De Profundis

by Saz

Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Gundam Wing? If I did Relena and Heero would do more than stare at each other all the friggin time, that’s for sure :P

Chapter 1

“Are you sure about this Heero? If we go through with this, you’ll never be able to see-“

“I’m sure.”   Heero cut him off. “I have no choice.”

Quatre simply nodded.   “Then lets get it over with.”

A silence descended on the apartment room. As the dark clouds of night rumbled by a shattering sound pierced the gloomy demeanor of the night. A gunshot.

[2 Days Later…]

“Relena?” She smiled looking back at the figure in the distance….   The thick green grass was slick to her feet as she stood up.   She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him.   Most people wouldn’t understand, he was so sterile and cold, but there was something about him.   Something that had unleashed a Pandora’s box of emotion inside her, and she was sure that the box would never close.

“Heero!” She waved back in acknowledgement.   She couldn’t take her eyes off him; he was running now… almost there….   He was reaching out to touch her when…

Relena bolted up right in her bed, gasping for breath.   Looking around her lavish room, her eyes began to focus, and reality set in.   Her mind returned to the painful realization. Images of Heero were fading.   She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold the thought, but it was gone.   Just a dream, like it always was.   Heero wasn’t there, and she was alone.   As ever.

[A.C. 199.   Capital City of the Sanc Kingdom]

Relena walked the halls of the huge mansion that had become her home.   She often thought that such things were unnecessary, that a huge mansion, and expensive furnishings would just detract money from better usage, improving the Kingdom. She could live without these things… But it seemed that society has a certain view of national leaders.   A view she didn’t see changing anytime soon.

Despite being ridiculously huge, the mansion did have one advantage she often made use of.   Being so enormous she could slip away and no one would ever find her.   Peace had ruled the Earth Sphere for so long now that her duties were lessened, she actually had time to have a life.   But this was the root of her problem in a way.   For nearly 2 years she was kept, sometimes unbearably, busy with one thing or another; meeting a colonial leader advocating peace; leading her own country through times of turmoil, but in the past year, everything seemed to be going well.   No major incidents.   Nothing to do, but deal with the affairs of her own country.   All she found herself doing was overseeing the search for Heero.   When he disappeared all those years ago, she felt like a part of her had left with him.   She needed that part of herself back.   She needed him back.

***

The car screeched to a halt outside the Peacecraft mansion, a tall slender figure hurried out.

“Get Miss Relena now!” she yelled to the nearest person upon entering.

“Captain Noin?”

She didn’t stop walking as the confused attendant looked on.

“Don’t question me. Just get her!”

Concerned, he agreed. “Right away ma’am.”

***

“Noin?”   Relena entered her office, surprised to see her long missed friend.

“It’s good to see you. I heard you needed to see me urgently?”

Noin stood in the Princess’ presence.   “Relena.   It’s wonderful to see you too, but I have come with news, I only thought it would be right to inform you in person.”

Relena didn’t know how she knew, but there was something in Noin’s voice. Something that told her that this was to do with him… something to do with Heero.

“What is it?”

“Relena, sit down. Please.”

“I prefer to stand.   Noin please, tell me what it is… what’s wrong with Heero?”

Noin was taken aback… 

“How did you know?"

“So it is him? Where is he!?”   Relena’s heart was pounding.

After a long silence Noin couldn’t bear it anymore.

“I’m so sorry Relena. He was found 2 days ago. He was already dead.   There was nothing anyone could do.”   Noin saw something in Relena’s eyes like a switch had been flicked, like something had shut down, almost as if something had vanished.

Relena couldn’t comprehend it.   She couldn’t believe it.   Her eyes turned cold.

“You’re certain it’s him?”   Her voice was harsh and unfeeling.

“Relena-“ Noin started, but she was cut off.

“Thank you for personally delivering this information.   If you’ll excuse me.”   Relena turned and headed out the door as quickly as Noin had blinked.

“Relena!” Noin called after her, but she was already gone.

[Space Colony JX00019]

“So she knows.   How is she?”

