Snowflakes

By: Mellie

Snowflakes

            Relena Darlian looked out her window; millions of soft, white snowflakes dancing down onto the already powdered mountain landscape outside.  It had been three years ago since the tragic separation but she was still secretly hurting inside as she remembered what she had been told about snowflakes those three years ago.

None of her friends could see her pain, not even Duo and Hilde could see it. It was because of both of them, she had agreed she should come up and stay with them for the week in the mountains. They were close friends of hers and Relena had complied that she needed a vacation.

            The mountaintop cottage was just what she needed away from the busy routines of her everyday life.  She was lonely in a world full of people.  She needed her friends to keep her company, but the thing she needed most was not there.  He was gone to who knows where doing who knows what.  And she knew as sure as snowflakes were falling:  he would be gone for the rest of her life.  The reason she knew this was from a promise he had given her so long ago.  They had been shared their last kiss together right after he had told her he was leaving her.  Sometimes it hurt her more than she let others know to think about him knowing she would never be able to see him ever again.

Flashback:  “Relena?  Can you meet me at Nixon and South Beach tonight?  There is something important I have to tell you,” Relena heard a faintly familiar voice ask through the phone.  A shiver raced along her spine frantically as she heard his voice for the first time in three years, eager to hear what he had to tell her.  “Of course, when do you want me to be there?” Relena replied.

            “Six, five, just meet me sometime and get there with no one else,” he said, his voice anxious.  Relena got a sinking feeling in her heart.  He was showing emotion, and the only times he showed emotion were desperate times.  “Okay, I’ll be there.  For you,” Relena whispered to him, and then to herself, “I will always be there when you ask me to be.”

            He didn’t reply to her, instead she heard a click and then the dull sound of the dial tone. She reluctantly hung up the phone, knowing something big was about to take place and she had no clue what.  But whatever did happen, she knew she wasn’t going to like it.  Anticipation soaked heavily on the rest of her day as the hours slowly passed by.

            Relena was down at the beach by seven.  She could have been there earlier, but she had been too nervous to head out any earlier.  She saw a figure pacing back and forth on the beach, its hands in its pockets with its head down.  The figure looked up at her, and in the dim streetlights, she saw that it was him.  She mentally braced herself for the confrontation, knowing this would be very vital to their relationship.

            “Hey, I got here as soon as I could!” Relena greeted as she ran down to the beach to meet him, waving as she approached.  He didn’t move. He just glared at her with his cold, emerald eyes.  This worried her, something was up, Trowa only bore the color of emeralds when he was sad, hurt, or excited, other wise they were deep blue (mad), aqua (happy), or even a Prussian blue (only when he was suspicious as he had been when he first met her.) “Where are you going?” Relena asked, not sure she wanted to know the answer to her question.

            “Away. I’m being called to duty once more.  Quatre requested my appearance to help protect my colony; something is up by the Barton Foundation.  I’m sorry, but it is very vital that I go,” Relena’s heart broke as she heard his voice go hard once again.  Relena let her head fall.  Tears began to well up in her eyes as she began to think what her future held for her, her future without him.  “How…long…will…you be…g…g…gone for?” she choked on the word gone the most, but the whole question pained her to ask.

            “I don’t know.  I have to infiltrate a military base there, and then I have to do a few things with Wufei and Sally.  Then I go on an undercover mission to get to the head of the military base.  I don’t think I’ll be making it back to you,” as he said the last part, he lowered his voice and let his head fall to his chest.

            Her tears slowly fell onto the sand below her.  Her chest began to heave with tears.  He gently pulled her into him.  “I want you to know something, something from my past.  ‘Surely I will be with you when the snow falls onto a powdery mountaintop, rain falls into a glistening lake, the sun shines down on the flowers & fields, and the moon & stars glow in the dark night.  Even when the clouds shield out everything, I will be with you.  Don’t forget me and I shall reward you with my presence.’  My great-grandma Lynn Marie told me this, and now I tell this to you.  I will never forget you and shall shine down upon you, always.  Wait for me for two years, but after that, please find someone else and you shall always have my blessings,” he breathed into her golden wheat hair.

            Her crying slowly subdued and her breathing began to calm.  By this time, they had sat down into the sandy beach below them.  He cuddled her into his chest and she leaned against him, afraid to move for fear he would really be gone and she would be left alone.  She didn’t want to be alone ever since he had touched her lonely life and made it worth fighting for. He really couldn’t be leaving.  “When do you leave?” she asked, forcing herself to ask her question.

            “Tomorrow morning is when they want me to leave for the colony.  I tried to get out later, but they need me now.  I can’t delay any longer than I already have,” he told her after a long pause.  Relena leaned deeper into him; not wanting to leave his side because she knew tomorrow would be the start of her life without him.  He gently cupped her chin and they touched lips for the final time.  “I must go, it is getting quite late.  I have a big meeting early tomorrow morning.  Goodbye, Trowa,” Relena whispered as she stood and walked off the beach. 

            Her heart screamed at her to turn back, to stay with him until they had to be separated, to beg him to stay with her; but her head knew she must leave him before it was too hard because this mission was for his family.  “I will love you forever, Trowa, always and forever.  Please don’t ever forget me,” she whispered as she got into her car and drove off.  Tears welled up in her eyes as she made her way home.

            “Goodbye, my angel.  I’ll miss you,” Trowa whispered at the red taillights of her retreating vehicle. 

            He too walked off the beach, his heart heavy for not being able to stay with her.  He slowly made his way to his hotel and climbed the three staircases to his floor.  He went to his hotel room and packed what little belongings he had.  He would start out today for his home, there was nothing to keep him on Earth any longer.  He left a gold coin valued at three hundred dollars and left the hotel.  He didn’t know he wouldn’t come back until she was gone, at least to his love and his care for her.  All he knew was it was too damned hard just to leave her with the threat of never returning. ~End Flashback

            Relena would some how always remember how strong he was, how his well-muscled chest would allow her to escape from everything.  His strong arms were so gentle when he hugged her, when he pulled her in for the sweetest kisses of her life.  But he was gone now.  She had waited for two years, and then even longer. 

            He would never come back into her life, but she could not move on with her life when she knew he wouldn’t be coming back.  He had been the thing that kept her alive, now she just felt empty and alone.  She knew she had to stay, her luck might change and she would chance a meeting with him. 

            That single thought was the only thing that had kept her from seeing if he was among the dead.  His death had been informally noted, but Relena didn’t care.  She had seen the movies and knew there was always a chance the love of your life would come back for you.  She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before she slowly released her breath and took in another breath.

            “Hey, Lena, what are you up to?” Relena heard Hilde ask.  Relena opened her eyes a notch to see her friend approaching, then opened them further.  “Not much, just reminiscing,” Relena replied in a morose tone.  Hilde came and sat next to her, putting her arm around Relena’s shoulders as she did.  “You still miss him very much, don’t you?” Hilde wondered.  Tears instantly stung the back of Relena’s eyes, begging to fall and be set free from the prison they knew.  “I do, I truly miss him with all my heart.  Even though he is gone forever, I still can’t help myself from missing him everyday,” Relena whispered as sobs began to well up in the back of her throat, siding with the tears.

            “It’s okay to still miss him, Lena.  I still miss my father and he has been gone for what, nine years now?” Hilde told her, trying to comfort her friend and bring her out of the despair she was driving herself into.  Relena bit her lip to keep from crying and nodded her head to acknowledge what Hilde had told her.  She looked up at Hilde with thankful eyes, trying to display her gratitude to her friend and to say she was glad she was trying to help.  “Now, what did you come in here to ask me?  I know you well enough to know you wouldn’t just come in here to talk,” Relena asked, trying to push past the subject she tried to avoid.  Hilde gave an impish grin.  “You know people better than you let on, you would make a good shrink.  I just came in to tell you Duo invited a friend of his up for the week.  His friend is some sort of computer whiz and also a Gundam pilot,” Hilde told her, explaining a little about the guest.

            Relena’s eyes sparked at the word ‘Gundam’ for she knew Trowa had been a Gundam pilot. Was there a chance? “I am sorry, Lena, but it is not him. He’s gone.  It is Duo’s friend, Heero, who will be coming up here.  In fact, it may even be tomorrow.”  Relena’s mind worked to find out why the name, Heero, sounded so familiar to her.  She was a little disappointed, but she knew she had heard Heero’s name before.  “Why does his name sound so…familiar?  It is as if I know the name, I just can’t think of where,” Relena asked.

            “Duo has mentioned Heero a few times, mostly in passing conversation about his work, even though they are supposedly best friends.  Well, Trowa and Heero were well acquainted because they had both been Gundam pilots, some may even say they were friends.  You could have heard about him from Trowa,” Hilde informed her. 

“Can you ask him not to say his name?” Relena whispered in a soft voice, knowing it may come up if they had known each other.

