What If?
By Lady Saffir
DISCLAIMER: If you know'em, I don't own'em.


Quote:"Good-byes make you think. They make you realize what you've had, what you've lost and what you've taken for granted."

"It's so sad that the story of your life has such a horrible plotline."
-Lady Saffir

"Excellent wretch! Perdition catch my soul but I do love thee! And when I love thee not, chaos is come again."
-Othello

*************************

Many choices are made in our life. The clothes we wear, the food we eat, the people we associate with - each is a conscious decision. The simpler choices in life, as it were. But what happens with the other choices, the choices that we aren't completely aware of making. Is it the Freudian Id, a drive that causes us to act in ways that we don't understand? Or is it Fate, Destiny - whatever you wish to call it. Or perhaps it is the 'what ifs' in life, the decisions that will forever alter our life, and we will never know what could have been.

What if. Possibly the most famous phrase in the English language, encompassing everything from the 'what if' of grades, to something more serious.

Like relationships.

What if, in each life, a single soul mate appears with us, leaving only the matter of finding our partner. Or perhaps two appear, similar in manners, yet separated in age, one dying before the other, leaving us with having met both in one lifetime.

But what happens when both are similar in age and mannerisms, and having met both at the same time, we are forced to make a decision. Happy with both, but unable to share one life with two people. Do we remain friends with one, and stay with the other, or cast both out, fearing the wrong decision, afraid of being forever lonely, always asking one thing:

What if.



*****************************


"I'm not sure how I came to be where I am in life. At what certain point did I start down this path, and didn't somehow realize it?"

"Are you asking me?"

"No, no. I 'm just trying to prepare you for the cosmic joke that is my life."

"Then by all means, continue. I do so love a good joke."

A moment of silence passed, followed by a long sigh from the first speaker.

"Well? Are you going to start, or are we just going to sit here and stare at the scenery?"

"Fine, I'll start. Has anyone ever told you how impatient you are?"

"All the time."


*****************************


I suppose that all of this started when I was a child, as cliche as it may sound. My family and I had just moved to a new neighborhood, three states away from the place of my birth. I was quite afraid that I wouldn't have any friends, sure that the local children would cast me out.

My parents had sent me outside to play in the backyard while they, and my older brother Milliardo, did the major unpacking. I remember the day clearly, even though I was only six. I had been wandering about the yard, kicking the grass when I saw this head pop around the corner of a bush. The rest of his figure emerged, revealing - what I thought at the time - was an extremely tall boy, with this wild dark brown hair and the deepest blue eyes I've ever seen.

"Hi, I'm Heero, I live next door."

I could only stare for a second. Maybe I could have friends after all.

"Um...I'm Relena, I just moved here."

"Really? I never would have guessed."

I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that, because the two large trucks on the street clearly said 'moving trucks', but I decided to let it go for the moment.

"So, um...you wanna play?" I was desperately hoping he said yes.

Heero shrugged. "I guess, but we're not gonna play dollies or house or anything stupid like that."

Happy to oblige, I followed him to the next yard, only to find another boy sitting in what looked like mud.

"Heero! I thought you said we were gonna play war! How can we play war if there's a GIRL here?"

Again, Heero shrugged, turning to look at me. "That's Duo. He's seven, and I'm nine. How old are you?"

"Six an' a half," I answered, daring him to make something of it.

"I guess you can play, but don't cry if you don't like it," he warned, stalking over to Duo.

"I can handle it!" I declared, joining them. "So, what are we doing?"

Duo looked up, an unfamiliar expression in his eyes, that I would later come to equate with trouble.

"We're playing war."

"And how do we do that?" I asked hesitantly, looking to Heero for answers. Which explains why I never saw it coming.

"Like this!" Duo yelled, slinging a handful of mud directly at my face.

I couldn't help the few tears that leaked out at the unexpected shock.

"No crying," Heero warned, already bending down to scoop his own mud bomb into being.

Duo, who was laughing at the 'little baby girl', suddenly found himself plastered to ground, a screaming banshee sitting on his chest.

"I'm not little!" I screamed, cramming a handful of mud into his mouth. Something hit the two of us and we turned to see Heero laughing.

"I got you both!"

Indeed it was the start of a beautiful friendship as we chased each other about the yard, plastering each other and ourselves with mud. Which explains the state Milliardo found me in.

"Relena!"

I whirled at my name and saw my seventeen-year-old brother standing there, his jaw practically on the ground.

"March," he ordered, pointing a finger at our new home.

"See you tomorrow!" I called to Heero and Duo, ignoring Milliardo's protests as I grabbed his hand and began swinging it back and forth. Two new friends in one day - what more could a girl ask for?



