Chapter 1: What once was lost...

She had to put a stop to it, plain and simple.

It had been going on for weeks, fed from some internal need that was making its presence finally known. Panting, she sat up in her bed untwisting the sheets from her long slender legs. A thin coating of sweat glistened in the morning light, before pooling together along her chest and slipping into the valley between her breasts. Her entire body hummed, craving gratification to ease her sexually aroused body. Sighing, she shifted her naked body feeling the familiar heat between her thighs, her nipples tightening into tiny pebbles. The groan she had been holding back tore from her lips, breaking the silence in the room.

For as many times that she could remember in the past couple of weeks, Relena Peacecraft-Darlian, had wakened from a wet dream.

Pushing out of bed, she picked up the lavender silk robe lying on the floor and slipped her arms into the sleeves. She grabbed for the belt, but smiled wickedly as it fell from her hand and hung from the thin loop sewn into the material. With the robe draped open in the front, Relena made her way from the bed to the picture window in her room. The soft down pillows welcomed her into their embrace. Rolling onto her stomach, she propped her face in her hands and started out over the famous Peacecraft gardens.

Spring had come and gone, taking with it the vibrant colors that brought the gardens to life, leaving behind a sea of green leaves. The haunting smell of roses drifted in the air and took her back to her dream; where darkness had surrounded her, a rose's velvet touch tickled her sensitive skin, a his warm breath washed across the inside of her legs, working higher and higher and....

Startling herself out of the memory, Relena rolled over onto her back and flopped an arm over her eyes. It took a while for her breathing to come back under control, working to corral the desire that pumped through her veins. Her head lulled to the side, looking back into the room and focused on the grandfather clock; she still had time.

As the sun shone through the curtain-less window, Relena arched her back and lifted her arms over her head, completing a few graceful cat-like stretches. With a smile on her face, she reached under one of the huge wine colored pillows and grabbed hold of a small leather book. The weight felt so comforting in her hands, making her giddy with excitement. Pulling the book from its hiding place, she rose into a sitting position, leaning her back against the window frame, facing out at the gardens below.

The book fell open as she laid it in her lap, the feather pen acting as a bookmark, revealing a clean sheet of paper. Scooping up the pen between her long fingers, she started at the blank page, idly running the feather across her exposed skin. Her eyes drifted closed as she recalled the dream that had awakened her. As the images began to replay, Relena opened her eyes and began to write.

[October 11 AC 199

Roses. It was all about roses and their seductive power. He had blindfolded me, something that had never happened in any of my previous dreams. The darkness was all round me, but I wasn't afraid. I could hear the muted sounds of his breathing next to me ear. I swear I heard him smile in each breath he took. The touch of the soft rose caused me to jump at first, surprised by the unfamiliar object that he ran gently across the back of my neck. He brought the flower around to my face, tracing the contours with the velvet petals, allowing me to inhale its intoxicating scent. A sigh escaped my lips as he pressed the bloom against my lips, only to remove it and take my lips prisoner with his own. As his lips played havoc with my senses, he continued to slowly move the rose down my frame, along my collarbone, encircling my breasts. His fingers brushed against my nipples, enticing more responses from my body. I stood there as he pulled his lips away from mine; retracing the trail he created with the rose with his tongue. The silky petals tickled the smooth skin of my stomach, making my insides flutter with excitement. Then he stopped. The rose was pulled away from me and he no longer touched me. The sound of my panting was the only noise that broke the silence in the room. I knew he was nearby watching me and I couldn’t help myself as I...]

Relena let out the breath she had been holding and tried to swallow past the lump of pure arousal that had formed in her throat. Leaning her head back against the window frame, she tried to focus on anything else but her erotic dream. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make herself forget about it. With shaky hands, she placed the open book on the pillows beside her and laid the pen down across the paper, hoping to hide the words she had just written with the feather.

Who would have ever thought that Relena Darlian, former Queen of the World, the current Foreign Minister of the ESUN, was a sexual creature? She laughed. No one, of course. Not even the subject of her dreams, hell not even herself, until recently. And it all started with this simple leather bound book.

