. He could see her thinking, turning the thought over. To sleep with him in his bed, just sleeping, while he held her like he had been holding just now. All night. “No,” she said finally, dropping her arm, and he heard the renewed conviction, stronger and more reasoned than her first decision. “I don’t think I should.”
“It’s okay,” he told her quickly, and got up. “I’ll take you home now.”
He went to get his keys, silent, and felt her eyes following him. “You’re not mad at me, are you?”
“No,” he said, frowning over the tangle of silver on the counter. “Of course not.” He paused. “I don’t understand why you can’t stay, but I’m not mad.”
He put on his coat and led her to the door. She followed at a bit of a distance, clearly troubled. “It’s not that I don’t want to stay with you, Heero,” she explained as he opened the door and guided her outside with one hand behind her back. Keys jingled as he locked the door behind him while she waited in the dark and the cold. “It’s just… You’re not committed to me or anything. And I just don’t feel right about…”
“Why do I have to be committed to you for you to sleep over?” he interrupted.
She bit her lip.
“Never mind,” he said. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. If it makes you uncomfortable, that’s all I need to know. I just thought it would be nice. I don’t mind driving you home.”
“As long as you’re sure…”
She was always so concerned. He smiled at her. Touching her face, he brought her in for a kiss, reassuring her that he was not upset, that nothing has changed. “I’m sure. It was just a suggestion. Now get in the car before you freeze.”
She smiled when he drove her home and after a few minutes they were able to talk. When he got to her porch he kissed her again, for a lengthy period of time, pulling her close and smoothing the skin on her neck and shoulders. Kissing her heated him up, like there was fire rushing through him. She didn’t seem opposed when tentatively tested her mouth with his tongue, and the sensation heightened the strength of the heat in his blood. She took his face her hands and kissed him too, exploring his mouth with her tongue, making him feel weak and exuberant at the same time. Kissing her that way was strangely satisfying, especially after the disappointment of having to sleep alone, but he really didn’t mind that, not if she wasn’t comfortable. When he finally pulled away he trailed a hand along her face, smiled again, and whispered goodnight. She let herself into the house quickly, pulling herself away from him, breathing deep. He told her he’d call her tomorrow. He lingered on the step. She stared at him through the screen of her door.
When he drove home he kept his eyes on the road, but his thoughts were elsewhere.