            Other people rarely spoke his name around her, and it hurt to hear it again.  She bit her lip to try to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over from the conversations heavy undertones.  “Of course, Lena, I’ll ask him as soon as he gets here,” Hilde promised.  “Thank you,” Relena whispered as a cool tear slipped down her cheek.

            Relena watched as Hilde got up and exited the room.  Relena sighed deeply; glad to know his name would no longer be brought up around her.  It just hurt her too much to hear his name be spoken.  She didn’t think she could ever move on with her life, she needed him in it and there was no other way she could deem her life worthy of living. 

            She had only stayed alive on the soft hope he was still alive and she would see him sometime soon.  She was nothing without him by her.  She had been separated from him too many times, and she was not going to have them be separated forever, he was too important to her for her to let him go.  She needed him more than anyone could ever guess.

            Relena watched as the snowflakes grew into large clumps and began to all seemingly explode in white shards as they hit the window.  She let a smile touch her lips, knowing he was near.  She knew she would not be able to see him, even if he was still alive.  It was the road Fate had chosen for their lives, and her life was destined to be without him in it.  “Trowa, I hope you know I will never forget you, ever,” She whispered as a cool breeze scattered the delicate snowflakes away from the window.

            She watched the snow fall for a little longer, but soon went off to bed as sleep began to control her thoughts.  She slept through most of the night, only awaking once when she thought she heard Trowa’s voice beckoning her to wake up.  Only when she woke up, there was nobody there.  She fell back to sleep, thoroughly disappointed.

            Relena slept fitfully the rest of the night, fragments of dreams haunting her sleep as she remembered the voice and Trowa.  She was worried about facing Heero, she knew something about Trowa would come up, whether Hilde warned him or not.  It was morning before she knew it, the bright sun shone through her window, giving a false sense of warmth in the prime of winter.

            “Relena, rise and shine!  Duo made some to-die-for pancakes and our guest will be here in two hours!” Hilde’s greeting came in the form of an energetic chirp.  Relena made a moan as the sun shone through her eyelids.  “Go ‘way!” Relena demanded as she tossed her pillow over her head to cover up her eyes and ears.

            “Come on, Lena, you have to get up.  Duo will be mad you didn’t try his scrumptious pancakes, he may even insist he is a terrible chef until you try them.  Come on sleepy head, it is way past time to wake up,” Hilde persisted in a fully awake voice.  “I hate mornings with a vengeance.  How can you stand to be the type of person who eagerly awaits each and every sun rise?  I don’t want to get up for another three hours, at least, so let me sleep!” Relena begged as she rolled away from Hilde.

            “We have company coming.  You will want to be ready before he gets here.  Come on, have some breakfast and start your morning out right,” Hilde prompted, trying to entice Relena with food.  Relena moaned, but she soon rolled out of bed and got her things lined up to take a shower.  “Tell Duo I will be down in about thirty minutes.  I promise I won’t go back to bed,” Relena mumbled in a half unintelligible voice.

            “Right, I will just go downstairs and wait for you,” Hilde told Relena as she left Relena’s room.

            Relena rolled over onto her side and stared out the picture-perfect scene right out her window.  “How can things look beautiful when people hurt so badly?” Relena whispered at the sunshine. 

            A brilliantly colored cardinal was her only answer.  The whole night had been a bad nightmare for her.  Trowa, his ‘voice’, the tormenting dreams had all laid a silent curse on her the night before that hadn’t allowed her a pleasant sleep.  Nothing made sense to her from the dream, it had all just been a fragment of memories, whispers, and pictures.  She could barely piece together any of it.  All she knew was:  it was going to be a long week.

            Relena lazily rolled out of the bed and fell to the floor, the carpet hiding the thud as she hit the ground.  She slowly stood up, swaying a little until she was able to gain her balance.  She went over to her dresser to fish out some clothes for the day before going to take a shower.  Twenty-five minutes later she emerged from the shower, her hair in a turban. 

            She slowly made her way down to the kitchen, her slippered feet dragging ever so slightly as she went down the steps and into the large and well-furnished dining room.  “I’m up!” Relena said brightly.

            Duo and Hilde looked up from their meals when they heard her announce her greeting.  “Hey, Lena, grab a plate and try some of my pancakes,” Duo invited with a warm smile.  He took another big bite of the food in front of him, turning most of his attention to his food once again.  He cleaned his plate in a matter of seconds.  He placed his hands on his stomach and leaned back in the chair, a pleased sigh escaping him.

            “Yeah, you have to try these pancakes.  They are delicious, I would say almost to die for,” Hilde commented as Relena got a plate and scooped three pancakes onto her plate.  “Just, almost? Not totally and completely and most definitely to die for?” Duo asked, indignant as he righted his chair.  “Yeah, only almost for your out-of-the-box recipe.  Now, as I said earlier to you, Relena, Heero is due here shortly and he will be staying in the guest room adjoining yours.  You got your room picked up, right?” Hilde asked in an almost parental tone, trying to avoid looking at Duo and look like a strict parent at the same time.

            “Hey, don’t change the subject, you can’t get away with that” Duo objected as he poked Hilde in the ribs.  Hilde squirmed away from him while trying to get him in the ribs as well.  Relena sat down and drenched her pancakes in syrup before taking a large bite.  “Yeah, I always have a clean and spotless room, remember?  And these are almost to die for.  But just almost because my personal chef has a much better recipe than Bisquik©,” Relena commented.

            Duo pouted at the both of them, his violet eyes laughing and sulking at the same time while a grin and a frown danced across his lips.  Relena and Hilde looked at each other before turning to Duo, their faces looking overly sympathetic.  “Does the wittle boy need a nappie pie?  He seems tired, look at his pouty face and out-turned lip.  Do you want to go to bed, wittle Duo?” Hilde asked.

            “I am not a little kid and I am not tired,” Duo said tersely as he turned away from them, his arms crossed over his chest to prove he was still pouting.

            Relena soon finished with breakfast and helped Hilde clear the table, Duo was still pretending to pout and refused to help do the dishes until someone spoke in total adoration of his food.  Hilde went to clear his plate and planted a kiss on top of his head.  Duo peeked up at her from under his long lashes.  “It still does not make up for what you said about my pancakes,” Duo told her in the voice of a two-year-old.

            “Nothing will make up for it in your eyes, Du.  Now help us clean up or you will be stuck with dishes for the rest of the week.  I mean it,” Relena threatened.  “It is my house and my rules.  So I say I don’t have to do anything you want me to,” Duo replied, purposely defying Relena and her lack of ownership in his cabin.  He stuck his nose high in the air and turned away from her.

            “I too will enforce the rule, buster.  Now help us out or sleep on the couch,” Hilde warned in a teasing tone, coming to back up Relena’s idea as she dried off a plate Relena handed her.

            “Two on one is not fair.  Just wait until Heero gets here, then everything will be fair,” Duo stated, a fake pout beginning to come into his voice.  He was still turned away from them, not wanting them to reel him in with puppy-dog eyes yet.

            “Isn’t he the one whom you have to drag up here every year?  I know he is your best friend and all, but isn’t he a little quiet, reserved, and stubborn?  He is quite the opposite of carefree little you.  I sometimes wonder why you two are best friends, with his lack of speech and all,” Hilde stated, trying to turn Duo away from making his reserves stronger.  She set the warm plate on a pile and turned to look at Duo, who was still stubbornly facing the wall.  He turned when she spoke, almost ready to leap at the chance of an argument.

            “So what are you implying about him?  Men will stick with men, no matter what.  You women are impossible to beat on our own, all guys know that and they will all gladly pair up to beat you,” Duo retorted, his tone raising in pitch, almost like a warning to back off.  “You are starting to sound too much like Wufei.  By the way, when do Sally and him return from their honeymoon?  They went to the moon, right?” Hilde asked, suddenly deciding to change the subject so a true argument didn’t break out in front of Relena.

            “Actually, they went to Mars for a while.  Noin and Une have kept them on alert, but they officially come back tomorrow or within the week.  I have to go into work sometime this weekend for a little bit as well, honey.  Sorry, but something has come up and they want me and Heero to check it out.  We have to do some code cracking before we can come home.  I promise it should only be for a few hours, max,” Duo informed Hilde.

            “Fine, I guess, but only for a few hours,” Hilde relented with a hint of resignation.  Duo often had to skip out on things with her because of his involvement in the Preventers.  Duo stood up and went over by the sink to stand by her.  “Thanks, babe,” Duo smiled as he gave Hilde a quick peck on the mouth.  Hilde blushed, her whole face turning a deep shade of crimson. “Not in front of company,” Hilde whispered through clenched teeth, embarrassed at the display of affection in front of Relena.

