~Bound~

Chapter Two

"Isn’t it beautiful to see two people so much in love?

Barenaked as two virgins hand in hand, and hand and hand and glove

And now that I’m so far away it doesn’t seem to me to be such a pain

To have you hanging off my ankle like some kind of ball and chain."

-Be My Yoko Ono by Barenaked Ladies

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HANDCUFFED TO ME!?" Heero bellowed, causing the pounding in his head to increase twofold. His massive hangover was causing him to react more irrationally than he normally would, Heero realized, and in retrospect came to the conclusion that he probably shouldn’t have woke Relena with a shout that could’ve felled a small building.

Relena shot awake, blinking bleary eyes, squinting at the unexpected interruption. Her eyes widened in surprise when she recognized the interruption as her bodyguard. Slowly, she looked down at her hand, connected to his by a heavy metallic chain. Then she looked back at his face, for good measure. Roughly ten minutes passed in complete silence.

"Oh my god…-" she whispered, horrified.

‘Finally,’ Heero though in exasperation ‘she’s going to do some explaining.’

"I’m still drunk."

Heero was so shocked he lost his precious balance and fell off the bed. Unfortunately, he hadn’t taken his current dilemma into consideration, and Relena was pulled down with him via the handcuffs, sending her tumbling towards the carpet. She grunted out a little ‘oof’ as she landed in an ungraceful heap next to the Perfect Soldier.

"What do you *mean* you’re still *drunk*?" Heero hissed around his mouthful of rug. That was just perfect. Now they’d *both* have hangovers. Wait a minute-….

Suddenly, a beam of light broke through the ceiling illuminating Heero as an angel’s choir resonated in the background. Clarity and insight into their situation was gained. Birds sang as the pieces came together, enlightenment washing over the former Gundam pilot in a euphoric wave.

The moment was cut short however, when Heero’s nausea congealed into the unmistakable urge to gag.

"We have to go the bathroom right now." Heero bit out as he climbed hastily to his feet, tugging on the cuffs to get Relena moving.

"What? Bathroom? What are you talking about?!" Relena asked in a voice edged with blind panic.

"YES. BATHROOM. NOW." Heero was getting desperate.

"Heero, I don’t want to go to the bathroom with you!" Relena’s voice no longer held an edge of panic, it was utterly consumed by it.

"Relena, I’m going to vomit." Heero seethed through clenched teeth.

Relena’s mouth formed a little ‘o’ and in a flash she was up so fast she left Heero’s head spinning. Practically dragging the taller man behind her, she tore into the bathroom and thrust him in front of the toilet right in the nick of time. Heero gripped the edges of the bowl for dear life and let go.

Gently, Relena gathered his long bangs away from his face and tried to ignore the retching sounds coming from the man kneeled over the toilet.

Now, call Relena crazy, but somehow this day wasn’t going quite the way she was used to. Normally, she would wake up around seven, shower, dress, grab a simple breakfast and head into the office a few minutes early and begin the day with a smile.

Today, she woke up intoxicated, handcuffed to her bodyguard in an unfamiliar hotel room, and was currently holding his hair back as he puked up his guts.

No, something had definitely gone awry between last night and this morning. If only she could remember what it was…But Relena’s befuddled mind could recall nothing past leaving the Cactus Grill with Hilde.

Instantly, Relena felt a prick of worry. Whatever had happened, she hoped her spunky friend was faring better. She looked down at Heero, who had apparently finished purging himself. Shaking slightly, he stayed there for a few minutes, taking deep, even breaths. Relena released his bangs as he stood and stalked over to sink, gargling first with water, then downing the complimentary mouthwash and gargling with that. Spitting the sharp tasting liquid out he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Maxwell." He growled.

Relena shot him a puzzled look. Heero didn’t catch it, so intent was he on his murderous thoughts. He knew for certain. This was all *Duo’s* fault. That black-clad moron needed to be beaten as much as one could without dying, immediately. Not that he would mind killing Duo, but then he’d lose his job, and it was too important to risk at the moment. This driving thought consuming him, he stomped out of the bathroom, not realizing that Relena was running lightly behind him to keep up.

"Heero." She said as they crossed the room and stopped at the door. Her eyes widened as he started to unlock the door.

‘ Must maim Duo, must maim Duo, must maim Duo…’

"Heero!" She said with more urgency.

‘Must maim Duo, must maim Duo, must maim Duo!’

He jerked the door open and started to walk out.

‘MustmaimDuomustmaimDuomustmaimDuo!!!’

"HEERO!" She yelled before jerking hard on the handcuffs, sending the oblivious man flying back inside the room. She slammed the door closed, leaning against it, hoping no one had noticed.

Heero looked at her as if he had just realized she was there.

"Why did you stop me? I was just going out to maim Duo."

