Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor do I even
pretend to. I do borrow the characters, though, because
they populate the little world in my head so nicely. But I
promise to return them with little or no damage.

Warning: Heero and an insignificant OC, Relena and...Trowa?
But all will be set straight in the future. I promise.

Break Stuff

Pain. Sharp, pounding pain throbbing behind his eyelids. Heero struggled to push himself up, then collapsed back onto the bed as his arms gave out. With a concentrated effort he forced his bleary eyes open and groaned as the room swam into focus.
Still unable to move, his eyes fixed on his ceiling fan. Or rather, the lacy object dangling from his ceiling fan.
A bra?! What in the-
The events of the previous evening flooded back into his sleep-fogged brain. Oh yes. Duo betting he could drink Heero under the table...three bottles of Bacardi...what was her name? Candy? Carrie? Without turning his head, Heero swept his arm over the
sheets next to him. Well, whatever her name was, she wasn't there anymore. And her escape had been hasty, judging from the black bit of lingerie she had left in a most unusual place. Heero contemplated the bra for a few more minutes, then tried again to get up. This time his body responded properly and he stood, a bit shakily, only to almost fall back on the bed when he caught sight of his reflection in the dresser mirror.
Scrawled on various parts of his anatomy were various descriptive words and obscene phrases.
In permanent marker. 
Briefly he considered committing hara-kiri, then decided he should probably wash off the incriminating evidence first. He grabbed a towel off the floor and shuffled off towards the bathroom.


"Quatre?" Poke, poke. "Quatre? Are you alive?"
Duo leaned over the blond boy with a look of concern on his face. He didn't know what Quatre's tolerance was, but judging from the number of times Duo had seen him at the beer bong, he'd probably been pretty smashed. Presently, Quatre was slung over the arm of the couch, with his legs sprawled over the cushions and his head and left arm hanging over the side. He was snoring. It didn't look very comfortable. "Quatre?"
"Mmmmrrrrhnd." Quatre mumbled something and wrinkled his nose. "I think something's growing on my tongue." Slowly he sat up, then carefully pulled himself to his feet. He winced again as a headache blossomed. "Oww. Do we have aspirin?"
"Of course. We have coffee, too." Duo sounded too cheerful for someone who had consumed a fifth of vodka and several shots by himself. On the other hand, he was also wearing sunglasses in a darkened room, so he wasn't totally immune to alcohol's effects. Quatre lurched towards the kitchen, Duo following behind. Both stopped when they heard the soft -snick- of a doorknob turning. They looked up just in time to see Relena tiptoe out of Trowas' bedroom and close the door softly behind her. Then she glanced up-and froze as she caught sight of the two people staring at her.
Duo snickered.
Quatre felt mildly ill.
Relena looked like a deer in headlights.
The three stared at each other for several long minutes. Then Quatre spoke up.
"Let us never speak of this again," he said solemnly. The other two nodded, and Relena bolted for the front door.
Duo and Quatre exchanged mildly disturbed glances. "Some party," Duo smirked.


Heero examined the remaining traces of marker. He had tried desperately to get it all off, and was rubbed raw in a few places where he'd taken off the top layer of skin. Most of the obscene phrases were gone, but there were still a few descriptive words
left. Oh well. Hopefully the rest of the gang would be too hung over to notice.
Quickly Heero threw on a green tank top and jeans and headed downstairs. He was greeted with the sight of three pathetic looking heads. Quatre was scraping his tongue and examining his fingernails for traces of plant life. 
Duo was humming a tune and tapping out the beat on his coffee mug.
Trowa, who had finally come out of his room sans shirt, was rubbing his temples with one hand and a mysterious black and blue mark on his neck with the other.
Pouring himself some coffee, Heero joined them at the table. Quatre passed him the bottle of aspirin. He took five, and quickly scanned the table. 
Something was...missing. Then it struck him.
"Where's Wufei?"
Three heads looked at Heero in unison, and he was rewarded with three blank stares.
"Wufei?" Duo thought hard. "He was the designated, right?"
Quatre and Trowa nodded. Trowa resumed rubbing his temples.
Heero sighed in disgust. "So obviously he dropped us here. Did he take anyone else home?" More blank stares. "Does anyone remember the last three hours?"
Bad thing to say. Instantly everyone was on the defensive.
"-You- don't remember, Heero."
"He was off with that girl, remember? Duo?"
"I was with a girl too!"
Trowa stopped rubbing his temples. "You were flirting with a potted plant, Duo."
"There was a girl next to it! I swear!"
"You mean the sleeping girl?"
"Shut up, Quatre."
They were all hushed by a Look Of Death from Heero. Quatre seemed to shrink in his chair. The ticking second hand on the clock suddenly seemed very loud. And Trowa was now examining another mysterious mark on his chest.


