De Profundis

Chapter 7

Disclaimer: How many times do I have to say this before you believe me? Hmm? READ SLOWLY... I OWN GUNDAM WING... Uhh.. I mean.. I DON'T OWN GUNDAM WING... ::laughs nervously::

[2 Days Later, Space Colony: JX00019]

He wanted to make sure that someone could put this right.   These Gundams were going to usher in a new era of rule and freedom for those who did not agree with the rubbish spouted by that girl.   These Gundams were the people’s last salvation; these Gundams held the key to ultimate victory.   If only they were as good as all that.   Dourchov miserably thought to himself.

The three scientists before him were adamant that the blue prints that Dourchov had, were not the ones they had approved.   He didn’t know whom to believe.   His loyal second in command, who had been there since his rise to power, the man that had overseen the production of faulty Gundams that could bring their whole operation down?   Or, three men, who were sure that Dourchov had been duped by a member of his own assembly.   He didn’t like the sound of the latter, if there was a traitor among them, he would be found.

“Is there no way these Gundams can be used in battle?”   Dourchov almost sounded desperate.   The silent nod signaling a grim ‘no’ from two of the men made Dourchov lash out in rage.   Taking out his gun and releasing the safety in a matter of seconds he aimed the gun right at the middle scientists head.   His breath coming quickly, the others were sure he was on the brink of pulling the trigger.

“I’ve heard, enough excuses in the past few days to last a lifetime.   If I hear one more, then I’m gonna take this gun, and start using it on those people out there.”   Dourchov glanced briefly at the workers, busily working on the numerous Gundams.   They weren’t to blame for hoping for a different world, even though Relena Peacecraft’s ways were sound to the majority, there is always going to be a small, unheard voice that wants something more.

“So I am going to ask you again… Is there anything that can be done to make these Gundams usable in battle?”   Dourchov’s expression was a picture of pent up aggression, of blinding rage and pain.   His world was about to crumble at his fingertips; his only way out was about to be quashed.   Whilst two of the scientists looked on, prepared to die, prepared to be responsible for the deaths of many; the third knew that Dourchov wouldn’t stop at them.   He could see that glint in his eye, that flash of undeniable raw emotion.   Evil.

“There is a way.”   His blurted statement made Dourchov instantly withdraw.

“There is, is there?   That’s strange.   I could have sworn that you said there wasn’t a way just moments ago.”   Dourchov lifted his gun again in a swift action pummeling two rounds into the two scientists that hadn’t co-operated.   Each fire made the, now lone, scientist raise his arms to shield himself from the blood.

“You must have been momentarily confused.”   Dourchov eerily placed his gun back in its resting place, cheerfully smiling back at the scientist who had just witnessed the death of two of his life-long colleagues.

“Don’t you agree?”

Stoically the scientist nodded.   “Yes sir.”

[Earth: Sanc Kingdom Capital City]

It had been two days.   Two whole days and he hadn’t returned.   She didn’t know whether she should look for him or not, Duo said that he hadn’t seem him since the day he returned to her.   She closed her eyes, remembering his face, remembering his tears, remembering her condescension.   She wiped away the forming tears. She was so tired of crying, so tired of making the wrong decisions.   What she had said he didn’t deserve, he had come to her hoping for understanding, for forgiveness for what he did.   All she managed to do was drive him away.   She looked at the swaying curtains; their movements were so reminiscent of that night.

“Heero?”   She felt an overwhelming need to say his name.  It was as if she could feel him, she had to call out just in case he was there, watching her from the shadows, as she always imagined he did.  She sighed in acceptance, he wasn’t there and he probably never was.   Before climbing into bed she took the well-worn brown teddy from its usual resting place on her dresser.

His hadn’t realized but he had been holding his breath, from the second she said his name, the desperation and guilt he heard almost made him reply.   Standing slowly, Heero’s body became silhouetted by the pale moonlight.   He emerged from behind the curtains blowing on the balcony.   His eyes rested on the now sleeping form, huddled on the bed, she looked so peaceful, Heero only wished he could have that kind of peace in slumber.   Haunting memories of what he had done in his pre-teens and past wars would come to him, making him wake gasping soaked in sweat.   But when she slept, her face became serene, her body relaxed.   He would often wonder what she dreamed of that made her so happy.   He knew that she dreamt of him more that she would ever let on to anyone.   He would stand by her window, guarding her some nights just to hear his name on her lips as she wrapped herself in knots with her sheets.   Heero smiled inwardly that she would dream about him like that.   She was a young woman after all, she had never been with anyone that Heero knew about, and Heero knew about everyone she spent time with, he only wished he could share such an intimate moment with her.   Instead he couldn’t even tell her how he felt, and why he had come back and blown his cover just to see her.  