Relena shot him an angry look. "Looking like this?!" she gestured to her rumpled clothes and tousled hair. "After spending the night handcuffed to your employer who just happens to be the President of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation!? You idiot, the media would have been all over this like grandmothers to a Tickle Me Elmo!" She shouted, clearly furious that he hadn’t taken the obvious into consideration.

Heero’s eyes widened at her implications. She was right. Everyone would have thought…that she…and him…with handcuffs! Heero looked Relena over. She really *did* look like they had- Heero decided to cut that thought off immediately.

Relena tossed her bangs out of her eyes and shot him a glare. "Ok, look, I’m sorry I yelled at you. But I *can’t* have everyone seeing me this way. What would that say about their leader? I’ve just been elected, I can’t afford to make mistakes like this." She breathed a heavy sigh and sat down, the arm cuffed to Heero awkwardly raised to accommodate the new binding.

Heero slowly seated himself across from her, eyeing her warily. "So, what do we do?" He asked cautiously.

"I don’t know." Relena groaned, dropping her face into her hands. "If this got out, it could completely ruin my whole term. I don’t even remember how I got put in this situation in the first place."

"It was Duo."

Relena’s head shot up. "What?"

"Duo went out with me last night. You also went out last night, only with someone else, probably Duo’s partner in crime. They must have slipped something in our drinks. I’m assuming the substance required alcohol to metabolize, since Duo doesn’t drink heavily often, and from what I’ve seen, neither do you. From there it was a simple matter of transporting us here and handcuffing us together."

Relena’s mouth dropped open in shock. "I was with Hilde last night. But it’s impossible that she could’ve drugged my drink. I was at the table the whole night. Except-"

"-When you went to go get napkins after Hilde spilled her drink on herself?" Heero suggested.

"How did you know that?" Relena gasped.

"Duo did exactly the same thing to me. And he almost never works alone. The only thing that I don’t understand is why." Heero stated, eyebrows drawing together in a pondering expression.

Relena’s heart pounded as her own words came back to stick their tongues out and ‘neener neener’ at her. "I'd have to handcuff him to me now to get him to talk to me."

A blush stained her cheeks. ‘Oh Hilde…you wouldn’t.’

But it all added up. Hilde asking her to clear her schedule for the whole week instead of just catching her after work. The problems with Duo that hadn’t seemed apparent up until she wanted a drinking buddy. The reason Duo couldn’t come with them to dinner.

Relena’s head spun. When she had said that she’d have to handcuff Heero to her, she didn’t mean literally. Relena almost moaned in her misery, but managed to stop herself, aware that Heero didn’t know any of this- and she didn’t intend to let him.

"Is something wrong, Relena?" Heero asked, reading her expression far better than he could imagine. His bloodshot eyes narrowed. "You’re not starting to get *your* hangover, are you?"

"No. No, I don’t usually suffer from hangovers." Relena answered vaguely, mind still racing. The former princess could definitely hold her fair share of liquor, a trait passed down by some unknown gene from some unknown ancestor. All in all, a very handy set of genetics at the moment.

Genetics Heero was insanely jealous of at the moment as he was still feeling as if he could go curl up and die without a care in the world, if not a very strong sense of relief.

Relena stood suddenly, jerking Heero’s unsuspecting arm into a very painful position, causing him to bite off a string of coarse and very un-professional explictives.

"Alright Heero," She exclaimed, a strong look of determination shining fiercely in her aqua colored eyes, "Here’s what we have to do. First, we need to get cleaned up as much as we possibly can. We don’t want to look like we’ve been dancing the horizontal polka all night."

One of Heero’s dark eyebrows rose at the colorful terminology.

"Then, we need to find a way to get these handcuffs cut off. Maybe we can go down to a police station, or find a garage and ask a mechanic. If I wear my hair up and my scarf over my hair, they probably won’t recognize me."

Heero followed Relena’s suite and stood as well. "In that case, we’ll need to run downstairs to the hotel store and pick up a razor, a hairbrush, and two toothbrushes."

Relena nodded, flung her jacket over their cuffed wrists, and opened the door.

"Alright, we’re newlyweds on our honeymoon. Sound convincing?"

"About as convincing as we’re gonna get." Heero muttered as he was dragged out the door.

~*~*~*~*~

Twenty minutes later, Heero and Relena were traversing the streets of Victoria, a town about three hours away from Brussels, they had been informed.

"I can’t believe they drove us three hours out of the capitol." Heero mumbled, resettling Relena’s sunglasses over his sensitized eyes.

Relena glanced up at him, looking remarkably mature with her hair up. "Actually, I’m glad we’re not directly in Brussels. It’s less likely I’ll be recognized here."

"It’d be nice if we knew where the hell we’re going, though." Heero shot back, feeling a need to defend himself.

"Look, I don’t like this situation anymore than you do, but you have to remember that I didn’t have a choice about it anymore than you did." Relena pointed out calmly, completely unruffled by Heero’s hostile attitude.