            Relena watched their little scene with a smile playing on her lips.  She cleared the table and had all the dishes done when they finished their ‘argument’.  “What took you two lovebirds so long?  I have long since been done with the dishes.  Since I am the guess, this is your house, and I already stated if you didn’t do the dishes today you had to do them later, Duo gets all week and Hilde gets the next three days,” Relena said, a triumphant smile on her face.

            Duo and Hilde looked at each other and nodded, a glint of something in their eyes.  “What are you two doing? Why are you looking at me like I was some type of prey and you two are the predators?” Relena asked, warily eyeing her two friends.

            “Trying to think of a way to gang up on you and have you do all the dishes,” Hilde announced.

            “Hey, that isn’t fair: The couple versus me?!” Relena said, trying to sound appalled.  “All is fair: two girls, a couple, anything works, really,” Duo started, “I mean, life actually isn’t very fair, but hey, everything can go.  Maybe you and Heero could hook up and it would be couple versus couple.  What do you think, Hild?  Do you think everything and anything goes as long as you don’t pull anything dirty?”

            “I agree with him, anything really works, Lena.  But I don’t know about cheery Relena with dreary Heero, it just isn’t very imaginable.  Now, how about taking a wintry walk to take our minds off of chores?” Hilde admitted.

            Everyone nodded.  Lena took her time getting ready, watching as Hilde and Duo laughed as they tried to avoid each other’s jabs and jab the other person, all while trying to get into their winter gear.  A doleful smile touched Relena’s lips.  She wished she could be here with him, enjoying the brisk winter’s day.  Instead, she was all alone watching as her friends did what she could no longer do. 

            They were all finally ready after what seemed like forever to Relena, but were only ten minutes.  As they all stepped outside, soft snowflakes began to fall, tugging at Relena’s heart with each step she took.  The white blanket beneath their feet crunched as they made their way to the snow-dipped forest of evergreens.

            It would have been truly beautiful out if Relena’s heart wasn’t so heavy with the thoughts of Trowa.  Just thinking his name cut her to her heart.  Nothing had ever been the same when he didn’t return.  It was time to move on, but her love for him kept her in an unsatisfactory roller coaster dwelling in the past and the present.  Hilde and Duo were behind her, laughing light so as not to disturb the snow resting heavily on the green boughs of the tall pines.

            It was a lonesome, solitary walk for Relena.  She trudged through snowdrifts and carefully eluded the snow falling from the trees.  She looked up for just one second, and a snowflake found itself melting to the corner of her right eye and slowly making a trail down her cheek.  A real tear soon replaced it.  “I’m going to head back,” Relena announced, trying to keep her voice from breaking.

            “Okay, do you want us to come with you?” Hilde asked, worried for her friend when she spotted the tear.  Then Relena turned away, trying to make sure they didn’t leave just because she was feeling a little down.  “I’ll be fine,” Relena sniffed as she began to make her way back to the cabin.  Relena could feel Hilde’s eyes on her as she began to take the snowy path back to the cabin.

            She slowly walked through the snow, retracing the footprints she had made coming out there.  She stumbled but once, and only when a root came into her path.  She made it safely back to the house and let herself in.  She took off her coat, boots, gloves, and earmuffs and set them down on the little chair by the door.  She went into the spacious living room, (being a Preventer paid quite nicely) and turned on the large fireplace.

            Instantly, a flame erupted and soon it was dancing around, fogging the glass.  Relena waited a few moments before turning on the fan and let the hot breeze warm her face.  She put her hands close to the glass and rubbed her hands fiercely together, trying to warm the icy coldness that had seeped into them although she had been wearing her gloves.  She stood, going into the kitchen to make herself some hot chocolate while the fireplace warmed the room up from the bitter cold which had found its way into the house from the large door to the front of the house.

            She came back moments later, steaming mug of cocoa in her hands.  She raised the glass to her mouth and took a few short sips, testing the warmth of the mix she had just gotten out of the microwave.  She set the cup aside, it was too warm to drink just yet.  She then leaned up against one of the room’s large rocking chairs and let herself relax.

            Tranquility seeped into every cell in her body as the warmth and comfort wrapped around her in an enticing manner.  She felt herself nodding off and welcomed the sleep that was beginning to take control of her.  Then, the shrill cry of the doorbell sounded, shattering the peaceful bliss she had experienced moments ago.

            Relena moaned as she stood up to answer the door.  The doorbell sounded like a piccolo doing a trill as whoever was at the door kept jabbing its finger at the bell.  “I’m coming!” Relena shouted angrily as she stomped over to the door and threw it open to reveal a guy with an almost Trowa like appearance.

            “Come in,” Relena huffed, not looking at who was at the door as she moved to the side to let him pass.

            “Where’s Duo and Hilde?” came a deep, monotonous voice as the visitor came in and seemed to notice the absence of his hosts.

            “Outside taking a wa…” Relena began but did not finish as she saw his Prussian blue eyes and messy brown hair.

            ‘He resembles Trowa.  He even talks a little like Trowa, or at least how Trowa talked when he was suspicious,’ Relena thought to herself as she continued to stare in shock at the man in front of her.

            “Right,” he muttered as he turned and began to walk upstairs, completely ignoring the weird stare she sent after him.

            Relena gawked after him, refusing to believe this could be happening to her after the pain was still harshly on her mind.  She went out side to find Duo and Hilde, or anything which might be able to take her mind off of him.  It was still too hard to think about Trowa, and if he said the name, she knew she would break down into tears.  She saw Hilde and Duo coming up the walk, with Hilde hanging on Duo’s arm gazing up at him.  They were both thoroughly covered in snow and laughter rang from them.  “What’s up?” Hilde asked, curious as to why she was there greeting them. 

            “Your guest is here,” Relena smiled, deciding it was not the time to tell them his resemblance, or at least in Relena’s eyes.  She followed her hosts inside and watched as Duo took the stairs two at a time to see his friend.  “You guys look like you have a good time,” Relena mentioned.

            “You should have stayed, Lena because a few moments after you left, a huge chunk of snow fell right on top of Duo!  Boy, did he have a fit, especially when he saw me laughing and immediately took a piece from him and threw it at me.  It was a blast,” Hilde laughed, her spirits high and happy.

            “I’m very pleased to know you and Duo still know how to have a good time.  What we doing for supper tonight?  I kind of wanted to stop into town and pick up a few things.  You know to get my mind cleared of all the stress my job gave me,” Relena wondered, adding her reasons so she could get a more definite answer than ‘I don’t know’.

            “You are only here for the week, so I don’t know yet.  Maybe a casserole or maybe we will all go out to eat somewhere.  Whatever you and Heero would like to do is fine with Duo and I.  We decided to let our guests have the freedom to do as they will, you know we are up here almost all the time,” Hilde said in reply to Relena’s question.

            “Thanks.  I’ll get back to you,” Relena smiled graciously at Hilde.  Relena watched Hilde go into the kitchen for a drink, but Relena went back to her haven in the living room.  She settled back down into her spot and let the tension slowly drain out of her as she found serenity in the surroundings she was lavishing herself in.  It was a while before she decided to break her peace.

            She went and turned off the fireplace, the room was already filling up with the heat from the fire.  She was completely relaxed, with no thoughts of Heero or Trowa on her mind.  She went out to the kitchen to find Hilde and tell her what she was open to for the night.  Hilde sat at a laptop when Relena walked in.  “Hey, Hild.  What are you doing?” Relena asked.  Hilde looked up and smiled, removing the reading glasses she was wearing.  “The magazine wants me to do an article of these mountains for my next vacay destination,” Hilde explained.

            Relena nodded and took a seat next to her, reading the few paragraphs she had already typed up.  She then grabbed an apple out of the fruit basket to try think of other things Hilde could add.  She took a bite of the apple when an idea popped into her mind.  “Why don’t you do something on how it would be a great romantic get-away?  I mean you and Du have had an awesome time together up here and I remember you guys always have,” Relena suggested, spitting apple particles as she talked.

            “Don’t talk with your mouth full; I could barely understand you and your apple is now imbedded into my keyboard.  It is a great idea, though,” Hilde nodded.  Relena smiled, making sure to finish her bite before she talked.  “Thanks.  It is all thanks to the terrific chemistry you and Duo share, otherwise I would never have thought of it,” Relena admitted before taking another bite of the apple. 

            “Maybe you could write this article.  I mean you love it up here as well and your ideas rock,” Hilde said after a moment of thinking.  Relena shook her head as Hilde turned the computer over to her.  “Sorry, but I am no good at writing those types of things.  This is your article, anyway,” Relena stated as she turned the computer back to Hilde.

            Hilde let a pout spread over her face.  “Please?  I could really use the help with this article.  This is like my home, I don’t know what is stellar about it. I just know it is good.  A visitor would be better suited to write the article as they would know more of the little charms this place has to offer,” Hilde said, trying to make it sound as if Relena was the only one who could write the article.  Relena shook her head in a definite no.  “Sorry, Hild, but it isn’t my cup of tea.  I just try to solve war so we can live in a happier fashion,” Relena apologized. 