Walking out of the shadows, never taking his eyes from her once, he watched her shift in her sleep.   Her face was facing the edge of the bed, Heero knelt down in front of her, tilting his head to look at her distorted features.   She’s having a nightmare? He wondered.

His hand shuddered slightly when he reached out to brush away the stray strands of hair that were tickling her nose.   She wiggled it slightly, making Heero smile despite himself.

The smile quickly faded when he saw her clutch a brown furry bear.   He remembered the day he gave that to her like it was yesterday.   He thought at the time he would eventually tell her of the way he felt, but he needed time.   Little did he know what was going to happen.  

His mind returned to the reason he had come here and he sighed feeling like he had never faced anything that seemed so daunting or difficult in his life.   The fact that she was asleep he supposed was cheating in a way, but he thought that somehow she’d still know.

“Relena…”   his voice cracked as he said her name, this was going to be much harder that he thought.

“Relena, I don’t know if you can hear me, but you have a right to know.   I have to tell you why I came back.   If I don’t, I think it’ll be something I’ll regret for the rest of my life.” He settled to the floor resting his back against the bed facing away from Relena.

“Even though I was brought up to not have regrets; not to think about what I could have done differently, that what is done is done, and there’s no going back, I…couldn’t…”   Heero looked down to his lap. “..I couldn’t leave without letting you know.”   Relena’s eyes shot open, her pretence of sleeping still in tack as she saw the back of his head.

Leave?   Her heart ached.   He’s leaving?

“Relena, the reason I came back, the reason I risked everything…” He paused, even in her sleep he couldn’t say the words, those three words that can make or break someone’s heart.

“…It was because, because I wanted to see you.”   Relena closed her eyes again, her breath catching in her throat, she wanted to cry out but she held her breath.

“I hated having these kinds of emotions.   In training I was always told to be detached and void of emotion, not even anger or hatred had a place in the battlefield.   I was told once to always act on my emotions, that it was the only way to live, and to feel remorse or regret was a sign of weakness.   But…”   Heero turned to face Relena again; her face was tainted with a lone tear, lightly caressing her cheek.   He felt a jarring flash of dread that she was awake.   But her slow rhythmic breathing told him otherwise.

“But, now I’m not so sure.   To act on your emotions and not to fear what may come because your life is worthless, maybe that was an effective way to live life as a soldier, but there are no more wars to fight, no need for people like me.”   Heero lightly wiped the tear from her cheek.

“I have a life to lead now, and I have no idea of what to do with it.”   He settled back to the floor, looking distantly out of the nearby balcony doors.

“Most people prepare for adulthood from the day they were born, right up until the day they leave home.   But me.   Me; I was only taught what I needed to know to end lives.”   Heero’s voice had darkened, anger welling up within him.

“I always thought that when it was all over, when soldiers weren’t needed anymore, that I wouldn’t be needed either.”   Heero’s anger slowly faded, he turned to look at her again, this time he got right up, numbly rising his lanky form.

“You made me realize that someone needed me.”   Heero closed his eyes, satisfied that he had gotten it off his chest, finally he had told her how he felt.   Hopefully she would know, somehow.

“Someday I promise to say the words. Thank you, Relena.”   He turned to leave, when he heard something that jolted him like electricity.

“Heero, don’t go.”

[Earth: Preventer Headquarters.]

There was nothing like being awake 48 hours straight; drinking bad coffee because you have to explain to a hundred politicians why you did what you did to save the planet.

Lady Une sighed, she had a bad past, and maybe she was paying penance for what she did back in the rule of OZ and the Romefellar Foundation, but this was ridiculous.   How many times could she say the same thing?   No one wanted to accept that there were Preventer mobile suits, and they were no less than those awful machines that caused all the problems within Oz back in 195.   She could only imagine what would happen if they discovered who was funding their production.   She had explained a thousand times that the suits could still be piloted and the “mobile doll” part of the suits ‘AI’ had been redesigned so it could be deactivated.   It seemed that wasn’t enough for them, she had admitted that it was a bad call to create them without the Council’s knowledge, but she refused to accept that they were a bad idea completely. Without them, if Dourchov decided to attack, it would signal the end for the ESUN.

The mile high stacks of memos from worried colonists organizations were not helping either.   She would reply to them all, she would.   But now was the time for more important matters, both Preventer Wind and the spy that had infiltrated Dourchov’s group had missed their window of contact for the past 2 days.   She knew that Dourchov had cut off communications with the colony, but she was sure that wouldn’t stop Zechs.   Her train of thought was abruptly shunted when one of her many subordinates burst into her office.