In truth, the only reasons she was tolerating Heero so well were; 1. He had the hangover from hell and 2. She felt partially responsible for this whole mess. Okay, she felt completely responsible for it. That was the last time she ever made teasing suggestions to Hilde.

Despite Relena’s guilt she still managed a bright smile when she spotted a garage.

"Look, Heero!" She grinned, pointing to the building proudly proclaiming itself "Butch’s Awesome Car Repairs."

Heero made a noncommittal grunt, as he and Relena walked to the building.

A bell jingled as they walked through the door, and the couple was hit with the strong smell of gasoline and the strains of jazzy oldies blasting on a stereo located in the far corner of the massive room. Relena’s heels clicked on the stained concrete floor as she looked around with a fascinated expression.

"This is your first time in an auto repair shop, isn’t it?" Heero asked, a hint of disbelief in his expression.

Relena glanced at him a moment over her shoulder and blushed lightly. "Well…I’m usually chauffeured, or Pagan would take it down for me because I would be too busy or something." She intently drank in everything from the various hubcaps mounted on the wall to the pictures of classic cars. A slow smile spread across her face. "I think I like it here."

"Can I help you?" A deep voice sounded behind them.

Relena jumped and spun around, while Heero just jammed his free hand in his pocket and shot the man his usual glare, not realizing that the impact of it was somewhat hindered by the sunglasses. A tallish man with long hair confined in a ponytail was wiping his hands on a clean rag, his warm brown eyes smiling in a way that made the receiver of his gaze feel instantly relaxed.

"Well you see…this is going to sound odd. *Really* odd." Relena bit her lip, clearly unsure how to pose this request.

The man grinned and plucked a wrench from one of his overall pockets, twirling it expertly.

"Honey, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Elvis, Butch’s younger half brother. You might think my name’s unusual. I’ll tell you how I got it. The night of my conception my mother claims she was trying to sleep when The King was beamed into her room. They had a little tussle and then my Momma says that he returned to his home planet. Nine months later, when I was born, she said she received instructions from his mother ship to name me after my sire.

"From there, my life has only gotten weirder. I’ve been struck by lightening twice; I have had the power go out on me every time I’ve tried to watch "I’m Singing In the Rain". I once threw a ring from a lost love into the ocean only to find it in the fish I was eating three days later. I’ve had the tea leaves in the bottom of my cup clearly spell out the word "MORON" and at one point have been legally married to a goat named Bernice."

Relena stared at him blankly. Even Heero was giving him an incredulous stare.

"So, what was it that you said was going to sound odd?" He asked, his brown eyes twinkling.

The blonde appeared to be contemplating something. She tilted her head to one side in an inquiring manner. "Can you keep a secret, Elvis?"

"For you? Sure, honey." He winked.

Relena caught Heero’s eye for a moment before nodding.

Slowly she reached up and pulled off the scarf and clip, letting her long honey-blonde hair flow loose. Heero, too, reached up and removed his sunglasses.

Despite Elvis’s history in the bizarre and unusual, he couldn’t help but let his surprise show. It wasn’t every day he had a political figure of great importance in his humble shop, much less one that was bona fide royalty. And standing next to her was one of the five men attributed the accomplishment of saving the world.

"Whoa." Elvis remarked intelligently.

"It gets weirder." Relena assured him, and lifted up the jacket that she had been holding in her right hand, revealing a shiny new pair of handcuffs.

"You weren’t kidding when you said this was gonna be odd, were you?"

The young President raised a delicate eyebrow before replying.

"I was told at the age of fifteen that the man who had been raising me my whole life was not my biological father and that I was actually heir to the throne of a pacifist nation. I have been the only crowned Queen of the World in history of the planet. I have a long-lost brother that attempted to blow up the Earth in order to attain World Peace. I have received more death threats from my bodyguard than any other known person in the world. I am the youngest politician ever to obtain the status of President in any country ever in recorded history. Despite all these monumental accomplishments, I have never made it to second base. And today, I woke up to find that I had been drugged and handcuffed to a former Gundam pilot." Relena grinned impishly. "So no, I wasn’t kidding at all. Can you help us?"

Elvis scratched the back of his head in a very Duo-ish manner. "Well, when you put it that way, I don’t think I can refuse. Let’s go get some chain cutters."

~*~*~*~*~*~

AN: Relena’s first line in this chapter is actually a direct quote from my older brother uttered several years ago upon receiving a call from my mother informing him that my great grandmother had passed away. Respect for your elders is a beautiful thing. I am utterly convinced the Tickle Me Elmo fad came back in AC 198 and that The King will live on in infamy forever. I currently know no one named ‘Butch’. Thank you.

The Soundtrack

End of the World by REM

All For You by Sister Hazel

Right Now by SR 71

Elevation by U2

Mamboleo by Elissa

Cuzco’s Song from the Emperor’s New Groove Soundtrack

She Drives Me Crazy by Fine Young Cannibals

You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate (this is the song I always imagine playing in the garage)

Be My Yoko Ono by Barenaked Ladies