Disclaimer: Guess what? I don’t own Gundam Wing. That’s right, you heard me. I don’t own it, and know what else? I don’t own the song The Stone, either…it belongs to the Dave Matthews Band. Sorry! I just love them, that’s all! And I don’t make any money off of anything I write…so if you really want to sue me over either of these, I’d ask you to reconsider, ‘cuz it really ain’t worth it!
Author’s Note: MAJOR TISSUE ALERT AHEAD!! And I don’t mean those little handy pack ones you keep in your purse, either. Break out the big boys because this is going to get pretty dismal. No, there are no happy endings or bright shiny futures, here! THIS IS A DEATHFIC…YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
I Will Go Alone by Luvspook
I’ve this creeping
Suspicion that things here are not as they seem
Reassure me
Why do I feel as if I’m in too deep
Relena looked across the vast sea of destruction that had once stood as a lasting symbol of peace. A place she had called home since that fateful day when the truth of her biological lineage crossed the dying lips of the man she had come to know as her father.
Since that day, she had vowed to be an advocate of peace, no matter what the price.
She just never imagined that that price would be so high…
* * * * *
The beautiful blue skies overhead had become black with shadows and thick with the impenetrable, inescapable barrier of smoke that crept across the land, leaving only death in its wake.
"We’ve done all we can do, Heero! We’ve gotta pull back and form some kind of defense line!" Duo yelled, as several more explosions sounded near to his position. "Heero?!"
"You’re right. We can’t allow them to advance any further into the kingdom. Destroy what you can, then pull back and find the others." He ordered, tersely, as more of the enemy mobile suits appeared on the horizon.
"What about you?! You’ve gotta pull back, Heero! There’s way too many…You can't take on that many mobile suits yourself…"
…How could I have made such a crucial miscalculation in their numbers?… He wondered, bitterly, terminating the link before Duo could finish. Sparing a hasty glance to the decimated and now retreating Earth Sphere Unified Forces, his eyes settled on the lone figure bearing silent witness to their destruction, and self-loathing swept through his mind.
They thought him so heartless. So callous.
Even her…
Guilt or innocence. War or peace. It was the same as black and white to him, and his path always fell somewhere in between. Where control was lost and choices were made, never meant to be questioned.
He always thought that at least they could understand.
Now I’ve been praying
For some way to show them I’m not what they see
Yes I have done wrong
But what I did I thought needed be done I swear
Turning his attention back to the task at hand, Heero launched his Leo suit into the wave of approaching troops, covering Duo and the others in their retreat.
ESUN’s naiveté prior to the Mariemaia incident had led to the Preventers exclusive control of a minimal number of mobile suits, that would be secured and maintained for just such an occasion. But, up against so many, they had known from the start that it would be a losing battle, at best.
The first blow came as a terrorist group calling themselves the OZ Revival launched a surprise attack against the Preventer Group, targeting the main Training Center at their Headquarters.
The news that Trowa had been killed instantly was of little comfort to the remaining former Gundam pilots; especially Quatre, who had also been injured in the initial blast. Hours later, he followed Trowa in death, seemingly having suffered too great a burden in simply living with the knowledge that he had been spared, when so many others had died.
Wufei had taken their deaths as personally as he did the destruction of his own clan, and spent the following days in the silent comforts of preparing for war, swearing vengeance for his fallen comrades.
Days later, the OZ Revival demonstrated its power before the whole of humanity by seizing control of the shuttle he and Sally were piloting back to Earth, destroying it for the entire world to see.
Now, only he and Duo remained.
Now, the world held its breath as they carried its weight upon their shoulders, once again.
The proximity alarm sounded, causing him to reign in his emotions, while alerting him to the missiles that were rapidly closing in on his position. Shifting the main controls, he managed to push back in just enough time to avoid a direct hit from the attack.
The ground where his suit had been mere moments before, exploded into a cloud of dust and debris, sending his Leo suit plummeting to the ground, just shy of half its left arm missing.
