Consciousness 3/?

Gin Ryo no Nari

Standard Disclaimer

She had a head start but if it was Relena he knew where she was headed.

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Relena was feeling much too old tonight. She thought back to before, before trade negotiations depended on her stamp of approval, before new colonizing projects needed her mediation on their behalf, before men, women and children listened with keen ears to her speeches and before the fate of the world rested on her shoulders. She looked up at the stars; she could see at least two of the colonies floating in the silence. Just a little higher in the sky and to her left the half moon was glowing brightly. The stars were out but only some of the brightest were visible due to the light coming from the windows of the ballroom and the exterior lights. When she would come out here, normally twice, if not three times as many stars were visible. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly hoping it would take part of her stress with it. In the silence that had wrapped itself around her she heard someone else breathing, she tensed up on the carved cherry bench she sat on. ‘Well if it’s an attacker, they already know I’m here, and if it’s Heero --If it’s Heero, he’ll be shocked but he will at least come out.’ “Heero,” she said softly, only silence answered. “Heero!” Her voice sounded very loud to her ears, but to her relief he stepped out from behind a maze wall.

Heero heard Relena take a deep breath and exhale before it became very silent. After a moment he thought he heard her say his name. Perhaps five seconds passed and she called his name rather loudly. He stepped out from his hiding place and saw her sitting on her favorite bench. She smiled tightly at him before she closed her eyes and let her face relax to a frown. “You called?” Heero attempted wryly.

“No, just confirming...” She opened her eyes again, “Since you’re out here, would you like to join me?” Heero noticed there was a tone of weariness in her voice that had not been present in it about a half-hour ago. What had happened with those diplomats? He sat down at the other end of the bench; her behavior was making him a little nervous.

For a little while silence filled the air, Heero was going to ask Relena a question but she turned to face him and looked at him intently. “Heero, what has this “peaceful” world given you?” Relena’s voice sounded like she was on the verge of crying.

Heero sat and thought about what she was asking before he replied, “It has given me comfort.” He looked at her questioning expression, “The innocent have little to fear, they are safe from danger.”

“But Heero--What do you have? What is yours thanks to this peace that you fought so hard to create--.” He didn’t hear her finish in a whisper, “the peace that I’ve sold my dreams to maintain,” in the thick silence. “You said, in the Barton Fortress that you didn’t want to kill anyone ever again. Yet --you are a Preventer now.”

Heero could tell she was starting to feel frustrated. “My main assignment is protecting you.”

Relena was becoming angry with the man sitting next to her. “But you can’t always protect me without killing someone --and I’m not even your primary assignment, I’m secondary. Intelligence gathering and infiltration are your primary assignments. When you are sent to-“

“Relena. One. I spend more time making sure you are safe. And we capture most attackers without killing them. Two. I’ve done remote intelligence gathering, since I’ve become your guard. All together that means I don’t hurt anyone unless they are a threat to you or they capture me.” He noticed her aqua blue eyes were starting to shimmer with angry tears. “Relena I prefer not to fight. It helps me to move on. To move beyond the pilot I was five years ago. This work --If I hurt someone, if I kill someone-- it is because there is no other choice left. I prevent the people from destroying the peace you have achieved and maintained.”

By now Relena was shaking due to a mixture of frustration and emotional pain. Heero took his tuxedo coat off and placed it over her shoulders before turning her face to his. “Heero,” Relena whispered, “what is the logic behind trying to destroy something that so many people want?” Her voice sounded so tired. “Why is it, that there are so few who can maintain that which everyone wants? And why is it so easy for those who want to rule as a dictatorship and take it all away--why is it so easy for them to foul everything up?”

Heero didn’t know what to say and her eyes seemed to be begging him for an answer. “I don’t know. I’ve seen what power does to people, I’ve seen the lust for it suck the humanity from them and leave them as shells of what they were. --A long time ago there was a saying that those best suited to rule were those who desired it the least. Maybe that is why it is so hard to maintain and protect it.”

Relena looked at the young man before her, he had always been honest with her, he gave her no false hope but he did provide insight that she wouldn’t have any other way. She also realized that, in his own little way he was trying to cheer her up. She had come to realize, in the almost four years he had been her guard, that when she was at her most frustrated he had started to lend an ear. “Thank you Heero,” she thought she heard the soft strains of music floating on the wind. Halfway joking and trying to lighten the mood she smiled at Heero as she stood up, “I don’t suppose you would want to dance one dance before I have to go back to my duties at the party?” She smiled one more time before heading back towards the palace.

‘Ask Relena to dance…’ Duo’s voice echoed in his memory. Heero stood and reached out grabbing her hand and easily pulling her back towards him. "What you really mean is you don’t want to go back to the political double speak.” He put a hand on her back and brought the hand holding hers closer to them as they danced. “I’ll be kind to you this time and help you procrastinate doing the inevitable.”

Relena gave him a curious look, “Since when did you start to develop a sense of humor Mr. Yuy?” She raised an eyebrow, when she leaned away from him she gave him a suspicious look, “Or are you some sort of imposter?”

Heero glared at her, “I’ll kill you,” he said softly.

Relena started to giggle, “That’s what all the assassins say,” he glared at her again, “but I guess only one man can say it the way you do. So I guess I’m safe.”

Heero’s mind quickly interpreted her response two ways, ‘1. She’s safe because I’m her bodyguard and I’ll protect her, 2. She’s safe because I wouldn’t kill her.’ Relena took in his expression and smiled again.

To be continued

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