            “Fine, now what did you come here to tell me?” Hilde asked, knowing Relena didn’t come in just to talk about the article.  Relena glanced up, knowing the story would come up later but for now, she had Hilde struck out with ways to persuade Relena to do the article.  “I came in to offer my two cents on what we could eat tonight,” Relena said.

            “Well,  Duo and Heero are out for a while longer, probably not until late and they said to just get something for the two of us as they would catch something there,” Hilde told Relena, “Thanks for the offer anyway, some people don’t even try to offer a suggestion.”

            Relena nodded, a little upset for not having something big to do.  “Maybe I will tackle your article, I need some type of work to do or I will get totally bored and start acting all weird,” Relena grinned.  Hilde looked at her, one eyebrow cocked up.  “Thanks, but Lena, you are weird.  No one else would ask for work when they are supposed to be off,” Hilde replied.  Relena just looked at her friend and smiled impishly and gave a shrug of her shoulders. 

            Relena went to the computer and began to rapidly type out what was on her mind, what made this place so perfect for a romantic setting.  It was late at night before she finished typing, and her stomach grumbled furiously at her for being ignored and not fed for the night.  Relena pressed the save button and shut down Hilde’s computer before she went into the kitchen to find something to eat in the refrigerator.

            Relena was rummaging through the refrigerator when she heard the front door open.  She knew it was Duo and Heero, so she didn’t move from her position.  “Lena, What you doing in here?” Duo asked, curious as to why his guest was doing what he usually did.  Relena came out from the fridge to look at him.  “I worked on Hilde’s article for her and forgot to eat until now.  So, here I am in the kitchen looking for my supper.  I do believe I earned it with all the effort I tossed into Hilde’s report,” Relena replied.

            Duo nodded at her and went to go upstairs.  Relena had found what she was going to eat soon after and put it in the microwave to be warmed up.  She had just sat down with her sandwich when she saw a shadow go past the door in the kitchen. She was a little worried, but knew Duo had his house safe guarded to the maximum against intruders, so she took it as Heero.  She went back to her meal and cleaned up her dish after a few more minutes.  She then went up to go to bed, the long day catching up to her.

            Relena was ready for bed in just minutes, her record from previous times.  She crawled beneath the cool sheets and sleep instantly took her into a peaceful, sweet world of dreams and relaxation.  Relena didn’t have any problems sleeping, but she didn’t want to wake up the next morning when Hilde came to get her.  “I don’t want to get up yet, I got up early yesterday.  I had to do your article until late at night, as well,” Relena complained as Hilde opened up her blinds and let the bright sunlight stream in.

            “I know you did that is why I let you sleep in so long, but it is noon so you could start to get up soon.  We have a whole afternoon full of plans, so if you could get up so the rest of us can get started…” Hilde replied to the still sleepy Relena.  Relena rolled over and popped one eye open suspiciously at her friend.  “Is it really noon already?” Relena asked.

            “Yes, it is noon already.  Duo and Heero are ready to do something, especially Duo,” Hilde nodded, trying to prompt Relena to get up.  Relena sat up, stretched and yawned.  “All right, I’ll be ready in half an hour.  But I better get some food out of the deal because I am hungry,” Relena relented as she got out of bed and went over to her dresser.

            It was exactly thirty minutes later when Relena was ready.  She smoothed some gloss over her lips and bounded down the stairs.  Everyone else was waiting for her.  “I’m all ready,” Relena announced.

            “It’s about time.  I’m hungry and Hilde wouldn’t let me eat because we were waiting to go into town and eat,” Duo complained while shooting a look of daggers at his wife.

            “Not my problem she likes to sleep in,” Hilde smiled innocently as he batted her long eyelashes at him and gave the sweetest smile, “I’m driving.”

            “Not fair, you always get to drive.  It is so my turn, little lady, so you can forget about driving!” Duo yelled after her as she ran to the car, sprinting his way down to the car as well, “Head-starts are illegal in this house, by the way!”

            Hilde laughed as she pulled open the driver’s door and got into the car, locking the door securely behind her to keep Duo from dragging her out.  Her eyes danced with mirth as she watched Duo pull up in front of the door, a pout already beginning to form on his face.  She stuck her tongue out at Duo and just let him pout at her through the window, his eyes doing their best to persuade her to give the seat up to him but they failed in their all important mission.  “Come on, Lena, take front seat with me!” Hilde smiled as she saw her friend come out of the house, followed by Heero.

            Relena smiled as she slid in next to her friend, shutting the door before Duo managed to come over her side to at least get shotgun.  Duo submitted to them and slunk into the back-seat, a dejected frown slipping across his usually ecstatic demeanor.  His eyes betrayed him in a way which he was not aware of and could not have prevented even if he tried his hardest, though.  They shone with glee and childishness which Relena saw in no one but him and Hilde, everyone else always was so much more somber in their daily lives.

            The drive into the wintry village was relatively short as the roads weren’t icy, but a storm was expected soon and everyone seemed to be preparing for the worst.  Some parts of the ride were slow and testing, but others were quick and relaxing.  “Can we go to the mall first?  I love the philly they have there!” Duo asked as the town and its mall came into view.

            “Sound all right with everyone else, if not, do you have any other suggestions for where we might eat?” Hilde asked, doing the job Duo hadn’t efficiently done.  There was no sound of complaint, or even a different suggestion as they reached the town.  “I guess to the mall it is,” Hilde announced.  Duo’s face lit up like a light bulb and he bounced a little in his seat with anticipation.

            “Hn,” a small noise arose from Heero.  Relena looked curiously over at him, trying to figure him out.  As soon as she came close to finding the key, an impenetrable shield was put in play.

            Relena let her shoulders slump in  defeat, she was never going to figure out the elusive Heero Yuy, only Duo knew the key to getting the guy to talk, and Heero still only muttered single syllable words at a time.  The car soon stopped and caused Relena to look up in surprise, she hadn’t been expecting to arrive so soon.  They weren’t at the mall, instead, they were just a block away and stuck in the most unfortunate traffic jam any of them had ever seen, and they lived in a big town none the less!

            It was a good half an hour before the crowded line of cars in front of them began to slowly move, many not even taking the same route as the car was taking.  “Boy that jam sure lasted a long time.  Next time I’m bringing along a snack, that way my stomach won’t be so hungry when my wife doesn’t let me eat and forces me to sit for over an hour in a hot and stuffy car without food,” Duo announced, the last part spoken resolutely.

            “Do what you wish, Duo, but there won’t be a next time if you act as spoiled as you are acting at this moment,” Hilde replied, mocking the voice of a mother scolding her unrepentant child.  Duo let his lower lips protrude slightly as it wavered slightly, acting as if he was on the verge of tears.  His big, violet eyes looked so solemn and sorry, but also defiant and challenging.  “Don’t try to butter up to me, young man, because it will not work no matter how hard you try.  You always have to complain and I will not let you do that,” Hilde reprimanded in a stern voice, trying to get him to act his age.

            The car was silent as Hilde slowly made the way to the parking lot, hoping to find a parking space available, but alas, her search was in vain.  “I guess I’ll have to park in the ramp.  Anyone got change for the toll?” Hilde wondered as she swung the car into the ramp’s small but cluttered entrance and reached the ramp’s yellow striped arm.

            No one said anything, but they all handed her miscellaneous change.  Hilde gave a bemused half grin before throwing the change into the money counter.  A ticket popped out and Hilde removed it and stuck it into her car’s windshield.  Hilde maneuvered the car into the ramp and took the first available parking space she saw.

            They got out and walked silently to the mall, Heero trailing far behind the rest of the group.  Relena was quietly walking behind Hilde and Duo, who were holding hands and speaking in hushed tones.  They were all quite comfortable with the walk, but Relena felt an unwanted tension radiating from Heero.  They entered the mall and walked towards the food court, Duo eagerly walking up to the Philly stand.

            Hilde went to the Spud Hut to get her favorite meal, the Delux hot chips and bacon with a side of honey sauce.  Relena on the other hand went to the Dog Stand to get a hot dog.  Relena didn’t notice where Heero went, but she met Hilde and Duo at a quaint little patio table.  They ate in silence and Heero joined them later with a single bag in hand.

            “Do you want to shop for a while or do something else like go back home and do some skiing?” Hilde asked as she came back from dumping her tray.  Everyone around her shrugged and Hilde frowned at the reply she got.  “Fine, we stay and shop then go home and ski,” Hilde said, a pout of her face, “Duo and I are going to go get Lena a birthday present, so Heero and Lena can go shopping while we shop as well.”