Disorientation flooded his senses as the ground raced up on him, and his body collided with the computerized control panel with a sickening crunch.
The mechanized circuits sparked in protest and thick tendrils of smoke poured from the severed limb, as Heero struggled to maneuver the suit back to its feet, ignoring the pain that radiated through his battered body as he did so.
Forcing the mech to full height, he unsteadily lifted the beam rifle at the surrounding forces and with a determined glare, fired six consecutive shots, dropping six of the enemy suits in tandem.
Heavy return fire assaulted the titanium surface, knocking his Leo back a few steps before forcing its disarmament, preventing him from defending himself against the remaining suits. Shots from one of the enemy dober rifles struck home in the suit’s right shoulder and chest, as several other enemy suits took aim, firing upon the Leo before it went down hard on its side.
He turned regretfully to glimpse the fading image of the Peacecraft mansion, barely visible through the haze of smoke around him, his thoughts turning to her as he slipped unwillingly into unconsciousness…
* * * * *
Relena could feel the heat of battle growing closer, threatening to swallow what remained of her kingdom without so much as the afterthought of remorse.
She placed a shaky hand to the glass that held her under its silent guard, determined to hold her back against the inevitable destruction that would befall her beloved kingdom, erasing it from the pages of history once again.
History that laid to rest so many soldiers…
So many innocents…
Unholy day
If I leave now I might get away
Oh, but this weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
She squeezed her eyes shut as the pain in her heart swelled with each heart-wrenching beat, and a tear fell in the memory of each soul who had sacrificed themselves in order to protect her fragile ideal.
"No…" She told herself, firmly, erasing all thoughts of escape from her mind. "I will stay…even if it means my life."
She fought the memory that surfaced in her mind, the memory of that moment when the first shots broke the early morning silence, and her Perfect Soldier had told her of the imminent battle. She could still remember the words he had spoken, still feel his heated touch and his breath against her skin as he pulled her in close, so close that she could feel his fears.
"No matter what happens, whether I make it back here or not, I want you to promise me that you’ll go with the others when they make their escape. If enemy troops breach the outer walls of the kingdom, there will be little to no chance of stopping them."
She could see the immeasurable amount of concern in his eyes, though his tone revealed none of it, and she could feel the sting of tears in her own, as she shook her head in reply.
"No. I won’t go, Heero…I can’t…If you’re going to fight, then I want to stay here with you."
"You are the enemy they aim to destroy. If you die, history stands to repeat itself and everything we’ve worked to attain will be lost…I won’t allow that to happen."
His words were cut off as an explosion sounded in the distance, and his eyes glinted with a spark of hatred as he turned to the window, seeing the black smoke threatening on the horizon.
She couldn’t keep the tears from flowing down her cheeks as he pulled her into a tender embrace, leaving her silently pleading for a way to stay trapped in that moment indefinitely. Placing her cheek against his bare shoulder, she closed her eyes, and relaxed into the momentary comfort of simply being in his arms.
I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same is what you want
And if not, I’ll go
I will go alone
"I don’t want you to go, Heero." She whispered, in fear that her voice would tremble if she forced it. "Stay with me…"
She had wanted so desperately for him to say yes, despite the fact that her heart already held his answer. Now, she looked out across the landscape, hoping once again, that he would find a way to return to her, while remembering the last words he had spoken before taking his place on yet another battlefield.
"…I can’t."
This time when the tears surfaced, they were shed only for him.
* * * * *
The enemy troops had been relentless in their pursuit, and Duo found himself fighting off his own fatigue, as he struggled to retreat to the defense line, hoping to find that Heero had somehow managed the same.
Zechs and Noin had been holding there own well enough, but were beginning to find themselves seriously outnumbered as another wave of troops arrived to pin them down under an arsenal of fresh firepower. Standing back to back, they were nearly an unstoppable force, though, unwavering in their ideals for peace.
"Looks like I made it back just in time!" Duo remarked, dryly, blasting several of the enemy suits as he cleared the hill overseeing the defense line.
