If I Were You

Yeah, okay already. I don’t own Gundam Wing. Are you as tired of hearing this, as I am of saying it?

Chapter Eleven

I have no idea what woke me, but the first thing I noticed was that the room was now in darkness. I frowned. Strange, I didn’t remember turning the light off. Relena was still curled up tightly against me; one arm lay around my waist, while her head rested against my shoulder. In her sleep she had thrown a leg across mine, so her foot was now resting between my calves. Judging by her obvious deep slumber, she wasn’t the one who turned off the light either.

My eyes now adjusting to the gloom, I could make out Relena’s shadowed features. Her face was peaceful, and I could feel the soft warmth of her breath through my thin cotton shirt. Carefully, not wanting to wake her, I ran my hand over her hair, enjoying the silky texture. Softly, feeling not unlike a thief, I pressed my lips to her temple. I sighed. I was truly in the presence of an angel.

Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and my intuition seemed to scream at me. I listened carefully, sure that I had indeed heard it. A low, almost predatory growl. But the room was silent. I shook my head, no, I hadn’t imagined it. There was someone else in the room.

Gently disentangling myself, I sat up and peered into the shadows at the end of the bed. Sure enough, my gaze locked with another, the Prussian blue eyes glinting dangerously. Heero glared silently for a moment, before he leapt up from his crouching position. Without a sound, he dashed out the open door onto the balcony, where he vaulted effortlessly over the railing to drop onto the grass below. Without a second thought, I gave chase.

No sooner had my feet touched the ground, however, than an arm shot out to lock itself around my neck. Fighting back a sense of panic as I fought to breathe, I used my elbow to jab brutally into my assailants’ abdomen. His hold loosened momentarily, and I took the opportunity to wrench myself free.

Turning to face him, I was not quick enough to block his well-placed fist, as it connected with my jaw. Allowing my reflexes to take over, I felt my own fist sink deeply into his stomach, listening with some satisfaction as it caused a loud grunt.

“It’s about time you showed your face, you ignorant bastard,” I growled, ducking as he took another swing at me. I could see the unchecked rage in his expression, and I knew that he was fighting with none of his usual calculated method.

His breathing was harsh, and he was literally trembling with fury. He spat on the ground, near my feet, as we circled each other.

“Why couldn’t you just keep your filthy hands to yourself?” he muttered.

That was it. My own temper quickening, I chose to use Heero’s distracted state to my own advantage. My left fist made contact solidly with his right cheek, just milliseconds before my right fist slammed into his chin. Heero stumbled back, his arms rising to shield his face. Again I claimed my advantage, delivering another three hard punches to his stomach.

My opponent dropped to one knee, valiantly gasping for air. I stood over him, my hands clenched at my sides. I was allowed little time for retrospect, however, as Heero suddenly leapt up at me, his hands making straight for my throat.

Again, my reactions took over, as I grabbed Heero by the front of his shirt and dropped backwards onto the grass, pulling him down with me. Tucking my knees up to my chin, I planted my feet into his abdomen and flipped him over my head and onto his back. Before he had a chance to react, I pinned him to the ground. Reaching in to my back pocket, I retrieved my trusty flick knife and pressed it against his throat.

“I should just kill you now, Heero, for all the misery you’ve caused her.”

“Go ahead, do it,” Heero ground out, “You’ve got the only thing I live for anyway.”

I blinked at him, the air of defeat in his countenance so extreme it left me stunned. He glared back at me, his gaze unwavering, as he took long and laboured breaths.

“Damn you Trowa, you could have anyone, why did you have to take her?” Heero’s tone was thick, agonizing, as he seemed to struggle internally with his emotions.

Loosening my hold on the front of his shirt, I moved away from him, still holding the blade in front of me, its’ glinting edge warning him not to try anything. Reaching up, I wiped the trickle of blood from the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Someone has to, Heero, or do you truly wish to curse her to a life without the love she deserves? Why did you come back again tonight anyway?”

“I made her cry.” Whispered Heero. I bit back a surge of anger.

“You’ve been making her cry for the last five years, Heero. What do you care if you did it again?” I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down.

“She’s the greatest woman I’ve ever met, Heero. But she is human, and all humans have a weakness. And you just happen to be hers.”

Heero hung his head, his hands, resting on his knees, were clenched together so tightly I could see the knuckles turning white.

“I told her she should forget about me. That we simply weren’t meant to be. That she would soon forget. But I simply couldn’t forget about her.”

I shook my head at him, feeling a deep pity, not only for my beleaguered friend, but also for myself.

“I love her Heero, I’d be lying if I told you otherwise. She is God’s gift, but not to me. I know I can never have her, even if you were to refuse the one true thing to ever walk in to your life. She doesn’t love me, not that way, but I will do everything in my power to prevent you from hurting her again. Maybe you really do want to go back up there to try and make amends. Maybe you’ll finally get the guts to tell her how you REALLY feel. But I can’t let you. I’m not letting you go anywhere until you prove to ME that you deserve her. And if you can’t do that, you may as well leave now.”

Heero stared at me, the uncertainty obvious on his normally impassive features.

“I want to hear you say it Heero.”

He blinked at me, confused, but I knew he understood my meaning. He looked down at the grass again.

“I love her.”

His voice rose soft, dejected.

“Say it like you mean it, for fuck’s sake Yuy!” I barked, my patience truly worn through. Heero raised his head, and he locked me with his fierce glare.

“I LOVE HER.”

He fixed me with a defiant stare, as if challenging me to contradict his impassioned declaration. Slowly, I released the breath I had not even been aware I was holding. I nodded slowly.

“Yes Heero, you do. Now tell me why.”

Heero blinked at me.

“And don’t give me the usual line about her purity and hope. We both know it goes deeper than that.”

I watched Heero closely, as he fidgeted and appeared to consider his answer. I knew that this was hard for him. I doubted that he had admitted as much to himself, let alone any one else.

“Speak up,” I admonished him, as he began to reply in a hushed mumble. He frowned at me, and began again.

“I love the way she reads the last page of a book first. I love how she always notices the little things without missing the big picture. I love the way she never forgets people’s names, and that when she asks someone how they are, it’s because she actually wants to know. She knows who she is, and what she wants. I love her for her strength, her conviction. I love her for her heart. And I hate that I can’t be with her.”

“Why Heero? Give me one GOOD reason, why you can’t be with her.”

“How could I ever prove myself worthy of her?” Heero demanded. “What could I ever do that would prove myself worthy of her love?”

“It’s not meant to be a test, my love.”

Startled, we both swung around to see Relena, her face wet with tears, watching us quietly.

“And it was never your decision to make, whether you’re worthy or not. It’s my choice and my decision. And I chose you. And I believed that you were worthy.”

She sniffed, brushing at her tears with the back of her hand.

“Men,” she sobbed. “You always have to do things the bloody hard way.”

******