            Relena nodded slowly, but Heero remained as impassive as ever.  She took a few steps forward before Heero began to trail her.  ‘What, is he my bodyguard or something?’ Relena thought to herself with a silent laugh.

            Heero didn’t seem to be paying attention to where they were going, and Relena smirked as she led him into Victoria’s Secret.  He followed her in before snapping out of his daze.  He looked around and a deep blush crept over his cheeks before he swiftly got out of there.  Relena followed suit, hoping to find a good book at the bookstore before they went back up to the cabin.  She went into the bookstore and found the book she had been wanting for weeks. 

            She gladly paid the price before walking out, book in hand.  Relena met Heero at a bench where they decided to wait for Duo and Hilde to get done shopping.  “What is your favorite color?” Relena suddenly asked, trying to break the ice.

            “Hn.”

            “Odd color.  And what about food?”

            “Hn.”

            “Is that like olive, can be a color or a food?”  A small smirk appeared on Relena’s mouth, but Heero still remained emotionless.

            “What did you buy earlier, I noticed you picked up a package.”

            “Nothing.”

            Relena blinked in surprise, she didn’t know the guy talked.  “So you have a bag to carry nothing in, neat.”

            Heero turned to look at her, his eyes betraying his emotions.  Relena spotted ironic amusement, incredulity, and tranquility, the oddest mix she had ever seen.  “Hey, Heero, Lena!” Duo’s warm voice greeted as he and Hilde approached arm in arm.

            “About time.  I was ready to send out a search party, but Hn boy over there just sat around,” Relena said with a smile, her voice light and teasing.

            “Isn’t bonding great!”  Hilde laughed.  They were soon off to the car, this time with Heero and Duo up front, Heero driving.  “How come no one trusts me to drive?” Duo asked with a pout as he sulked in his seat.

            “Du, you barely got your license, and you crash about once a month,” Relena replied with complete honesty.  A snicker came from Hilde and Relena actually caught half a grin on Heero’s lips.  The drive home was quiet and quick, so no one got hungry or fed up.  Duo still managed to fall asleep, gentle snores escaping him.

            Everyone got out and went to their room, minus Duo who was still asleep in the car.  Relena went over to her bed and immediately lay down on the soft bed to read her book.  The sun set and the moon rose high into the sky before Relena went downstairs.  Her book was mostly finished and she was starving for food.  She was going to once again raid the refrigerator. 

            She went through the items, immediately saying no to some and placing some out as possibilities.  She was soon done and took a small Tupperware with barbecued chicken inside.  She opened it up and declared it safe to eat before sticking it in the microwave to cook.  After three minutes, she ate her meal.  She saw flickers of shadow and heard soft laughter from above. 

            She knew the people in this place better than they thought she did.  She could even piece together bits of Heero’s past, something she knew many could not do.  She just couldn’t place her finger on the event that had changed him into the man he is today.  ‘Oh, Trowa, is it right to love another?’ Relena whispered so only she could hear, her whole heart thrown into the innocent question.

            She didn’t a reply as her eyes began to well-up with tears.  She felt a cry building up in her throat, and ran up to her room.  It was then when she realized Heero was staying in the same room as she.  She held her hand to her mouth to muffle her quiet sobs as she retreated into the bathroom.

            Tears freely flowed down her cheeks, her sobs soft, but not silent.  The knees of her jeans slowly darkened as they were slowly wetted with the salty tears dropping from her sad, aquamarine eyes (if you have seen the real deal, then you know it is the softest baby-blue ever.  It is so gorgeous!).  Her breath caught in her lungs, tears almost choking her.  She closed her eyes as she swallowed against the knot lodged in her throat.  ‘Please, Trowa, save me!’ she silently begged, all resolve she had slowly built up since Heero’s arrival being torn away, revealing more she didn’t want to feel.

            Relena suddenly lost all happiness, her life becoming as gloomy as it had ever been since he first disappeared.  The small flame which had begun to spark for Heero was extinguished and sealed.  Sadness filled her entire being as she continued to pour her heart into the sobs she was letting free.  Her crying was no longer quiet, but tragic, somber, and full of the pain she bore in her heart. 

            A knock sounded on the door, but Relena refused to answer it, not wanting to have anyone discover the pain she was truly in.  “Relena, open this door, now,” a voice commanded through the door, its tone assertive and strong.

            “No, please go away!” Relena ordered, her voice faltering as she hugged her knees even tighter.

            She saw the brass knob turn slowly before the oak door eased open.  “Please, leave me alone,” Relena pleaded, turning her tearful eyes to her guest who happened to be Heero.

            “What’s wrong?” he asked her, his voice almost caring and polite.

            “I don’t need your pity, I don’t need anything from you, you cold hearted bastard!”

            Heero took a step back, startled at her words and the venom in her voice.  He had gotten the impression Relena Darlian was polite, refined, and didn’t have a mean bone in her body.  He had obviously thought wrong.  Relena stood, anger burning in her eyes with such force Heero almost lifted his hand to shield the brightness. 

            All the sadness she had experienced before quickly changed into anger.  Anger at Trowa for leaving her, anger at Heero for looking like Trowa and attracting her like no one but Trowa, and anger at herself for crying so loud.  Her eyes squinted at him, intense feelings reflected in them.  “Calm down,” Heero said as he lifted his hands, his voice sounding almost nervous to Relena.

            “Don’t think you can tame me, Heero Yuy.  This is all your fault.  If you would have helped Trowa, if you would have not come this weekend, if you didn’t look so damn much like him, none of this would have happened!”

            Relena had her index finger pointed at Heero’s chest.  He backed up a few steps before anger came to life in his eyes.  “Stop living in the past!  Trowa is gone, he went without telling anyone else so they could help him!  I never would hurt my best friend by refusing to visit him, and I can’t rearrange my genetics so you can be a perfectly happy little bitch!”  Heero’s tone was so loud, it most likely could have woken up the entire house or caused an avalanche, but it didn’t or there was no sign of any.

            “Don’t turn the blame to me!  I can’t help the fact that I lost someone who I loved with all my heart!”

            “The past is long since gone and you won’t give up on it yet!  If you looked around you, you would see how many things have changed so much since he died!  Don’t think you are the only one who mourns, either.  Everyone has lost at least something dear to them!”

            “You would be the only one to not know!  You are just a heartless asshole who won’t give anyone a chance!”

            “That is where you are wrong, so wrong,” Heero said as his voice lowered from a yell to an almost inaudible whisper, “That is where you are wrong.”

            Relena froze as he said that, something in his tone told her he had suffered just as much as her, but she didn’t know what could cause pain in him like she was feeling.  “I lost someone once.  I didn’t know her very well, but the feeling of losing her is still etched on my conscience.  But it wasn’t the only thing.

            “I had tried to destroy my life as a Gundam pilot, but the plan backfired and began to fall on the village where I had met a little girl just hours ago.  She had given me a flower, a sign to stay happy, the way she had met me.  I was happy because I would soon be free, but not this time, this time I would become the Perfect Soldier designed only to kill.” Heero’s voice stayed hushed.  “I couldn’t believe I had taken the lives of so many innocents, so many people who had no fighting chance all because of something I wanted.  It was not until later, when I discovered my sister was also in the building visiting her fiancé.  I killed my sister and her future.  I had to give up my feelings or I would be consumed by an all-eating guilt.”

            “So you ran from your past?” Relena asked, her voice supporting him.

            Relena didn’t realize how much he needed that support.  He cleared his throat and looked deep into her eyes.  “Yes, only to run into you, who looks so much like the small child all grown up,” Heero told her in a voice so filled with emotion Relena’s eyes watered with tears for him, not for herself.

            “I’m so sorry.”

            “I deserved it.”

            Relena wasn’t sure what made her do what she did next, but it was something she didn’t regret.  She took a step toward him and tightly embraced him.  Before long, his lips had found hers and she was receiving one of the most passionate kisses she had ever had.  Her hands were pulling him closer to her, one on his neck the other lost in his messy hair.  His hands were also holding her close, one on her waist the other entwined in her golden hair. 

            They pulled apart moments later, both gasping for breath.  “Good night, and forgive yourself,” Relena whispered to Heero as she went to her bed.

            “I will forgive myself when you stop hurting about Trowa,” Heero replied as he also walked into the room and slid beneath his covers.

~~

            It was early the next morning when Relena felt herself jerk awake.  She had been running from something, but what?  Then she remembered, Heero.  He wasn’t going to hurt her or anything, she just knew she had to escape him before he got her.  ‘Why does he terrify me so?’ Relena wondered, trying to sort out the confusing images which still haunted her mind.

            ‘I will forgive myself when you stop hurting about Trowa.’ Relena clearly remembered the statement, wishing she could just stop hurting so badly over him.  She hadn’t lost him the way Heero had lost his sister, no, she lost him because of Trowa’s own accord.  ‘Love is something I wish I had never known,’ Relena thought, Trowa taking up to much of her mind for her to care about any other guy who might enter her life, no matter how charming they were to her.

