Perfect Soldier’s Lament

By: Sailor Saturn

Disclaimer: I don’t own Gundam Wing or any of its fabulous characters. Now, we can begin.

This is my very first poem. It’s about Heero’s thoughts about his life and his present state. I’m a BIG Heero-lover, so in case you were wondering, well there you have it. It might get a bit sad, just might. I got this idea from the fic ‘Worthless’ by Cola, the Sapphire Goddess. If you’re reading Cola, great fic! You really accomplished your goal.^^ Oh and, uh, if it sux, TOO BAD! This is my view on Heero’s inner thoughts, so if you plan to flame me, go to hell, you’ll find more use for ‘em there. *ahem* Back to the poem.

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Guilt

That’s what I carry

On my shoulders, heart and soul

Guilt of taking thousands of innocent lives

Thousands that deserved to live

I also carry the grief of millions more

Their loved ones I toke away

You may not understand

Because I may not show it

I may not act like it

I may not even seem like I care

It’s my job after all

Taking lives away

Perfect Soldier, that’s what I’m dubbed

No emotions, no regard for life

Cold, callous and dedicated

No matter what the outcome may be

Even if it means my death

Why would I want to try and kill myself

I’m only 15 after all

Well, maybe it’s because of those 15 years

Leading up to this day

People admire me

For my strength, drive and charisma

And my fluid, almost dance-like movements

On the battle field

Why should I be unhappy?

I’m the most respected and yet feared child

In the whole world

Child. That’s what I am

I should be able to be free to have fun

Be carefree, enjoy life

Isn’t that what childhood is about?

My childhood, you ask

What it was like?

I give you a dry laugh

Wouldn’t you like to know?

My childhood was hell, that’s all I’ll say

Being conditioned into the perfect killing machine

Isn’t a fun thing

What do I think of myself?

Well, I wish I was dead

Then I could put myself out of the misery

Of this dark, sordid thing

I call my life

I’m worthless, nothing more than a weapon

To be used then discarded

Without a second thought

Life to me is hell

Laying in bed at night

Thinking about that innocent little girl

Big violet eyes, long brown hair

Simple child-like voice

Burned forever into my memory

Oh, why are the fates so cruel?

Couldn’t they do better than this?

What did I ever do so horrible

To deserve such a life?

If that’s what you even want to call it

I’m useless, no-one would ever need me again

Who would want to associate themselves with me

A designated killer?

That’s why I find it such a good idea

To presently take up that black piece of metal

That has destroyed so many lives

And put an end to mine

Put an end to all of the heartache I’ve endured

For the past decade and a half

Goodbye, cruel life

We shall never meet again!

And with that last thought

A sharp pain filled my brain

And puts me into an eternal slumber

That will make me finally feel peace.

Sailor Saturn