Disclaimer:
Yadda yadda I don’t own Gundam Wing and so on.
His knuckles
were bleeding. He didn’t care. Pain didn’t matter. All he cared about was that
the tree was there and he could keep on hitting it. Again. And again. And
again.
He killed my
mother.
And again.
He killed
the Dryeks.
And again.
Again.
He told me
no one could ever love me like he did.
Again.
He attacked
me when I said I didn’t want him.
Again.
He said I deserved
it for how much I hurt him.
Again.
Heero gave the
tree one more punch and stopped, breathing heavily. He leaned his forehead
against it, running his hands through his hair. His mind was in chaos. So many
questions, so few answers.
So many
feelings.
His talk with
Relena only hours earlier had awakened something within him. Something he
thought was dead. A need. A need for blood. He was fairly certain that Alex had
tried to rape Relena. Which enraged him. What was worse was that the filthy
bastard had gotten away with it.
This awakened
something else as well.
An instinct. A
carnal lust he couldn’t get rid of, no matter how hard he tried. He felt
possessive. Angry. He needed to have her. Needed. It scared him to think
so. He’d told himself he wouldn’t do anything of the sort until he’d married
her, but now…now it filled his thoughts. He was frightened of her now more than
ever, because he didn’t know what he would do.
Every time he
closed his eyes he saw a man, another man, on top of Relena, forcing her to
submit to him.
When his
thoughts turned primal he’d left the cabin and ran through the trees, trying to
escape them. He would only hurt her if he acted on either of his needs. The
need for her. The need for Alex’s blood.
He had promised
not to do either of the things he now needed to do.
He needed to
kill Alex.
He needed to be
with Relena.
He knew he
would be her first. They’d spoken about it the previous night and neither of
them had been with anyone. The knowledge only increased his current desires and
made him want only to beat himself rather than this defenseless tree.
Alex was coming
for Relena. He was certain of that. What he wasn’t certain of was how long it
would take for him to find them.
He knew Quatre
wouldn’t tell anyone. He also knew Quatre well enough to know that even he
couldn’t find them himself if he were the one looking. But that didn’t matter
to him. What mattered was Laura and Relena. And Alex’s blood.
He squeezed his
eyes shut and tried in vain to stop the way his thoughts were going. He was out
of control and he knew it. He needed to calm down, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t
get rid of the images. Alex. Relena.
He wondered if
she was all right.
He’d left so
suddenly that she didn’t have time to say anything. He kicked himself now for
leaving her alone like that, and decided it was time to go back to the cabin.
He could control his lust. His lust for her, anyway. His bloodlust was another
matter.
One, he
decided, she didn’t need to know about.
When he reached
the cabin she walked out from behind the glass door and stared at him, saying
nothing. She looked him up and down and made an expression of impatience at his
bruised and bleeding knuckles. Without a word, she grabbed him by the arm and
led him into the kitchen, making him sit on the floor so she could glare down
at him. She went about tending to his wounds with silent fury.
He was finally
able to see the fury he’d been waiting for.
“I only hurt
myself. You shouldn’t be angry.”
She made a
noise similar to a cough. “Heero, dearest, that’s why I am
angry.”
The tone of her
voice alone made him want her. He took great pleasure in seeing one of her rare
moments of fury.
Only she would
be this upset over something like this. Her sarcasm only made it even more
spectacular.
He gently
grabbed her hands when she was finished. “Don’t be angry. I needed to calm
down.”
“You could have
found another way.”
“No, I
couldn’t. It was either me hurting myself or me hurting someone else.”
She got the message.
“Well, then. Now that you’ve got it out of your system, why don’t you tell me
what you plan to do to Alex?”
His skin
crawled. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit.”
He blinked.
“…What?”
“I said,
‘Bullshit’. If you intended to do nothing, you wouldn’t have run out of here
like a bull chasing a red flag.” She crossed her arms, looking very stern.
Perhaps her fury wasn’t such a good thing after all.
But it was
incredibly arousing.
“Relena, I told you once that I wouldn’t kill
anyone ever again. If I intended to break that promise, I wouldn’t have come
back here tonight.” He was on his feet now, face-to-face with the woman who
ruled his thoughts. And his heart.
“How do I know
that?” her voice dropped to just above a whisper and it lingered in his ears,
accusing him of lies.
“Because I would never do anything you didn’t
want me to do.” Except for killing Alex.
Her expression
changed, tears welling in her eyes. They didn’t say anything more and just held
each other, trying to block out the darkness of their pasts. Heero especially.
