by Katana Force

This is dedicated to Rosedust and Oracle at Delphi.  Believe it or not, you two actually had an influence in this.  Now will both of you stop reading and go write!!!!

"So you’re saying that you can pull a joke on each and everyone of us?" Duo rested his hands on his hips and laughed. "Are you proposing a joke out? Sorry, but you ain’t getting me."

Heero crossed his arms and smirked. "Anyone who would want to get anyone would want to get you most of all."

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The six Gundam pilots were gathered at Preventer base, facing off after having some stupid tricks being pulled by an unknown enemy. Some had suggested it was Heero, but others had said he was incapable of pulling a stunt like those. Thus the reason Heero was presenting a joke out, to prove that he could pull a prank. (Or proving his manhood, you decide.)

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"Heero, what are you saying?" Quatre questioned of the smirking pilot.

"Beginning at dawn, and lasting for 24 hours, I am going to get each and everyone of you with a prank, especially you, Duo." The others laughed.

"You! Get them and me? What are the stakes?"

"The looser has to stand on a table in the Preventer Mess, during lunch, singing ‘I am Little Tea Pot’."

"Ha! I’d like to see you try. I look forward to your singing tomorrow, Heero, and I’ll make sure Relena is there." With that, Duo and the others walked off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hilde pulled her shirt off, enticing Duo even more. She kneeled before him in her living room and gave him a long, hard kiss. "Duo, take me to bed or loose me forev-AHHHHHHHHHH!"

Duo sat up, his dreamed ruined by someone down the hall yelling . With startling clarity, he realized that it was coming from Zeches’ room, and it was not a battle cry type. It was the one screamed in horror of fear. He jumped out of bed, clad only in boxers, and ran down the hall. Gunshots rang out, causing the others to charge out of their rooms as well. They all stumbled into Zeches’ room to find him holding a golf pole with a dead snake hanging off the end. "You!" He pointed the pole at Heero. "You dirty, sniveling, little weasel!"

"I didn’t put that snake in your bed. I’m not that good when it comes to jokes, remember?" Zeches snarled before dumping the dead snake into a waste basket. Heero turned and passed Duo on the way out. "And if I remember my math right, that’s one down."

The others shook their heads and left, leaving Duo and Zeches behind. "Man, that was a really bad prank."

"Your telling me."

"And he messed up a good dream too."

A few minutes later, Duo pulled on a fresh shirt and frowned. It was no surprise that Heero had gotten past Zeches to put the snake in his bed, but why did Heero’s clothes that he was wearing this morning look like he had just crawled out of bed?

"Mother on Nataku! I think I’m going to die!"

Duo’s head whipped up. "That was Wufei!" He was out the door and down the hall in a flash. He found Wufei bent over his bathroom sink, gagging and drinking water. "Wufei, what happened?"

Zeches and Heero came in as well.

"I was brushing my teeth, and the toothpaste tasted really bad. Then I started foaming at the mouth!"

Zeches picked up the toothpaste tube and smelled it. "Someone put shaving cream in the tooth paste tube." All eyes turned to Heero.

"Don’t look at me, I can’t pull jokes like this."

Wufei snorted. "Some joke, but I admit defeat."

Duo’s jaw dropped. "That’s it! You’re not going to kill him!?"

"No, I’m not going to."

Heero smirked. "Two down, three to go." And he walked out.

Duo walked out of the room, feeling a little more apprehensive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hours later, Duo was walking through the food line, staring at the rubber they called food.

"Good afternoon, sir. May I recommend the vegetables cause the beans are really awful."

Duo glanced down at the green peas and carrots. "Sure." For some strange reason, he felt a pair of eyes burning into his back. He turned to see Heero, not a few tables away, smirking at him. Duo immediately turned around and grabbed the servers hand, dumping the food back into the tray. "No thanks, I’ll have the beans instead."

"But sir, the beans are awful! You really don’t want to have the beans."

"Whatever, I’ll have the beans."

"Okay, sir." The server went to scoop up some beans when Duo turned around again. Heero was still smirking at him. Again, Duo grabbed the servers hand and dumped the beans back into the pan.

"Oh no, I’m not going to fall for that trick. He tells me that the beans are bad, so I’ll think that the beans are what he wants me to have, but then he’ll make me have the beans and I’ll have the veggies, which are actually poisoned." Duo turned, leaving a freaked out server standing stock still behind the bar.

Duo took a seat opposite Heero, dropped his tray, and took Heero’s tray. "Oh, sure, nice try with food. I’ll just eat yours."

"Duo, you are too tense." Duo glanced down the table at Trowa.

Heero nodded. "You know, Duo, you really should relax. You are taking this a little too seriously."

Trowa took a bite of the food and began to choke.

"Heero, if you think I am actually nervous about your pathetic excuses for jokes, you’ve got me all wrong."

Trowa wrapped his hands around his throat, his face turning red. "Wa-ter. Cughk. Wa-ter."

Neither paid him any head. Trowa reached halfway across the table for the pitcher of the precious liquid. He took a few quick swigs.

"Heero, you poisoned the clown!"