A dream diary.

She had kept at regular diary during the Eve Wars and Barton Family coup; it had just started out as a simple fancy, something that made her feel grounded and more of her age. But as the years passed she found herself writing less about her day and more about what she thought were her dreams.

First they were simple 'dreams'. World peace. An end to poverty, hunger and strife. Love. Now, while she still hoped for those things, she realized that those types of things or more like the wishes silently asked on birthday candles than what she now knew were her 'real' dreams; fantasies if you wanted to call them that.

Walking into the wrong conference room at the Biltmore Hotel in the United States a few months back, totally changed her outlook on things. Thinking she was going to listen to some politicians discuss new trade embargos, Relena had accidentally stepped into a psychologists convention where they were discussing a book by Sigmund Freud called 'The Interpretation of Dreams.'

She sat in awe as the woman talked about dreams being the deepest and truest desires of one's soul. That each dream could have hidden meanings and interpretations or could just be seen for what is exactly was, an anxiety or desire. That the unconscious mind could allow us to look at ourselves on a totally different level, almost like opening a door and revealing a new part of ourselves. Another doctor of psychology argued against the woman's views and research, but for the most part Relena had tuned him out. The ideas the woman had brought to light intrigued her, so much that Relena approached her at the end of the discussion and asked her some more questions. The woman had suggested the idea of a dream diary, that way she could follow the progression into her sub consciousness.

Following her instructions, Relena had bought a small book and kept it close to her bed. As soon as she woke up every morning, she would flip to a fresh page within the journal and write down what she could remember about her dream. The first couple of weeks, the entries weren't more than a couple of lines, but as time passed, she had been able to remember more and more about each dream.

Her fingers wrapped around the diary and she pulled it into her lap. Setting the pen to the side, Relena flipped to the first dog-eared page in the book, the first entry she had ever written. She had committed it pretty much to memory but felt the need to read over it again.

[May 28 AC 199

This is it, my first entry and hopefully not my last. I've become totally interested in what could possibly be hidden in my subconscious, so I'm considering this a self-exploration. My dream is one that I've been having for a while. Without wings, I seem to be flying, dancing along the back of a good stiff breeze. The blue sky is searched out in front of me, calling to me while at the same time, the world below pleads for me to return. I'm torn between the two, but I always choice the ground, though I crave to fly in the sky.]

Looking back over the entry, she knew what it meant; no psychologist had to spell it out for her. The sky and flying represented freedom, to be whatever she wanted to be, to do whatever she wanted to do; while the ground was the symbol of responsibility. What she learned in that one entry, helped to inspire her to continue the dream diary. Little by little, Relena was able to learn more about herself as a person, not just the persona that the world saw. With a trembling hand, she turned to the next marked page.

[July 13 AC 199

I dreamt of him. It's been the first dream I've had of him since I started keeping this journal. I'm not too entirely sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. He has been constantly on my mind during the day, but I'm kind of thankful that he has kept himself out of my dreams, up until now. Heero's a deep person, I can't find the exact words to describe him...maybe because he doesn't use too many words himself. However, he was the complete focus of this dream. He stood before me, both of us surrounded by floating candles. Outside the ring of candles was darkness, nothing but a black void. It seemed like we stood there staring at each other for hours before he finally held his hand out to me. There it was, some sort of sign that I had always been looking for. I stepped forward only to see him move back, though he never took a step. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't close the distance between us. And one by one, the candles started to go out. When the invisible barrier finally gave way, I ran to him, only to have him disappear as I tried to place my hand in his.]

The passage still had the power to bring tears to her eyes. Heero was an enigma, something that she longed for but could never have. The irony of the entire situation was that a week after she wrote the passage, Heero came strolling into the Preventer office and asked to be assigned to guard detail. It shocked her when Une came into her office with Heero's request. Relena was sure that everyone thought she would jump at the chance to have him so close by, but instead Relena said that she was happy with Wufei as her personal guard and that Heero's skills would go to waste if he had to 'baby-sit' her.