Wufei pulled into the driveway in unusually good spirits. He didn't curse the sticky lock on the front door for once, and as he strolled easily into the kitchen, the expression on his face could have passed for a smile. Completely disregarding thefour young men at the table, he whistled to himself and pulled a pitcher of juice from the fridge. He turned around to realize that four pairs of eyes were fixed on him. "What?"
Trowas' eyes flickered with understanding. "You took Sally home," he said.
Wufei suddenly felt wary of the situation. "Yes," he said slowly. "She could hardly walk, Stupid woman. Someone had to take her home."
Duo sniggered behind his sunglasses. "You took Sally home eight hours ago." He stopped sniggering when Heero's Look Of Death focused exclusively on him.
"Less than that. I brought you drunken idiots home at three thirty-"
"And it's now twelve-forty-seven. More than eight!" Duo crowed triumphantly, choosing to ignore Heero's look.
Wufei's eyes narrowed. "What's your point?"
Desperate to stop a fight during which Duo would get pounded and valuable coffee could get spilled, Quatre tried to distract the crew. "Heero, why is 'Lick Here' written on your shoulder?"
Another bad thing to say. True, he had stopped the Wufei vs. Duo brawl, but Heero's eyes were causing him to squirm uncomfortably.
"I'm going to go take a shower." Abruptly Trowa stood up, almost spilling his coffee and revealing another mysterious mark right above his pants. Duo opened his mouth. Quatre reached over and shut it for him. Hard.
"Ow!" Duo rubbed his jaw. Heero turned his eyes back to his coffee. Wufei scowled as he poured his juice. Quatre took two more aspirin. And Trowa screamed from the bathroom as he undressed for the shower and discovered even more mysterious marks.


Tick...Tick...Tick...
"How long is he going to stay there for?" Quatre whispered to Trowa. They were at the stove, making soup and watching Heero stare into his mug.
"He's only on his fourth cup. I give him two more before he moves." Trowa tugged the collar of his turtleneck higher and stirred the soup.
"Should we say something to him?"
"I wouldn't."
Quatre nodded and pulled bowls out of the cupboard. The pair got themselves some soup, and turned to sit at the table.
"Heero, would you like some soup?" Quatre asked, forgetting Trowa's advice.
"Hn." Heero didn't even look up. An arctic wind seemed to blow across the table.
Taking the hint, Trowa and Quatre picked up their bowls and retreated to the living room. Duo was sprawled on the couch, channel surfing. He got up with a yelp when Quatre stepped on his braid. 
"Watch the hair!"
"Don't leave your braid hanging off the end of the couch!" Quatre and Duo glared at each other for a minute, then retreated back into their hungover hazes.
Duo stood. "I'm gonna go get a soda. Anyone else want one?"
Trowa shook his head. "Try not to aggravate Heero. He's in a really bad mood." He watched Duo disappear into the kitchen, then pulled a ten dollar bill out of his pocket and tossed it on the coffee table. "Fifteen minutes," he said.
Quatre put in twenty. "Ten minutes."
Wufei came downstairs and looked first at the money on the table, then at the two ex-pilots. "Duo's in the kitchen with Heero," Trowa said. 

Wufei smiled and threw a five and some ones into the pile. "How long has it been already?"
Quatre checked his watch. "Two minutes."
"I give him three more minutes."
Quietly the group turned back to the TV.


"Hey Heero, you want a soda or some more coffee or something?"
"Hn."
"You could at least give me a straight yes or no answer." Duo pouted.
In response, Heero lifted his head and glared at Duo. "No," he growled.
"All right then." The braided God of Death rummaged noisily through the fridge.
Heero gritted his teeth. The others knew when to leave him alone, but Duo never seemed to know when to back off. He just kept pushing until Heero was left with no other choice but to- 

"So who was that girl you brought home last night?" Duo's teasing tone made Heero's headache ten times worse.
"Nobody."
"Nobody, huh? I bet you don't even remember her name."
Heero's eyes narrowed to slits, his muscles tensed, and he sipped his coffee slowly. Duo didn't notice. He was still raiding the fridge.
"If you don't remember her name, I bet you don't remember what you did with her, either."
Heero began mentally recalling pressure points.


Outside the door, Wufei cursed under his breath. Seven minutes. Duo had lasted longer than Wufei had expected him to, and now he was out eight bucks. Ah well. He'd win it back later.


"So was she good in bed?" Duo helped himself to a pint of ice cream and sat across from Heero. The Japanese boy winced. "Oh wait. That's right. You don't remember." Duo chuckled to himself as he ate. 
Heero calculated the most direct route from his hands to Duo's throat.
"So I guess she's the one who wrote 'suck this' on your earlobe, right?" Still no response. Duo sighed in resignation. This was no fun. "Whatever. You couldn't get any to save your life anyways."


In the living room, the remaining three heard the sharp thwunk of Duo's skull making contact with the refrigerator door. Quatre checked his watch again, then collected the money off the table. Trowa turned up the TV to drown out the sounds of things
breaking and crashing. "At least Maxwell doesn't scream while he's getting the life beat out of him," Wufei remarked.
"Shh." Quatre waved a hand at Wufei. "This is the best part of the movie."


Several minutes later, Heero walked quietly into the living room and surveyed the group on the couch. He seemed almost cheerful.
"Does he need immediate medical attention?"
Quatre asked, without taking his eyes off the screen.
"No. get him some ice and he'll be fine." Heero slumped into the recliner and absorbed himself in the show. Wufei and Trowa played rock-paper- scissors to determine who would go clean up Duo and the kitchen. Trowa won and Wufei grumbled all the way out of the living room. 
Trowa, Quatre, and Heero all looked at the closed kitchen door, then at each other. Heero tossed some bills on the table. "Five minutes," he said.