Trowa slammed the pitcher down. "Heero, you-you-you crumb!" With that said, he left. Duo looked at Heero unbelievingly.

"Don’t look at me, Duo. I would never come up with something like that." Heero smirked an evil grin which caused Duo to squirm in his seat. "That’s three down, two to go."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Lt. Maxwell!" Duo turned to see Lady Une and a stranger headed in his direction. "This is Lee Chen, Rep. Colmbs’ assistant. He is here to get a good look of what exactly goes on here at the Preventers. I thought you would show him around."

"Sure thing. Lee, name’s Duo Maxwell. Pleasure to meet you."

Lee smiled in return, but then glanced over Duo’s right shoulder. "Heero!"

Duo jumped.

"Lee, it is a pleasure to see you again."

Duo looked between Lee and Heero, understanding dawning. "Wait, you two know each other?"

Heero nodded. "I meet Lee when I had to escort Relena to a couple of balls. He and I had some fun."

Lee let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, that we did. I still remember the look on Sen. Thomason’s face when he tasted the wine."

Heero nodded in return. "You’ll have to catch me later and update me on your joke spree."

"Sure thing, Heero." Duo watched Heero’s retreating form before turning back to Lee.

"So, how ‘bout that tour, Duo?"

Duo chuckled. "Sure, you’d like that. I don’t think so. I’m on to your and Heero’s little game."

"What?"

Duo chuckled even more. "Don’t play innocent with me. I am the master at jokes so you can just forget about it." Duo smirked and trotted off in the other direction, leaving a stupefied Lee behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Duo was getting nervous. He had seen Heero throughout the day, and every time they met, Heero had that evil smirk. Duo could feel his nerves beginning to unravel, and he was beginning to jump at the sight of his own shadow, but oh no, Heero was not going to get him.

He checked the file, to make sure he had the right information, and headed towards Quatre’s office.

"Quatre, I-" Duo ducked when something above the door rang. He looked to see a warning system set to jingle when the door was opened. "Quatre?"

Quatre’s blond head peeked up over the edge of his desk. "Oh, it’s just you."

Duo smirked and set the file on the desk. "This is for you. What’s with the alarm system?"
"I’m locking myself in this room until this is all over. I’ve got twenty motion detectors set up inside and outside. There is no way Heero is going to get me."

"Quatre, I think you’re worrying too much."

"I don’t care. I survived two wars between my sisters and the Maguanac Corp., and I am not falling in this war."

Duo chuckled, hiding his nervousness, and left. He wasn’t fifteen feet away when something inside Quatre’s office exploded. Duo spun around and charged in only to find Quatre putting out a fire in one of his drawers. Duo quickly grabbed a nearby extinguisher and put the fire out.

"I don’t understand! How did he get past all the security!"

With his nerves now completely unraveled, Duo waved some of the smoke away. "It’s Heero we’re talking about here, so your guess is as good as mine."

"Wait, you’re the only one left! Your a walking time-bomb, and I don’t want to be around when he gets you! Go! Shoo!" Quatre waved Duo away.

"Quatre, don’t worry, he’s not going to get me."

Quatre glanced at Duo before pointing to the door. Duo turned to find Heero standing there, holding up one finger. His eyes grew wide as Heero smirked.

"Get away from me, Duo!"

"All right, all right!" Duo headed towards the door, keeping as far away from Heero as possible before heading in the direction on his quarters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taking a piece of wood, Duo tapped the door handle. It seemed okay. He tapped it with his fingers, quickly, testing it before taking a good hold on it and turning the knob. He pushed the door open and jumped back, waiting for something, but nothing happened. He peeked inside, checking for any traps. He found none that were visible so he walked in and looked around.

"Everything seems normal."

But the bed looked a little too made up. Grabbing the corner of the blanket and sheet, he ripped it off and jumped back, but there was nothing there. He pushed the mattress off, and still he found nothing.

Heading towards the bathroom to get ready for bed, he pulled the toothpaste tube out of the cupboard, glanced at it, and threw it over his shoulder.

"Well, I can always take a shower." But he thought twice about it and decided against it. Leaving the bathroom, he looked around them room. Was there anywhere safe to go?

Then an idea struck him.

---------------

Around two in the morning at Preventer base, anyone could look out and see quite an amusing sight. There was a famous Lt. Maxwell, laying awake and paranoid on a cot, holding a gun and a baseball bat, surrounded by barb-wire fence ten feet tall, which was surround by one-hundred motion and sound detectors that he had painstakingly set up, along with cameras, lights, and sirens.

Duo Maxwell was not going to be gotten no matter what. Even if he was a paranoid, half-crazed with loss of sleep, and unnerved pilot being hunted down by a ruthless jokester. Oh no, he wasn’t going to be gotten. (Right, and if you believe that, I’ve got some Gundanium to sell to you.)

---------------

Dawn came and the rooster sounded, telling Duo that the 24 hour joke out was up. He had done it! Heero Yuy had not gotten him! He emerged as the victorious one once again! Putting on a victorious smirk, Duo marched into the cafeteria and looked for the others. He found them sitting at a nearby table.

"Well, well, well, if it isn’t Heero’s table of losers. Care if a non-looser joins you?"