“Ma’am, we have a situation.”   Une didn’t need to question his concern.   Nodding she rose from her chair.

Outside Preventer HQ a black car that Une knew well, was ready to go.   Whatever the problem was, it was important.   She slid gracefully inside, glancing up at the man who had been at the core of her current woes.

“Governor Faraday, as you’re here I assume this issue includes the Taurus suits?”

“Astute as always Lady Une.   However this indirectly affects the production plant.”    Her interest piqued, Une frowned at his vagueness.   “How so?”

“Apparently the facility was infiltrated 2 days ago.   Despite the fact the whole area was under strict guard.   It seems that you’ll have to retrain those Preventer cadets of yours.”   Une’s face showed nothing but shock.

“Its alright though.”   His unclear statement, again confusing Lady Une.   Pulling out a small cigar case, he offered Une a cigar, her refusal made him lightly laugh.

“Sorry, force of habit.” Une’s expression didn’t change at all.

“The man that broke into the facility was none other than Milliardo Peacecraft, Zechs Marquise, Preventer Wind, whichever your preference.”

“Zechs?”   Une’s previous shocked appearance only seemed to heighten.

“Yes, I was surprised myself at first.   I didn’t realize that you had kept this operation from him.   It would seem logical to inform the man you sent to spy on Dourchov of the Taurus’.”   His casual attitude towards the situation suddenly changed.

“This could have been much serious Miss Une.   He was intending to steal one of the suits.”   Une looked up at the older man’s face.

“He told you that?”

“No, of course not.   But it’s obvious really.   Why else would someone break into a mobile suit production plant?   I suppose he was intending on leaving the colony.”   Lady Une nodded, now she knew why he hadn’t contacted her.

“The point is he was very close to succeeding.   If he had left the colony with one of those Taurus suits he would have publicized their existence.”   Une didn’t know which part she couldn’t believe; that Zechs was careless enough to get caught or that for a moment that none of them were aware of, they were seconds away from all out war.

“The situation there is dangerous now.   Those suits cannot leave the area without being noticed, and if Dourchov attacks all we have are a bunch of cadets to pilot them.”   Une knew what he was getting at, she knew just as good as any soldier in a war that if the pilot wasn’t capable then they were as good as dead.

“I’ll send some fully trained members of my organization, perhaps we can…”   Une flustered with her words.

“Their arrival would be noticed, you know that as well as I do.   If war does break out at JX00019, then we have no other choice, but to enable them as mobile dolls.”   Une sharply snapped up to his gaze.   What he was suggesting, it would just be a repeat performance of Oz’s stupidity.   But what other choice was there?

“I’d like to see Wind now.”   Without another word, Faraday signaled to his driver to begin their journey.

[Earth: Sanc Kingdom Capital City]

“Heero, don’t go.”   Her plead made Heero hesitate.   Realization hit him as he remembered that lone tear that had made him fear that she was awake.   Slowly, he turned around, looking down at her slender form.   Her expression alone showed the dread she was feeling.   His anger didn’t subside.

“Heero.”   Relena left the comfort of her bed and walked up to him, drinking in his eyes.   The raw intensity in those eyes was overwhelming; Heero was always so resolute in his emotionless demeanor.   But his eyes betrayed him.

“How much did you-“

“All of it.” Relena cut in, knowing his question.

Heero was angry and glad at the same time.   He wanted her to hear the way he felt, but he didn’t think it would be this soon, he didn’t know if he was ready for it.

“I’m sorry.”

Relena looked at him incredulously, lifting a nervous hand to brush his cheek.   “For what?”

“For not telling you sooner, I owed you an explanation and I didn’t give you one.”   Heero almost harshly grabbed her hand removing it from his face.   “You had a right to be angry.”   Heero looked into her hurt eyes as he retreated back to the balcony.   She watched him go; momentarily stunned.

“Heero, wait.”   She followed him onto the balcony, the shrill midnight breeze blowing straight through to her skin.   “I was angry, yes.   I didn’t understand why you would ruin your chance to be rid of me.”   Relena raised her hand to stop him talking when he motioned to reply.

“I know why now.”   She placed her hands on his chest, she could feel his heartbeat, it was slow and steady.   Heero’s unusual ability to control his body masked the fact that if he were any normal man his heart would be racing at her cool touch.

She looked up into his eyes, she could see that familiar cold expression; he was angry.   Angry that she had power over him, the power to make him feel things that he couldn’t control; the power of his emotions.   And the feel of her hands on him was very quickly becoming all he needed to succumb to them.

“Relena.” Heero stated huskily.   His desire was growing and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold back.   For all the abilities he had, something as simple as her touch could be his undoing.