Noin’s voice reached him just moments before her face popped up on the small viewscreen inside his suit.
"Duo! You made it back!"
"Was there any doubt?" Duo replied, with an arrogant smile. "You’re talking about the God of Death, here. No way I’m gonna be defeated by these guys!"
Noin didn’t respond, but he could see the relief wash over her in a rare display of smiles and the distinct glistening of tears in her eyes.
"Are you guys all right?" Duo asked, as he noticed another small group of Aries suits closing in on them.
Noin nodded her head in affirmation, before concern crossed her tired features, and she mustered the strength to ask.
"What about the others? Duo, where’s Heero?"
* * * * *
He stirred awake to a discomforting silence, the sounds of war no longer swelling around him, but more of a distant rumble in his ears.
His head was pounding and he blinked several times in an attempt to clear his vision, but even the slightest movement threatened to send him back into unconsciousness.
Pushing the limits of his mobility, he brought a shaky hand to his forehead, not surprised to find it covered in blood when he pulled it away. Undoubtedly, those last couple of hits had done him, not to mention his suit, quite a substantial amount of damage.
He gritted his teeth against the persistent pull in his left side, attempting to maneuver his Leo suit to an upright position, to no avail. The control panel was a tangled mass of circuits, still smoldering from that last attack, and Heero released a near anguished sigh as he forced himself to accept the inevitability that his suit wasn’t going anywhere. Undoing the safety harness still holding him secure, he tumbled out of the cockpit, to the rocky surface below.
He hit the ground with a soft thud, rewarded with a pain unlike any he had suffered before. His insides twisted as he struggled to his feet, but he ignored it in his desperation to see what remained of the Sank Kingdom.
A wasteland of titanium carcasses littered the countryside, thick trails of smoke blotting out the sun and shadowing the dead where they lay. The names given to those called enemy or ally meant nothing to death, which had laid claim to everything in its path, without prejudice.
An icy coldness shot through him as his eyes drank in the devastation, and he clutched his stomach, hoping to silence the pain that was threatening to send him to his knees.
He fought to steady himself as the sounds of battle touched his ears, the telltale flashes in the distance telling him without doubt that the war was still raging on.
In a whirlwind of regrets, a lifetime of meaningless battles replayed in his memory and revulsion churned in the pit of his stomach. The sounds of war would forever remain there, leaving his soul stained with the blood he had shed, the regrettable price of a soldier paid.
A long way
From that fool’s mistake
And now forever pay
No run, I will run and I’ll be okay
Shutting himself off to the pain, he clenched his fists, and set his sights on the battlefield that lay ahead.
Death would just have to wait for him…
* * * * *
Despite their best efforts, the enemy continued to advance, pushing the Earth Sphere Unified forces deeper and deeper into the kingdom. The civilians had long been evacuated, the remaining soldiers standing as loyal defenders of the Peacecraft name, led by the one revered as the Lightning Count.
Zechs had been the one to lead them into battle, once again leaving his young sister free to reign in the pacifism she believed in so entirely. Spilling blood had become frighteningly routine for him; his future long foreshadowed by his past as a soldier. And as a soldier, he was prepared to die, with Noin by his side.
…I promised you a year ago, that I would never leave your side. I’ve waited all this time, and I simply can’t wait any longer…
The words she had spoken so long ago had never been broken, endearing them to each other and defying all that would threaten them in their future together.
I was just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same is what you want
But if not, I’ll go
I will go alone
"How many more innocent people have to die before humanity realizes how meaningless it all is!" Noin snapped in frustration, repelling the enemy fire that threatened her position.
"So long as people’s actions are oriented by the illusions of power, there will always be wars, Noin." Zechs replied, in a harsh whisper. "The strong fight to control the weak, instead of protecting them."
"Then what will our deaths even mean when this is all over?" She questioned, rhetorically. She wasn’t directing her words at anyone in particular, and hadn’t really been expecting an answer, when several enemy suits were struck down from behind, by one of their own Aries.
In the silence of her confusion, an all too familiar voice reached her ears.