            ‘I won’t be able to not run from Heero until I let Trowa go, but I cannot let Trowa go until he is ready to forgive himself.  We are in a situation which will never be resolved,’ Relena lamented as she quietly got up, sticking her feet into her puppy slippers.  She quietly left the room, not checking to see if Heero was up or not.  She reached the kitchen to find Hilde and Duo already up, making French toast.

            “Morning!” Relena greeted as brightly as she could.

            “Good morning, Lena.  Do pancakes sound good?” Duo asked.

            “Perfect,” Relena said before yawning widely.

            She went and sat on a stool, knowing her hosts could take care of the food.  She wiped her tired eyes, hoping to stimulate them to wake up.  “What are you guys thinking of doing today?” Relena asked, trying to get her brain to function for a normal conversation. 

            “We were thinking either of going skiing or just hiking for the day and coming back for a pot roast,” Hilde replied, cracking an egg as she did so.

            “Sounds good,” Relena said, glad the conversation seemed to be going easy.

            “What was all that yelling about last night?” Hilde wondered suddenly.

            “Nothing, Heero and I just had a slight disagreement,” Relena replied, too tired to go into details.

            “Do you want to switch rooms?  Duo and Heero could be in one room and us in the other,” Hilde suggested, concern spreading across her face.

            “It should be fine, don’t worry about it.  We straightened the mess out,” Relena reassured her, not sure if her problems would go away if she didn’t face her fears.

            Hilde just nodded as she went back to making breakfast.  “Heero went out for a walk, but should be back soon with the milk for breakfast,” Duo suddenly announced, trying to fill in the silence which had slowly settled in.

            The silence hadn’t been uncomfortable, but questions would be asked if the void wasn’t filled by another subject.  “Good, we ran out a few days ago and I always like a cup to go with my supper,” Hilde said, trying to sound jovial.

            Relena nodded, her mind too muddled with remnants of sleep to really focus on anything but her hands folded before her.  The sound of the front door made her start, making her realize she had been thinking about a dream which only had left behind scattered fragments too diverse to piece together.  “Just in time!” Duo greeted when Heero entered the kitchen, snow dusting his appearance.

            Heero nodded mutely, not looking over in Relena’s direction at all.  Breakfast was served and all filled their plates.  It was a quiet meal as everyone ate, their thoughts were on subjects none really wanted to talk about.  “We were planning on going skiing or hiking today,” Hilde mentioned to Heero as everyone began to clean their own dishes. 

            Heero made the barest inclination of his head to tell her he had heard.  “Preferences?”

            He shook his head, choosing to be mute.  “Relena?”

            “How about an invigorating hike to the top of the summit and skiing down as much as we can?” Relena suggested, not leaning one way or the other.

            Duo nodded.  “Good plan, that way both choices win.  We can get ready anytime, just let me set the slow roaster.”

            Everyone cleared out of the kitchen and began to put on their skiing outfits.  It was not an unusually cold day, so they only brought what was needed and nothing more.  “We can get some hot chocolate or coffee when we get to the summit, then it is back down.  Today is the perfect day to be outside and enjoying the weather,” Hilde smiled as she pulled on one of her boots.

            “The ski things, they can take our equipment up, right?” Relena wondered, dreading the thought of carrying her skis up.

            “Yep.  We just have to get up there and pick it up when it comes around.”

            Relena nodded as she stepped outside, drinking in the freshness of the day.  She pulled her stuff behind her, seeing a car in the near distance.  “One is almost here!”

            Everyone quickly hurried out.  Duo pressed the stop button on the house and the chair stopped in front of them, the doors sliding open.  They all placed their equipment inside, firmly shutting the doors before they started their hike. 

            The ascent was slow and quiet, everyone taking their time through the hard packed snow banks.  They finally made it to where the ski lift stopped but an hour later.  “You guys can go in and get something, I’m just going to sit out here and relax,” Relena announced as they neared the chalet. 

            The rest of the group went inside while Relena took to a snowy bench.  Her eyes closed as she let the soft warmth of the sun touch her face.  “Hey, snow bunny, want a lift?” a deep voice asked.

            Relena cracked one eye open, staring at the fellow who had asked her.  “I’m fine, my friends are inside,” Relena assured him with a bored smile.

            His face fell as he began to go down the large mountain.  “Ready?” Hilde asked as she, Duo, and Heero came out.

            Relena smiled brightly.  They went to the chair lift, waiting for the car with their stuff to stop.  “Car Thirty!” a man’s voice cried as the lift stopped.

            The group went over and grabbed their things before getting their ski equipment on.  In moments they were all ready.  “Here we go!” Duo laughed as they pushed off to begin the descent.

            Hilde and Relena wove their way down while Duo and Heero raced down as fast as they could, snow flying up from behind them.  The sun occasionally disappeared behind random clouds, but continued to light the way.  They had just gone one-third of the mountain when dark clouds loomed overhead.  “We best try to find some shelter, a storm is rolling in,” Duo advised as he looked at the almost black clouds.

            Soft snowflakes began to swirl down around then, sticking to Relena’s eyelashes.  She looked to the top of the mountain, seeing the unsettled powder of the peak glisten as the snowflakes landed softly.  ‘Trowa!’ her heart cried, causing tears to prick at her eyes.

            They began to descend again, hoping to get a little closer to the house before the storm settled in.  The snow began to fall harder as a cold wind swept through the trees.  A low rumble shook beneath their feet.  Relena was curious to see what it was and glanced over her shoulder.  “Avalanche!” Hilde suddenly cried out as she began to race down. 

           It was like slow motion. Relena could see snowflakes swirling down and a massive pile of snow and debris coming ever closer. Relena could only stand, transfixed at the sheer power and speed.  “Get moving!” Heero yelled at her.

            Relena turned and nodded before using her poles to push off.  Her skis balanced unevenly as the avalanche slid closer.  “That cliff, go under it!” Duo shouted against the thunderous avalanche rolled nearer.

            Everyone turned, going as fast as they could to get under it.  Relena used her poles to unfasten her boots from her skis.  She ran as quickly as she could in the capacious ski boots.  She saw Duo, Hilde, and Heero make it under safely.  She pushed herself harder to make it to the overhang, but was swept up in the moving drift. 

‘So this is the power of millions of snowflakes. Love is not only soft, but hard as well,’ Relena thought as she was caught up in the snow. 

~~

            His bare hands dug deeper into the snow.  The hard ice stung and cut his hands and he plowed down deeper, desperately to find her.  His own eyes had watched the snow cover her head.  Now he knew what to love and have lost meant.  Not that he had told anyone, but his heart had begun to beat faster for the strong headed politician. 

            “Relena, where are you?!” Hilde cried out, her scared voice carrying out over the fiercely blowing wind.

            Hilde and Duo were a ways down; unable to see what Heero was doing.  Heero was glad they couldn’t see him because he couldn’t hide the raw emotion flaring across his face.  Soon he had a rather large hole dug, but he saw nothing of Relena.  ‘Come on, you have to be here somewhere!  Please, Relena, be alive!’ Heero silently begged, refusing to think the worst.

            The snow around him was tinged red with blood, his blood.  Each drop which escaped him was a tear he could not shed.  His hands were scraped, the cold biting at his wounds, but he didn’t pay heed to it.  He could feel no pain as long as he had something motivating him to work.

            He felt like his Gundam, mechanical with feelings.  His reactions were triggered by command with support for the one he was doing it for.  ‘Just a few more feet here and I’ll move on,’ his voice whispered inside his head, wishing he could find her now.

            His hand hit something hard, not like the ice he had been battling, but…different.  He looked down and saw the dark texture of a tree stump.  “Relena,” he breathed.

            Not because he thought she was there, but because he was scared she had been hit by one and who knew what had happened if it did.  He moved to stand, his hands screaming with pain.  Heero didn’t pay them any heed, he just stiffly walked away.  “Help me,” a soft voice whispered.

            Heero jerked back towards the whole, not sure if he had heard the soft voice.  He knelt down next to his hole and waited.  “Help me,” a voice stated again.

            Heero’s shoulders fell in disappointment, it was not Relena’s voice, it was the voice of another, a male.  He felt complied to help whoever was stuck under the snow and he got the man out an hour later.  “Thank you,” the man said between shivers.  “But there is someone else down there, a young lady.”

            Heero felt something with him come alive once again.  Maybe it was Relena, but then again maybe it was another skier.  He had to keep on digging, and maybe his hard work would be rewarded.  “Sir, who ever you are, may I assist you?  Your hands seem to be in pretty rough shape and in need of a little help while trying to rescue the girl.”

            “How much do you know about this girl?”