Quatre moved over. "Not at all. Duo, you do not look well." The others studied his rumpled clothes and messy hair that happened to have a few twigs and leaves still in it, not to mention what looked like it was once a braid. "Have you been eating and sleeping well?"

"I spent all night making sure I would not be gotten, and it worked too." Duo grabbed a piece of toast and made his way down to Heero. "You know, I really have to commend you, Heero. You really tried, but I guess we all know who the real king of the jokes is."

"Not exactly, Duo."

"What are you talking about?" He pointed at the others. "He got you, you, you, and you. He got all of you but me."

Zeches leaned forward. "Did you actually see the snake alive?"

"Yes, it was right there on the end of the pole."

"Exactly, dead. And you never actually saw it in my bed, nor did you see any bullet holes."

"What?"

Wufei leaned forward. "Did you taste my toothpaste?"

"Did you taste my food?" Trowa added.

"Did you see my file drawer explode?" Quatre questioned while smiling.

Duo was seriously confused. "You mean he didn’t get any one of you?"

Heero smirked. "Truth be told, Duo, the only one who was gotten was you. The greatest joke of all is the joke that never came."

The other guys applauded while Zeches clarified. "Heero’s plan was so brilliant, we couldn’t resist helping him. It was to much fun to watch you become so paranoid, never knowing when he would strike."

"What about the server?"

Heero let out a small chuckle. "He was just a normal, everyday person who didn’t know it wasn’t a normal, everyday day."

"And that guy Lee Chen? How do you explain him?"

"I can’t. He just happened to be a minor, innocent occurrence. Which, by the way, you owe him an explanation. He still thinks your crazy."

The others laughed (well about a laugh as you can get) while Duo smirked. "Well, you did very well. I lay the mantle as the king of the jokesters at your feet." Duo got up and started walking away, hoping the guys would forget the bet, but luck was not on his side.

"Hello, Duo."

Duo’s head snapped up to see Hilde standing in his way. "Hilde? What are you doing here?"

Hilde smiled and turned Duo around, pushing him back towards the table the guys had cleared. "I believe you have some singing to do?"

Duo knew he was not going to get out of this one. He slumped his shoulders and stepped up onto the table. By now, the entire room was silent, waiting.

"Sing Duo!"

Duo glared at Heero. "I am little tea pot."

"I can’t hear you!"

Duo shot Heero his own death glare. "I’m a little tea pot!"

"Let’s see some action!" Quatre called while laughing.

Duo did the motions in an exaggerated manor, "Short," he crouched low "and stout!" bringing his right hand to his side, like he was holding a basket ball. "Here is my handle!" He raised his other arm and curled it. "Here is my spout! When I am boiling, here me shout! Pick me up!" He stood straight. "And poor me out!" And he tipped to the side.

By now, all 1,945 Preventer agents were cracking up. Duo, brushing his embarrassment aside, took a few bows before getting down and enjoying some real food that Hilde had made for him.

By the door, Lee Chen looked on in slight horror, wondering what in the heck had happened to the Gundam pilot known as Duo Maxwell. "My superiors are never going to believe this."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero got up and headed towards his office with the memory of Duo’s singing and dancing still fresh on his mind. It had been quite a sight to see, and he was pleased with himself. Opening the door to his office, he nodded to the figure sitting in his chair.

"That’s all I get? Is a stinking nod?"

Heero walked over to Relena, spun the chair around while resting each hand on the armrests, pinning her there. He gazed down at her, mirth dancing in his eyes. "You are a genius." He gave her a good kiss before pulling her out of his chair.

She laughed as he sat down and settled her in his lap. "Glad you think so. Do you think you should tell Duo?"

"Tell Duo what?"

Relena smiled and leaned closer to whisper in his ear. Heero couldn’t help but grin in response.

Later that night, they had all gathered at a nearby bar in celebration. It had been a fun night, with excerpts of Duo’s paranoid day playing on a nearby TV. It had been Hilde and Dorothy, who had spent all 24 hours following Duo everywhere he went and recording everything.

Relena glanced at Heero and winked. Heero nodded in return and climbed up onto a chair. The room quieted when he pulled his gun. "I have a special announcement. Duo, do you remember Lee Chen?" Duo nodded, looking slightly confused. "Well, he saw your episode in the mess hall at breakfast and reported it to his superiors." Duo’s face paled just as the death march played over the bar’s sound system. "Duo, it is my sad duty to report to you that your Preventer days are over."

Duo turned in his chair and pleaded with Relena. "Come on, Jousan, can’t you talk to those stiff necks? Can’t you tell them what it was all about? I don’t want to loose my career in the Preventers!"

Relena shook her head no. "Sorry, they already assigned you another job where they thought you could be more......useful."

Duo’s face paled even more. "What’s that?" Relena signaled up to Heero.

"Duo, you are now booked for a solid year for every representative’s child’s birthday party to sing ‘I’m a Little Tea Pot’."

The room erupted in laughter while Duo processed what Heero had just said. He couldn’t help but smile in response. Life was never dull when you were with a Gundam pilot or two.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Trust me! Well, cept half of the idea. The other half belongs to Alan Alda.