"That depends on if you really plan on dying today."
"Heero!" She exclaimed in surprise.
"So, he’s still alive!" Duo commented, barely concealing his own relief that his comrade was still in one piece. "Hmph! I should’ve known…"
With a few well placed hits, more of the enemy suits crumbled to the surface, gaping holes blown through their armor. The others used Heero’s distraction to renew their attack, cutting down the confused soldiers where they stood, unsure of whom to attack.
The Aries Heero was piloting connected with the ground a short distance from the depleted ESUN forces, dropping to one knee as its pilot jumped from the cockpit.
As Zechs and Noin finished off the last of the enemy troops, Duo also exited his mobile suit, surprised to see that Heero had made little effort to move from the spot he had landed in. He was just rushing over to give Heero a good one upside the head for worrying him so much, when he noticed that something was amiss.
Heero looked no worse for the wear on the outside, his body marred by its typical array of scattered cuts and bruises, but certainly nothing life threatening. So why did he feel that strange sense of urgency quickening his stride?
"Hey, Heero! I was wondering when you were gonna get your butt back here to help us!" He teased, with a faint chuckle, until Heero turned and practically collapsed into his arms. "What the?…Heero!"
"There’s more of them coming." He whispered, harshly, pressing his arm against his side as another wave of agony took control.
His world was reeling, and no matter how hard he struggled to breathe, the pain in his side prevented him from drawing in enough oxygen to steady it.
…The clock is ticking… He reminded himself, resentfully. …There is no time for this, now…
"Reinforcements…" He continued, attempting to force the pain away with that single word. "We have to get Relena out."
Duo would not release the vice-like grip on Heero’s shoulders, though, in fear of letting go before Heero had regained his strength. He eyed Heero with concern, still trying to trace the source of an injury great enough to slow the Perfect Soldier.
The gash on his forehead was deep, and despite the chill he received at the sight of how heavily it was bleeding, Duo could see clarity in his comrade’s eyes, and knew that the wound ran only surface deep.
So what else was there?
Extremities all seemed intact, not that broken bones could really stop Heero anyway, so what was it?
Duo could feel an unwanted shiver steal over him as he noticed how guarded Heero was at his left side; taking in his taut, pale features and the icy texture of his skin.
Suddenly, Duo felt his chest tighten with fear. One that quickly passed over his features as a small tear in the fabric of Heero’s forest green tank top gave him the answer he was searching for, but now, wished he hadn’t found.
Beneath the protective cover of his friend’s arm, a dark, angry looking bruise peered out at him, raising fresh concern in the back of his mind.
Heero took advantage of Duo’s shock to pull back and out of his comrade’s grasp, determined to complete his mission and save the one person in his life that could help him salvage his humanity.
A long way
To bury the past for I don’t want to pay
Oh, how I wish this
To turn back the clock and do over again
An image of her face came to his mind, and the pain slowly subsided to one that ran far deeper. An inevitable sadness touched him. He’d be leaving her soon. Far sooner than he’d hoped…and still so much would be left unsaid.
Now I’m just wondering if you’d come along
Hold up my head when my head won’t hold on
I’ll do the same if the same is what you want
But if not, I’ll go
I’ll go alone
"There are more of their troops on the way." Heero stated, tonelessly. "The kingdom will fall…no matter what we do. We have to get Relena to safety."
Duo could see a newfound emotion working its way into Heero’s eyes, drowning in the depths of the intense blue ocean he found there.
"But you can’t go up there…you need help…" Duo argued, fighting the intense frustration of defeat he was sensing in Heero’s voice.
"There’s nothing we can do to stop that now, either." Heero replied, calmly, only serving to infuriate Duo even more.
"You don’t know that for sure!" He yelled. "There are doctors, they could…"
"There isn’t time." Heero replied, sullenly, eyeing the Peacecraft mansion with a willful determination.
She had never left her silent watch, dutifully standing guard over her kingdom even in its final hours. Her silhouette stood, never resting, never leaving, never turning from that which needed her.