            “Oh, plenty.  She is my granddaughter and was skiing with her folks and I.”

            Heero’s hopes were once again dashed, but he knew better than to desert someone he could help.  “Why did you want to know about my grandchild?”

            “I am also looking for someone.  She is somewhere in this mess, but I could not tell you anymore.”

            “I see.”

            The job went faster when there were two people to do the job and not just one.  They had the girl out in minutes, Heero leaving the grandfather to sit with the girl.  He went down a little further, seeing Hilde and Duo had gone down a little further.  “Anything?” Duo called up, concern evident in his eyes.

            “I found an elderly man and his grandchild, but nothing on Relena!” Heero replied as he began to dig once more.

            The snow aggravated his hands once more and he once more ignored it.  After he had been digging for a few moments, he brushed against something with an unusual texture.  His eyes just stared at it, it was hair, human hair.  The color was a soft wheat, the color of Relena’s hair, could it really be her?  He dug down faster, his hands screaming in protest. 

            He uncovered her head and saw it was indeed her.  “I found her!” Heero cried out, triumph and happiness in his voice. 

            Hilde and Duo raced up the mountain, ready to give Heero a hand.  They got there just as he finished getting her out.  “One of you go get help, I’ll stay here,” Heero directed, feeling for a pulse in her neck.

            A faint throb brushed against his fingers.  “Is she…?” Hilde wondered quietly.

            “Barely.”

            Heero hadn’t noticed Duo had gone for help.  A soft brushed a light snow dust on everything.  Heero looked down at Relena’s face and saw a snowflake graze each eye on the lashes before fluttering down across her cheeks as if they were playing the role of tears.  ‘Who is crying for her?’ Heero wondered, knowing the snowflakes and everything else could be part of someone’s heart.

            Heero looked up at Hilde to see how she taking it.  Tears were freezing on her eyelashes, some strong enough to glide partially down her cheeks.  “I can’t believe she is safe.  I thought we had lost her,” Hilde moaned quietly, her voice just above a whisper.

            ‘I did too, I did too.’

            “Excuse us!  You two will have to move so we can work!” a voice stated from behind them, the voice slightly rushed between breaths.

            Heero moved away slowly, his hand lingering on her hair before stepping away.  Hilde had turned and ran back and Heero now saw she had run into Duo’s awaiting arms.  The paramedic team had put Relena on a gurney and was moving her towards an ambulance just a few yards away.  ‘I had not realized they had gotten here.  Where was I?’ Heero wondered.

            He watched the flashing lights retreat down the mountain, hope rising in his heart.  Maybe she would be okay, maybe she was going to make it.  Tomorrow was going to tell the truth, tomorrow would be a new day and a new start.  Or so he could only hope.

~~

            Relena felt heavy, weighed down.  Her eyelids seemed to be glued shut, her mouth sealed tight.  Her sense of hearing was acutely aware, and her left hand had a warm and almost tingly sensation. 

            All around her things were buzzing noisily.  A low voice spoke words which didn’t quite reach her ears.  She felt one of her eyes twitch as she struggled desperately to open at least one.  But her struggle was useless and she could see nothing but the backs of her eyelids.  The voice stopped speaking and the warmth left her hand.  Whoever had been at her side was leaving.  This was her only chance to see who it was. 

            A door shut and Relena knew her chance to see her visitor was gone.  She cursed her stiff limbs and wearied mind, willing her body to awaken, to be alive once more.  She felt so useless lying on whatever she was on.  She took a breath through her nose and was instantly assaulted with a mixture of fragrances.  ‘Raspberry disinfectant, ammonia, and…Silver Knife?’ Relena wondered, her mind suddenly awakening.  ‘Trowa wore that scent, and he was the only one I knew who would.  He didn’t wear it for the name, he wore it for the scent which he knew drove me mad.  Could it be?  Was he really here?’

            She heard her door open and an upbeat whistle began to fill her ears.  The quiet squeak of soles and a new sound was heard.  Relena struggled to make her body obey her once again and was pleased with the result.  “Well, I see you’ve awoken.  I’ll go tell Dr. Quasar you have.  Then I will let the eager group outside know as well,” the cheery, stout, female nurse before her stated lively.

            Relena nodded in the barest of motion as she turned her attention to the ceiling above.  It was stark white with the slightest shimmer to it.  Golden sunlight graced a small section, drawing a glittery reply from the ceiling.  She turned her head as she heard someone enter.  “Good day, Miss Darlian.  Glad to see you are finally coming around.  You had all of us here worried about your well being, but I see our worries were unnecessary,” the doctor announced, “And, if you are feeling a little stiff it is due to the bruises you suffered in the avalanche.  Let me be the first to tell you, you are one lucky woman to have survived that.  If that young man wouldn’t have dug you out, I am almost certain you wouldn’t be here today.”

            The doctor winked at her and began to talk once more.  But Relena stopped listening to him and began to wonder what the doctor had meant. Though, Relena seemed to have already known that fact somehow.  Dr. Quasar had left and Relena found herself staring at the ceiling once more.  Well until two very familiar voices began to speak loudly.  “Lena!” they shouted at the same time as they reached her bed.

            “Hey, Du, Hilde,” Relena smiled, relieved to see them.

            “Glad you are okay,” Hilde grinned as she leaned down and hugged her friend.

            “I’m glad I’m okay, too.”  Relena gave a small laugh.

They were all quiet. “God, Relena, we thought you were dead,” Hilde Duo sighed as Hilde came over to hug her.

“Do we know why there was an avalanche?” Relena wondered.

“No clue.” Duo said with a shake of his head.

“Where’s Heero?”

“He’s somewhere. Probably getting the bandages fixed on his hands.”

“Why? What did he do?”

“Dug you out with his bare hands. The silly fool gets an idea in his head and look what happens,” Duo chuckled.

Relena nodded. Her conversational questions all being answered.  Maybe now was the time for her question to be answered.  “And was Trowa here earlier?” Relena wondered, her eyes hopeful.

            “Relena, Trowa died three years ago,” Hilde gently stated, her voice quiet.

            “But I, I thought he was here.  I could smell the cologne he wore,” Relena insisted, her eyes pleading with them to tell the truth.

“Let go of him, Relena.  There is still someone else out there for you.  Let him go and allow yourself to find another person, another person who you can share your love and dreams with,” Hilde urged.

            “I can’t seem to do it.  He is always right there when I close my eyes and he is always in my thoughts.  To me, he isn’t dead,” Relena replied.

            “We’ve got to go, Lena.  Just think about letting him go and finding someone else.  Try Heero’s way.  He might be able to help you,” Hilde suggested.

            Relena nodded as several tears began to well up behind her eyes.  There was no way she could let him go, not yet.  They left and Relena was alone.

~ “Tear drops fall from my eyes,

~ “As I think of how time flies.

~ “My heart still yearns for you,

~ “And my countenance is so blue.

~ “Someday I will see you again,

~ “But until then,

~ “Each snowflake you see is a tear,

~ “And I’ll always cry many each year.

~ “Tomorrow will come and they will only be,

~ “Snowflakes of yesterday to you and me.

            “Oh, Trowa.  I know you are gone, but I can’t seem to move on?  Will you help me let you go so I may have a chance with another?” Relena sighed as she turned towards her window, trying to get comfortable.

            The sunlight seemed like liquid gold and sparkled off the snow, which in turn glittered like diamonds under the brilliant rays.  In the summer, this town would be a major wheat producer and have several specialized flower yards. 

~ “Keep watch over my soul,

~ “Don’t leave me here in this deep hole,

~ “Keep your spirit by my side,

~ “For only you have I cried.

~ “Snowflakes of Yesterday,

~ “They all seem so far away.

~ “Why can’t I seem to keep,

~ “My secrets hidden deep?

~ “My nights stretch on forever,

~ “My days they seem to never

~ “Let me forget your love,

~ “Can’t you see I need you watching me from above.

~ “Guide me with a strong hand.

~ “Help me to learn to stand.

~ “Give me away to the love I need,

~ “For the fire of my heart needs to feed,

~ “On the joy of eternal promise,

~ “With your guidance I certainly can’t miss.

~ “Each snowflake you see is a tear,

~ “And I’ll always cry many each year.

~ “Tomorrow will come and they will only be,

~ “Snowflakes of yesterday to you and me.

            “Good bye, my love.  Don’t leave me and help me to find what it was I loved about you in another one,” Relena requested, the poem she knew so well echoing in her thoughts.

            She continued to stare out the window, watching the sun slowly become obscured with white clouds.  Fluttery snowflakes were whisked around in a rapid dance full of intricate moves.  ‘Funny, a strong wind must be moving in.  I have felt barely a breeze this entire trip.  Will it be stormy the remainder, or will I be able to join the dance of the snowflakes while the sun glows down on me?’