“I’m not sure.   She won’t talk to anyone.   She’s disappeared from the mansion, everyone here seems to think she’ll come back soon enough, but I am worried Zechs.   I think this may have been a mistake.”   Noin had already expressed her opinion about the plan, that it was wrong to put this burden on Relena, she had been suffering enough knowing she may never see Heero again, and now its confirmed.   She never will.

“I’m sorry that you had to be the one to tell her Noin, I would have done it myself if I hadn’t been here. Things could get complicated very soon. But she needed to be told as soon as possible. She will cope for now.   The truth about this colony will come out soon enough.”

“Very well.”   As Zechs nodded, Noin saluted her superior.

“Noin out.”

***

Relena had escaped the Capital and made her way, as far as possible, from the city.   After hours of walking she finally collapsed in a field, a green lush field, it was so familiar.   It was like the one from her dream.

Relena didn’t know how to feel.   She had this pain inside her, and it was ripping her apart, but it remained inside.   She couldn’t cry. It was like someone had killed a part of her and she felt she had nothing left to live for.   No one left to live for.

She breathed in the night air; it was as cold as ice.   Just like she felt.

If there was ever a time to hide away from the world; this was it.   She wanted to remain alone in this field forever.   Remain with her memories.   She felt like she wanted to die too.   Even though her body was shaking violently, she didn’t move, she was sure she would die out here.   Her breath was getting shorter and shorter until finally her eyes closed and the breathing stopped.

“Relena?”   Relena opened her eyes at the sound of a familiar voice.   At first she couldn’t see, a bright white light filled her vision.

“Relena?   What are you doing down there?”   Her vision suddenly cleared.   The bright light was the suns glare in her eyes.

“Heero?”   He stepped in the way of the light and she could see him.   It was strange. He was smiling.   She had hardly ever seen him smile, a real genuine smile.   Not a smirk or evil grin.   He was actually happy to see her.

“Come on, why are you sitting down there like that?   It’s a beautiful day.   You should enjoy it a little.”   He held out his hand to her, and she was about to take it, when she heard another voice…it was distorted… twisted… echoing.

“Relena! Don’t die on me Relena!” 

“Huh? Noin?”   Relena looked around, her vision had become blurred.

“Relena are you ok?”   Heero looked at her strangely.

“Am I dreaming?” Relena asked.   Heero laughed a little.

“Here, let me help you up…” As Heero touched her, Relena’s eyes shot open.

“Relena? Are you ok?”   Noin got up and stood over her bed.

“Where?   Where am I?”   Relena darted her vision around the room.   She didn’t recognize where she was.

“You’re in a hospital.   You gave us quite a scare.   What were you doing out there?   Were you trying to kill yourself!?”   Noin sat on the edge of her bed.

“I… I didn’t mean to scare you.   It’s just I can’t…. not anymore… not without-“   Relena gripped the blanket so tight it started to fray.

“Relena, it’s ok.   I know how you feel.   I know how it feels to know that the person you love, the person you would do anything for is gone, and there’s no way he’ll ever come back.”   Relena felt her eyes welling up, the tears she fought so bravely to hold back couldn’t be restrained anymore.

“Oh Noin!   I never told him and now he’ll never know!”   Her tears flooded her face.   Noin held onto her so tight.   She almost began to cry herself.   She stroked her hair, trying to calm her, but her tears were filled with such intensity.

“You have to be strong Relena, you are a Princess of the Sanc Kingdom.   The people need you, as you need them, especially now-“

“But I can’t-“ Noin freed Relena from the embrace.

“You have to Relena!   The fate of your country rests with you.   If you can’t lead them they will fall.   You need them, and they need you, remember that.”

After brushing back the tears, and regaining a little composure she replied.

“I understand.”   Relena tried to force a smile, but tears streaked down her face.

“Be strong Relena. You’ll get through this.”   Noin embraced the young girl once more before leaving the room.

“Get some rest.”   Relena nodded in response.

A young boy stood up outside Relena’s room as Noin appeared.

“How is she?”   The blonde haired teen asked.

“She’ll be ok.   Eventually.   She’s taking this really hard, to the point where she tried to kill herself last night.   Are you sure this is what Heero wanted?”   Noin asked frustrated.