The next day I met Gloria Yuy, Heero's mom. A petite woman with dark brown hair, it was obvious where Heero got his baby blues. I instantly fell in love with her. She said she hated being called 'Mrs. Yuy', and insisted that I either call her Gloria or mom. She didn't mind that I loved to play in the mud, and she always had the best snack food around.

Just as it was obvious where Heero's eyes and hair came from, his father's features and personality explained the rest. Hitori Yuy was purely Japanese, from his looks to his personality. He was quiet, and quite stern when it came to his son's behavior. At first I couldn't see how 'mom' had married him, but the older I got, the more I saw the little gestures in their relationship.

Duo lived on the other side of Heero, in this huge brick house that looked like a mansion to me. It has six bedrooms, which is good, because Duo has four other siblings. His baby sister, Helena, is one, and tries her hardest to follow Duo around. His next sister, Elena, is fourteen and is so pretty I instantly decided that I wanted to look like her when I grew up. Finally, there's Julian, the oldest at seventeen. He plays football in the fall and soccer in the spring, and is really smart on top of that.


***************************

My most cherished memory of Heero and Duo still has the power to make me smile, with little tingles of warmth spreading throughout my body.

The guys had lost an ice cream eating contest with me, whiCh meant I got to choose our next game. For months now I had been playing 'guy games'. Not that I really minded, but there was a marked lack of girls in the neighborhood that was causing a major cramp in my princess playtime.

So when I won, I immediately knew what we were going to play. And the guys had to go along with whatever I wanted - I had made sure that both Duo and Heero's moms had heard the deal, so they had to play. It was the best afternoon of my life.

I ran home to get my princess outfit my grandmother had made for Christmas, while Heero's mom tried to scrounge up some suitable knight outfits.

When I came back, I couldn't help giggle at the picture the two of them made. Heero was wearing a silver top that had been part of his astronaut suit for Halloween, with aluminum foil wrapped around his legs to complete his suit of 'armor'. Duo had been Robin Hood for Halloween, so he was wearing that outfit. Both were glowering at me when I smiled at them.

"Good! Now, Heero, you're the knight in shining armor that has to rescue me from the really bad guy that took me," I lectured, pointing to Duo, who immediately protested.

"But I wanna be the good guy!"

Heero retaliated before I could think of a good argument.

"No. It's my yard, so I'm the good guy."

Duo couldn't complain with that logic, so they both waited for me to climb into the treehouse. When I was ready, I leaned out the window, calling, "Heero! Save me!"

TheY both took that as a cue to start fighting, Duo with the wooden sword that came with his costume, and Heero with the lightsaber his uncle had sent.

I watched both of them run around the yard fighting. They had seen movies were swordfights involved lots of big swings and jumping back and falling down, and each did so many times during their battle. By the time Heero knocked the sword from Duo's hand, they were both covered in dirt and mud - especially their backsides.

Heero came to the base of the tree and repeated the words I told them they had to say.

"I saved you princess. The bad guy is gone and you have nothing to fear any longer."

That bit Milliardo had taught me when we first started playing princess and knight.

I climbed down from the tree and jumped Heero, proclaiming, 'My Hero! You saved me!"

Heero simply nodded and was starting to unwrap the foil when my next words hit him.

"Now for the best part. The knight in shining armor has to go with the princess and have tea and cookies with her."

"No."

"Yes," I stamped my foot, "you do. Since she got kidnapped and you saved her, she gets whatever she wants, and she wants to have tea and cookies with her knight, so YOU'RE HAVING COOKIES!"

Heero looked at me then sighed, grabbing my hand to lead me into his kitchen. His mom looked up at our entrance, taking in the state of Heero and Duo's clothes, as well as Heero's glum face.

"What's wrong?" She teased. "Did the knight not save the girl?"

Duo, sensing a moment to rib Heero without catching any flack, replied for him.

"He won (even though he cheated!) but now I'm glad 'cuz he has to have tea and cookies with Relena!"

"Shut up, Duo!"

Heero glared at Duo, as did I, because he made my game sound silly. Mom's lips twitched as she looked between us.

"How about we all have some cookies, then you two will watch whatever the princess picks out. Would that work?"

We all thought about it then nodded in unison.

"You better not pick something 'girly' out though, or I'm never talking to you again," Heero muttered as his mom served our ice cream.


***************************************

"Are we going to go through your entire childhood?"

"Hmm? Oh...no, I just wanted you to understand that since I've known Heero and Duo, we've always been close."

"Humph. Well then, can we get to the good parts as soon as possible? Or do you feel the need for another trip down memory lane?"

"This entire exercise is a trip down memory lane."

Sigh.

"Very well. I imagine that I can stand a bit more."

****************************************


Junior high was almost a slap in the face. Elementary school had given the impression that the school system was easy. Sitting in homeroom that early September morning, pen tightly clenched in hand, I questioned the wisdom of telling Milliardo that he was wrong about how hard junior high would be.