"…Relena…"
* * * * *
The last hour had spared her little of the pains of war.
From her vantagepoint, she could see the ESUN’s troops being whittled away at, leaving a lasting impression of death in her mind. She knew in her heart that her brother and Noin would manage to survive. She had even convinced herself that Duo and Heero would find some way to cheat death while fighting for her kingdom, but somewhere in the depths of her heart and soul, knew that this was peace’s final hour.
Earth would become a plaything to the strongest military faction to rise…Today it would be the new OZ, tomorrow, who knew…
She could see the approaching fleet of carriers dotting the horizon, too numerous to even count, and sighed with a heavy heart.
She didn’t hear the sounds of footsteps approaching, until they were nearly on top of her, and was surprised to see both Duo and Heero at the doorway.
"Hey, come on, we gotta hurry up and get you out of here!" Duo yelled to her from across the room. "The rest of their troops could be here any minute."
"What happened to the others, Noin and my brother?" Relena asked, worriedly, her tone compounded by the expression of anguish on Heero’s face.
She immediately rushed to his side, fear getting the better of her as she noticed the blood staining his face and neck. Throwing her arms around him, she was shocked to hear him cry out in pain.
"Heero! What is it? What’s the matter?"
Fear had completely taken over as she realized how cold he was, his body trembling at even her faintest touch. She could feel his weight bearing down on her, as the strength seemed to completely drain from his body, and searched his face in the hopes of finding an answer. His eyes were squeezed shut, and his jaw clenched tightly, leaving him with an inability to prevent the pain from reaching his features.
"Duo, what happened?" Relena asked, tearing her gaze from Heero’s face only long enough to blink back her tears.
"I don’t know, but he needs a doctor, and we gotta blow this joint before they start busting down the doors."
"We all won’t make it." Heero stated, almost too faintly to be heard.
He could scarcely speak, his breathing turning to a series of quick, uneasy gasps, as he clung tighter to Relena’s body, waiting for the spasm in his side to ease up even slightly.
Her eyes sought out his own, and for a brief moment, he let the soldier slip away as their eyes met and he tenderly brushed her cheek with the back of his hand.
I need so
To stay in your arms, see you smile, hold you close
And now it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and a bone-chilling cold
"I want you to go." He whispered, softly. "Stay with Duo, he’ll get you out…to somewhere safe."
"I’m not leaving…" She answered, the tears hugging her pale cheeks. "I won’t."
"I’ll hold them off here, until I know you’ve made it out safely. I’ll follow you when I can…"
She was about to speak when the sounds of footsteps could be heard racing into the room just below them. She knew the chances of the enemy troops finding the hidden passageway out of the mansion were slim, but also knew that if they did, thousands of civilians would lose their freedom, if not their lives.
"There is no time to argue, Relena…" He finished, the last words spoken with the distinction of pain. "You have to go, now."
Pushing her toward Duo, the two comrades shared an exchange of silent understanding, as Duo nonchalantly pulled a small handgun from the inner pocket of his Preventer jacket.
"You’ll have to look after her, now." Heero stated, quietly, meeting Relena’s eyes one final time.
In that moment, a thousand unspoken words came to his mind, in a whisper of promises about the things they would never have the chance to share or do, and he held every one of them to his heart as his lips came down upon her own.
"Believe in me…" He whispered, as he broke from their embrace, reciting the words not spoken since that fateful day when Libra nearly destroyed the Earth. Those words had stood as a symbol of faith in the struggle for peace, and as a soldier's commitment to fight for an end to all battles.
By the time she opened her eyes, she and Duo were making their escape, and her Perfect Soldier was already gone.
I was just wondering if you’d come along
Tell me you will
END
Okay, tell me honestly…DID IT SUCK!?! I know it was excruciatingly long, I don’t know why…it just made up its mind that it was gonna be, and WHAMMO! So, please leave a review, because I am so totally wondering what you all thought of it! If anybody actually stuck around until the end, that is…Hello? Anybody?