He already felt
guilty about killing Alex, and he wasn’t even close to doing it yet.
*
* *
“Heero…” she
moaned, digging her fingers into his skin.
“Ah…ah…Hee…eero…”
He snapped
awake, sitting straight up and sweating from head to toe.
He couldn’t
believe it. He couldn’t believe the things he was dreaming about.
Intimate
embraces.
Sinful desires.
Where did all
this come from?
He turned his
head to the right, where the dream-demon lay sleeping. So calm. So peaceful. So
unaware.
He turned away
and closed his eyes, trying to chase the dreams away. Maybe it wasn’t such a
good idea for them to sleep in the same bed. It definitely wasn’t his
idea, not after what he’d been feeling and thinking before they even put Laura
to bed.
But she’d been
crying.
He wouldn’t
leave her.
He turned
towards her again and froze when their eyes met. She was awake. What was she
thinking? Had he said something in his sleep?
She sat up and
embraced him in her arms. He closed his eyes and was surrounded by her.
“Heero, I know
what you want,” she paused, taking a breath. “I want it to.”
His eyes shot
open. “What?”
She pulled away
from him and he missed her instantly, trying to keep from shaking like he
always did. She gazed into his eyes and he was overwhelmed with emotion,
speechless.
She took
another deep breath and steadied herself. “I told you I loved you, didn’t I?”
Yes, he
remembered. He’d never been more shocked in all his life. He nodded slowly,
unsure of her intentions.
She paused a
moment. “And you said…that you loved me. Didn’t you?”
He nodded
again, even more slowly.
“Then…then why
are you waiting?” She looked unsure. She looked nervous.
What she was
saying suddenly hit him. He stood up off the bed and backed away, mortified,
watching her. She stared at him with her eyes, those eyes, until his
back hit the wall and he couldn’t back up anymore. He watched, terrified, as
she stood from the bed and walked over toward him. She walked slowly, not
knowing what she was doing to him. Not knowing what kind of turmoil she was
putting him through.
“Stop it,
Relena. Stay away from me,” he pleaded. He couldn’t let himself have her. Not
here. Not now.
“Why? Why,
Heero?” she asked, coming closer. He closed his eyes, trying to escape her. He
felt her hands, her soft, wonderful hands, on either side of her face. He
panicked. No, his mind screamed. No, no, no!
“No!” he
yelled, startling them both. Her hands disappeared from his face and he opened
his eyes, looking for them. He saw her face. Her beautiful, forbidden face,
questioning him with things he couldn’t answer.
“Heero, don’t,”
she whispered, her hands on his face again. “Don’t run away from me.”
Those words.
Those words…
He brought his
trembling hands up to his face, covering her hands with his like he’d done
before. If he wanted her so badly why was he running away?
…Because he
wasn’t worthy to have her yet.
He pulled her
hands away from his face, seeing the flash of pain in her eyes. He hoped his
own eyes conveyed the feeling that he could not. The pain he himself felt at
refusing her. But it wasn’t time yet.
“It’s not time
yet,” he said, unconsciously rubbing her palms with his thumbs. “We’re not
married-”
“Then marry
me,” she cut him off. He was shocked once more, lost for words.
“But-”
“No,” she cut
him off again, “I want to marry you, Heero. You’re all I think about. You’re
all I dream about.” She took a moment to look at the floor, embarrassed.
He couldn’t believe his ears. She raised her head and met his gaze, enchanting
him. “Heero, I feel as if I can’t live without you.” She closed her eyes. “I need
you.”
He didn’t know
he was kissing her until he had to stop for air. She completely amazed him.
She’d asked him to get married. He was so relieved and overjoyed that he
forgot about Alex, at least for the moment.
“Relena,” he
gasped when she began kissing his neck. For a second he thought he was seeing
another side to her fury.
“No. I don’t
want to talk anymore. I just want to be with you.”
If you only
knew, he thought. “Stop. Stop it!” He chuckled, unable to hide his mirth. He
pushed on her shoulders and she pulled away. She raised her head and made a
mock frown, her lips swollen and red from their heated kiss.
“You do know
that Alex will try to stop us if we get married, don’t you?” she said, her
expression serious.
“I know,” he
said, “I’m counting on it.”
It was more
than true. Vice Foreign Minister Darlian’s marriage ceremony was sure to draw
attention, and it would certainly draw Alex’s attention.
A plan to bring
Alex to him was a plan he liked very much.