His return caused a ton of conflicting emotions inside of her. She caught fleeting glances of him every so often, found herself search among the faces in the crowd, always looking for his intense eyes and messy mane of hair. And with his return, came the dreams. Explicit dreams that she had never experienced before, ones that left her breathless after she woke up in the morning; and just recently leaving her...aroused.

Biting her bottom lip, Relena flipped to one of her favorite entries in the journal; the first of many sexual dreams that she had written within its pages.

[I knew this day was coming. I just didn't realize that it would take this long, or it would take a brief moment of contact that would spark such a dream. We barely touched as we passed each other in the ESUN Senate Building hallway, but it was enough to cause my blood to boil underneath my skin. At first, I thought the dream was going to start off like some of my other work dreams; the ones where I'm sitting behind my desk and the piles of paperwork continue to grow and grow and finally crash down on me, swamping me where I can't breath. But the piles of paper didn't grow hands or feet this time; instead they remained calmly on my desk. The door opened to my office and Heero walked in carrying his computer. He sat down across the desk from me and started to do his work. I tried to talk to him, but he kept ignoring me. Rising out of my chair, I moved to stand beside him and with a quick sweep of my arm, I sent the computer and all of the paper work crashing to the floor. He didn't seemed shock by my actions but I wanted to shock him. I grabbed the collar of his uniform jacket, bent down and pressed my lips roughly against his. My tongue darted out and licked across his lips, gaining entry through his parted lips. His hands grabbed onto mine and tried to pull me away, but I wouldn't let him get rid of me. Then the dream flashed forward, with Heero lying on his back across my desk, while I straddled his hips; both of us were naked. I don't remember too much about the act, but I know that we made love in my dream; rough, kinky, and demanding sex. When I awoke this morning after the dream, my heart was still racing in my chest and it took me a while to control my breathing. As I write this entry, I can only hope that I'll experience some more dreams like this one. What a way to wake up in the morning.]

A blush crept up her cheeks. That dream was the first of many more that involved her and Heero. She found it amusing that most of the dreams had her in the dominant role, always taking and demanding; it was a position that she wouldn't mind practicing in real life if the opportunity ever arose. Her dream diary became an obsession. Every morning, she would wake up early enough just to record a new entry. Some of them were frightening, like the one where she was falling into the black abyss that happened a few days before on of the ESUN sessions; signaling feelings of inadequacy and helplessness. While others were happy, like the one where she flew a kite with a younger version of herself, reverting back to wonderful childhood memories. Not all of her dreams were sexual in nature, but recently they had been making more of an appearance in her diary.

The frayed edges of the journal slipped past her fingertips as she searched for one particular entry that happened nearly a month earlier, the first time she had ever woke up shaking with sexual need. Settling into the pillows, Relena pulled her knees up and set the book against them as she read.

[September 6 AC 199

This morning was different from all the others. When the alarm sounded, I shot out of bed and made a mad dash, on weak legs to find my journal. I can still feel the warm ache of arousal sitting in my stomach as I write this. Last nights dream was much more than a dream, it was a fantasy; that's the only way I can describe it. Nothing before this dream was ever so vivid; it was as if my mind was giving me a version of a fairy-tale, and a sexual one at that. And I remember everything.

It started out in a different world, different land. I was a girl in a powerful lords harem, standing along with my 'sisters' as a visiting dignitary from a foreign land inspected us. He had been giving the choice of any girl in the harem and out of all of them, he choose me. I remember his blue eyes assessing every inch of me before he pulled me out of the crowd and practically dragged me to his chamber. Once there, he bade me to dance, the dance of seduction. Swaying to the music in my head, I ran my hands up and down my body, pretending they were the hands of a lover. Slowly, I caressed every part of myself, turning every so often so that he could see exactly what I was doing. As the dance continued, I began to remove my silken outfit, exposing my bare flesh to his burning gaze. By the end of the dance, I was naked and fully aroused.