“All these years I’ve felt this way, when I was young I had already accepted that you didn’t feel the way I did-“   Heero couldn’t listen to the hurt in her voice anymore, she was so wrong, and he wanted to show her just how much.   Tightly grabbing the side of her shoulders, he roughly pulled her forward, then leaned down to her shorter frame, taking her lips with his.   Relena closed her eyes, just letting herself experience the pure bliss she felt when his body connected with hers.   Wanting more she opened her mouth lightly tracing her tongue along his mouth.   She physically felt his reaction, his hands moved from her shoulders to sliding up her back, lightly crushing her body to his.   Heero responded in kind, using his tongue to explore the inner recesses of her mouth.

Breathlessly they freed each other from the kiss, yet Heero didn’t move at all to free her body.   Relena slowly opened her eyes again, she found herself looking straight into his Prussian depths; their intensity had darkened with desire.   She lifted her hands to his head, gently stroking the small feathery hairs on his neck.

“You were saying?”   Relena blushed a little looking down at the floor and smiled; a beautiful smile.   Heero felt that familiar tightening on his chest, that feeling he got just thinking about being close to her.   He lowered his forehead to hers, resting there for a while, just to be, and not to think.

Thoughts and feelings were rushing though Relena’s head all at once, she could feel the pent up desires of a 20 year old woman seeping through her veins.   She wanted him so badly, but she couldn’t find the words, the words to ask him to stay with her.   To stay the night.

“If you’re leaving, would you stay here.   Tonight?”   Heero took her chin softly in his hands, making her look at him.

“I’m coming back Relena.”   Heero noticed that her troubled expression hadn’t changed.

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, and I promise you, I’ll come back.”   Relena nodded once, smiling again.   He could tell it was forced, he knew she was hurting inside.

“Can you even tell me where you’re going?”

“JX00019.”  

Relena couldn’t hide her fearful expression.   “Why are you going there?   If you’re caught-“

“Its a reconnaissance mission, that’s all.   I’ll be leaving tomorrow with Wufei.”

“Wufei?   So the Preventers know you're alive?"   

"No, I am still officially dead.  I approached Wufei, I knew he would be able to help in his current position."

Relena stared up at Heero, wondering how he could be so calm about it all.

"Why wasn’t I informed?”   Heero freed Relena from their intimate embrace when he heard her cool ‘Vice-Foreign-Minister’ persona kick in.

“You will be. Tomorrow, when I would have already been gone.”   Relena almost laughed.

“It seems the people around me know me too well.”   She walked to the balcony railing, the cool metal numbed her fingers.

Heero could see the disappointment in her eyes.   He had again hurt her.

He stood behind her, feeling so very suddenly out of place.   He walked towards the back of the balcony, ready to make his descent.

“Leaving again?  It seems to be what you do best."  Relena didn't even look around.

"Do you want me to stay?"  Relena couldn't believe what she had just heard.  Do I want him to stay!?  You are the most infuriating, annoying, self-centered....

Taking her silence as his answer, Heero climbed over the railing.

"Heero, please!  I don't want you to go.  Of course I don't want you to go."  She placed her hand softly on his, she could feel how cold he was, her own hand felt hot in comparison.

"You're so cold." She whispered taking his hand in hers trying to warm it.  He just watched her, he had never had anyone care this much about him, and it was such a small gesture of kindness.

"So I'm told."  Relena's head shot up.  She was going to apologize, that was definitely not what she meant, but she saw a crooked smile on his face.  Did he just make a joke?

She smiled back, "That's not what I meant, and you know it."  

Heero's smile faded.  "If I ever said anything to you, in the past, and I hurt you.  I'm sorry."  Relena didn't know what to say, she had never expected him to apologize for being the way he is.  Even if sometimes he hurt her, inadvertent or not, she wouldn't have him any other way.

"Ditto."  Heero looked down at their hands, still clasped together.  As if reading his mind Relena spoke up.

"Please stay; stay with me tonight."  Relena lightly pulled on his hand, and he took the hint, climbing back over the railing.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep."  She squeezed his hand, making him look at her, and she brushed his unruly hair from his eyes.

"I don't intend to sleep."

That desire that had threatened to overcome him abruptly resurfaced.   He knew what she was offering him.   Dare he take her offer?   He knew that it would be her first time, and that it would be painful, but there was something in her eyes, that look of earnest desire; she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.

“I don’t want to hurt you.”   Relena lead him back inside; stopping before her bed.   She looked into his eyes, trying to show him the total trust she had in him, and that she felt no fear.   She grasped his other hand, placing them on her body, she smiled inwardly at his sharp intake of breath.

“You won’t.”