            As night fell, the clouds parted to let the crescent moon and shimmery stars glow with intensity on the now sleeping town.  Relena let her eyelids droop lightly, but she knew sleep would not come.  Her hospital room grew dim, only the fluorescent lights buzzing in the hall gave some brightness to the gloomy darkness which only visited her when her heart was heavy.

            As Relena was in a deep reverie, a knock sounded at her door. She turned her attention towards it and saw Heero standing there. “Hello, Heero.”

“May I – come in?”

Relena nodded. Heero walked to the chair by the window and sat, seemingly very nervous. Relena studied him shyly. It was a comfortable silence between them, Relena glad he had come.

They began to talk, like old friends. Relena wasn’t sure why, but around him she just felt comfortable. As it got later and a nurse threatened to throw Heero out, they claimed he was a cousin by marriage and requested he stay. Relena was awfully glad for the company and the nurse relented.

           The moon was high in the sky and stars danced between clouds. Snowflakes fell, blue moonlight reflecting off of them. It was another period of comfortable silence. Suddenly Relena asked, “Heero? Do you ever wonder about the after life?”

Heero looked quizzically at her, then regarded her carefully. “At times I wonder, and at times I have no faith.”

“Have you forgiven yourself yet?” Relena asked.

            “No, and I doubt you’ve gotten over Trowa.”

            “You’re right, I haven’t.  I don’t know if I ever can forget about him.  Can you ever forgive yourself?”  Relena’s voice was soft as she spoke, her crystalline eyes brimming with tears. 

            Heero carefully placed his arm around Relena. “We both are in a situation where there are no winners, just pasts we wish we never had to have lived.  Maybe someday things will change, but for now we just have to live each day and find a way to let the past stay in the past.”

            Relena nodded weakly against his shoulder.  “It is so hard.  How can we ever do it?”

            Heero didn’t reply to her, he just remained silent.  Relena liked it, words weren’t needed to help fix the situation, strength and time were what was needed.  She felt her eyelids begin to fall and she let them fall. 

~~

            Relena woke the next morning to warmth.  She relished the feeling she rarely felt anymore.  Slowly she let her eyes open and saw Heero sitting next to her.  His head was resting atop her own and she didn’t move for fear of waking him.  

            Relena had slept serenely, pleasant dreams casting remnant shadows on her mind.  In her dreams she hadn’t been running, she had found peace.  There was nothing which she would fear upon waking, just the soft feel of a kiss which had awoken her.  Heero was still fast asleep so she knew it had just been part of her dream even though she caught the passing scent of an exotic cologne.

            Relena stayed motionless as she waited for Heero to wake.  It was a long time while she waited, but he finally began to stir.  She heard him groan in pain as he awoke.  “Relena?” he asked, his voice soft and drowsy.

            “Good morning,” she stated just as quietly. 

“Good morning,” Heero replied.

The sun was now out and the snow had stopped falling. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Relena laughing inside at the possibility of a relationship and the silences they would probably have.

“I better get going before Duo and Hilde send out a search party for me. I’ll see you later,” Heero said, lightly touching his lips to her hair before getting up and leaving.

~~

           Relena was released from the hospital a few days later. She had been given a clean bill of health. Heero hadn’t come back to visit her, and she was okay with that.

            It was a few weeks later when Relena was back in full-fledged Vice Foreign Minister mode.  It was the same thing she was used to doing.  Meetings, speeches, paperwork, conferences, everything was the way it should be.

            “Miss Darlian, there is someone here to see you.  He wouldn’t release his name, but stated his business was important.  Shall I usher him in or just tell him to come back when you are not so busy?” Margie, her personal secretary, asked after knocking on the door.

            “Send him in, Margie.  I’m almost done and can spare a few moments,” Relena assured her as she placed her things to the side.

            Relena leaned back in her chair trying to figure out who was here to see her.  A light rap on the door made her stir from her line of thought.  “Miss Darlian, a Heero Yuy,” Margie announced as she opened the door and let Heero enter.

            Then Margie left, shutting the door behind her.  “Hello, Relena.”

            Relena nodded politely at his greeting.  She hadn’t really expected to see him again after she had left Hilde and Duo’s cabin, but she unable to say she was displeased.  “What brings you to my humble corner of the world?”

            Heero just shrugged in reply.  They let a silence fall over the room.  “Since it is nearing dinner, I was wondering if you would care to join me while we went and ate somewhere.  I’m not really familiar with the town, so any suggestions?”

“Dinner sounds great.  I know this quaint little diner downtown we could go to.  It is casual attire.  The food is excellent.”

            “Now, or later?”

            “Give me like an hour or so and I can get off and go.”

            “Pick you up around seven?”

            “Sounds good,” Relena replied.

            Heero turned to leave the room.  “And Heero,” Relena called.

            He turned and looked at her.  “Yeah?”

            “I’m glad you stopped by. It is good to see you again.”

            “I’m glad I did, too.”

            Relena watched him leave, a smile gracing her lips.  Her day had just improved beyond belief.  Now she only had to last an hour more and she could finish with an ending fit for a fairy tale. 

            Two hours later Relena was closing up her office.  She knew it was an hour later than she had planned, but it seemed like everyone had decided to make a call right about then.  “Are you done here, Miss Darlian?  ‘Cause I just received a call from a man who was wondering when you would arrive to have supper with him,” Margie asked as Relena walked by the front desk.

            “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

            Relena slung her purse over her shoulder and began to walk faster, her heels clicking against the cold metal beneath her feet.  She rapidly pressed the down button in quick succession.  The elevator dung and she stepped on board.  After the doors slid shut Relena let out a sigh of relief.

            Soon after she reached the ground level and her car as well.  Then she quickly made her way home.  She saw Heero’s car sitting out front, the clear exhaust rising lazily.  She pulled into her driveway and quickly jumped from her car.  She hopped over the side of Heero’s convertible and he stepped on the gas as she secured her seat belt.

            “Where are we going? Aren’t we going to dinner?”

            “I decided to take you to a place special to me. I haven’t been there in ages and am not sure it still exists.”

           Relena sat back in her seat and relaxed, trusting Heero.  In the middle of nowhere Heero slammed on the breaks and Relena slid forward in her seat.  “This is where I grew up. My mother left here a while ago to live in town. I wanted to show it you, show you what my past was like.”

            Relena just nodded as she let Heero lead the way.  They were lucky the moon was full and bright that night because the dark atmosphere around them had no lights besides the dim brights of the ancient car.  A crumbling building greeted them just past a small ‘forest’ of trees.  A rusted swing set and a collapsed dog house were off to a side. 

Heero said not a word, absorbing in the remains. It was more than demolished ruble, it was his past. Out of the corner of Relena’s eye she spotted a vibrant purple flower. “Heero,” Relena breathed as she pointed.

Heero followed her finger and saw the flower. He walked over to it, plucked it, and came back to her. He presented it to her.

Relena smiled and bowed her head. Heero brushed a stand of hair back and tucked the flower behind her ear.  “May I ask you a question, Relena?”

            “Yes, Heero, you may.”

            “Will you marry me?” he asked as he slowly descended to one knee. 

            Relena looked down at him, shock filling her eyes.  She had barely known Heero, but everything seemed to fit.  Everything told her he was the one, but something, no some one wasn’t ready for her to say good bye just yet. “I haven’t let go,” was her answer to him, although she wished her heart would let her say yes.

            “I haven’t forgiven myself either.  Tomorrow shall be the day I leave a shattered past behind me and move forward to the future.  Will you come with me?”

            “I’ll be ready.”

~~

            Rain fell heavily from thick, gray clouds.  A damp chill lay like a blanket over the quiet graveyard. A hollow wind blew through the leaves of the trees while bare branches scratched the mausoleum.

Relena knelt in front of Trowa’s grave.  Her head was bowed as she let tears roll from her eyes.  Heero was off asking forgiveness from his sister and Relena let her emotions run free.  It was time for her to love another and this was the only obstacle which would haunt her forever if she did not change it. 

            She felt a warm hand rest on her shoulder and she turned her face to look at the source.  Heero smiled a soft smile down on her and Relena nodded.  She turned back to Trowa’s grave as she let him sink into her past.  Then she stood and let Heero walk her back to his car.

~*~

            Behind the mausoleum one man and one woman stood.  The woman clutched gently to the man’s coat as he peeked around the corner.  Emotion clogged the man’s throat as he watched the scene unfold before his eyes.  He knew it should not hurt so bad, but some things never die, like a first love. 

“Good bye, Relena,” Trowa whispered.

            He then turned, wrapping his arm around his new wife’s waist.  He looked up as those raindrops turned to snowflakes.  This wasn’t the end of life.  He had a new wife and a new life to begin.  He had let go of Relena when she had let go of him.  The snowflakes falling were crying for yesterday, but today he would be strong for tomorrow.

~Fin