Pushing away from the bed, the prince walked over to me. As I watched him, I remembered the way that some animals stalk their prey before pouncing them. I gasped as his huge hands touched my burning skin. I felt so hot and his touch just made me even warmer. Slowly, he moved his hands from my hips up the sides of my body, resting slightly below my breasts before continuing their torturous journey before they snaked their way up into my long blond hair. Tilting my head up, he brought his lips down onto mine. He ran his tongue across my bottom lip and as I sighed, he took full advantage of the situation. He took the kiss deeper, pulling me up against his body. I could feel how bad he wanted me and I wanted him just as badly. Never breaking the kiss, he lifted me up into his arms and laid me down on the bed.

He began shedding his clothing, never breaking contact with my skin. Finally, we were both naked, his flesh against mine. His kissed a trail from my lips down my neck and to my breasts. I moaned as he held one in his hand and lowered his mouth. I arched off the bed as he wrapped his tongue around my nipple, using his teeth every once in a while to nip at its hardness. He switched between each breast, lavishing both with equal attention. But then he pulled away.

I begged him not to stop. He replied with a smile as he moved lower down my body, leaving kisses in his wake. Spreading my legs, he looked up into my eyes as I watched him begin to kiss me in the most intimate places. Moving up, he laid his muscular body on top of mine, pushing my legs further apart with his thighs. I held his gaze as he pushed himself deep inside of me, filling me completely. Again the pressure began to build up inside of me, but he pulled away and flipped over onto his back, pulling me on top of him. He had started this raging wildfire inside of me and he was going to help me extinguish it, whether he wanted to or not. Slowly, I began to rock my hips back and forth, testing this new position. Looking down at my prince, I then realized the power I now held over him. Each time I ground my hips against him, a groan would escape his lips. Holding myself up by placing my hands on his chest, I began to use this new 'power', but not for long.

Grabbing onto my hips, he held my body against his as he pumped into me. Unable to control myself, I pumped back, also searching for release. Within a couple of minutes, I felt him stiffen under me, pumping deeper in me than ever before. At the same time he found his release, I found mine. Spent from our exertions, I collapsed against his body. He rubbed my body, pulling the sweat limp hair from my face; he placed a loving kiss on my lips. As my sweat-covered body became chilled in the night air, he pulled a blanket over us and spooned up behind me and fell asleep.]

"Miss Relena?"

The knocking on her bedroom door pulled her from the memories of that dream. Scrambling, she jumped from the picture window and tightened the sash of her robe around her waist. The journal sat on the floor where it had fallen, as Relena muttered a few curse when she caught the time displayed on the clock. On shaky legs, Relena made her way over to the bedroom door, nearly pulling it off the hinges as she swung it open.

"YES...I mean, yes, Pagan?" As she looked at her friend, she couldn't help the color that spread into her face. Had he any idea of what she had been writing, or even dreaming, it would send the poor man into a heart attack. Her hands tightened along the edges of the silk robe.

"Mr. Yuy is waiting to take you to the office."

Her mind was still muddled with the thoughts of her dreams. At the mere mention of his name, the familiar heat spread through the lower part of her body. Her breath became slightly ragged and all she could think about was...

"Tell him I'll be right..." The words died a quick death on her tongue as she noticed Heero standing directly behind Pagan. Without taking another look, she quickly spun on her heels and dashed off into her bathroom.

Rummaging through her closet, she yanked a pale blue skirt and a white blouse off their hangers. Forgoing pantyhose, she opted for the pair of white sandals carelessly tossed into a pile of dirty clothing. Quickly she ran a brush through her hair, pulling at the knots that had formed in the middle of the night. Relena took a quick glance at her makeup bag, but the chiming of the grandfather clock in her bedroom reminded her of the time.

A few moments later, she emerged from the dressing area with briefcase in hand. Her long stride carried her to the open door of her bedroom. As she was about to cross the threshold of the room, her senses went on alert. Turning, Relena surveyed the room. Something seemed like it was missing, but she wasn't able to tell exactly what it was; nothing seemed out of place. It wasn't until she reached for the doorknob that she realized what was wrong.

In the span of five minutes, the journal that had fallen to the floor had gone missing.