Lunch came with great relief. I had known only a few people in my morning classes, and they were only acquaintances. I had met a few girls that seemed to be nice, but only time would tell. For the moment, I was more concerned about finding Duo.

Jostling through the lunch line, I managed to snag something that looked vaguely edible. I hurried to pay the cashier, then stopped at the sight before me. The cafeteria was packed, kids moving and careening against each other.

My heart sank. There was no way I could find a seat, let alone Duo. A rude 'move' sounded behind me. Stumbling forward, I feel directly into the arms of an angel.

"Heero!" I cried with relief, glad to finally see a friendly face. Heero would save me, I was sure of it.

"Having some problems, Relena?"

I felt a blush crawl up my neck, spreading across my face, then blushed harder because of it.

"Yeah. I can't find a seat, a friend, or Duo."

Heero raised an eyebrow, glancing down at my tray.

"Or something decent to eat. I told you to bring your own lunch. Well, you found me, so there's your friend, I can help you find a seat, and Duo's right over there."

Following the direction of Heero's finger, I saw Duo, already chatting and laughing at a table full of people.

Heero guided me through the rowdy crowd, tapping Duo on the shoulder. A hush fell over the group, a few of the girls giggling and blushing slightly.

Duo turned around, grinning at the sight of us.

"Heero man! And Rel! Where have you been? I looked all over, but you disappeared after second period. Glad to see your knight in shining armor rescued you again. Are you two going to have tea and cookies now?"

Scooting down, Duo patted the seat next to him. I could feel the redness creeping across my face again with the reference to our shared childhood. We knew there was nothing behind it, but these new people didn't. From the looks the other girls were sending me, I had a feeling they definitely thought something was up.

No sooner had I sat down than Heero began to make the situation even worse.

"Well, I have to run. Lena, you're coming over for dinner, right?"

"Um, yeah...7, right?"

Heero nodded in affirmation, then disappeared into the crowd, his tousled brown hair quickly vanishing from sight.

Silence fell for a moment before Duo was filling the space once more.

"Everyone, this is Relena, my friend I've been telling you about. She lives on the other side of Heero. She's smarter than she looks."

For that Duo earned a sharp tug on his hair, which he had allowed to grow halfway down his back. It was pulled back at the nape of his neck, and was the perfect tool for getting him to shut his mouth.

"Ouch, Rel! Lay off the hair! Jeez, can't take a joke...anyway, Relena, this is Trowa, his twin sister Catherine, Wufei, Dorothy, and Mariemaia."

I nodded and smiled as Duo pointed each person out, noticing for the first time how cute and nice some of the guys were. The girls were very nice and friendly as well, and I was pleased to find that I could talk to them without any hesitation.

The warning bell rang and we gathered our trash up, then I headed off to band with Trowa, Catherine, and Mariemaia while the others went off to their L&A classes.

LaGrange Junior High reserved fifth period as a time block for what they called 'Language and Arts' classes. Each student had a choice of band, choir, art, creative writing, and foreign languages. This would be the only class period of my day where I would mix with the older students.

Duo had chosen to take art, since he'd been drawing since before I'd ever met him. He loved to draw people, and his new favorite style was based off anime, which was also his new favorite type of show. I had pictures all over my walls that he'd drawn for me, including one with the three of us in anime style. I loved it.

Heero had joined choir on a whim that had paid off big time. His singing voice was simply amazing. Whenever I could get him to sing, which wasn't very often, the...intensity, I guess you would say, stirred something inside me.

As for me, music was my main thing. I'd begun taking flute lessons in fifth grade, and was pretty good if I did say so myself. This would be the first time I had played with people both older and better than myself. Here was to hoping I didn't make a fool of myself.



Band was the first time I met Quatre Winner. The director, Mr. Treize, had asked me to grab a stand from the equipment room, but I had no clue where to begin looking. When I finally did find it, I could only stare in dismay at the pile of stands on the floor.

"Need some help?"

The warm voice at my shoulder caused me to jump. Whirling, I lost my balance and started to fall when a hand shot out and caught me. Looking up, I found myself staring at what I thought was a god. Or at the very least, an angel.

"It looks like you do need some help," he continued, smiling warmly.

"Ah...thanks. I was just looking for the equipment room for a stand and you surprised me. I'm Relena. I'm in band. I play the flute," I added stupidly, once more cursing my fair complexion. My face had to be flaming red at this point.

My savior just smiled once more and nodded, sticking his hand out. I stared at it stupidly for a minute, then realized he wanted to shake hands.

"My name's Quatre. I'm in the band, and I play the French horn."

Ye gods, someone this hot was in band?

My expression must have shown my disbelief because Quatre laughed.

"Yes, I really am in the band. Band dork in the fall, soccer player in the spring. The guys usually don't hold it against me."

The mention of soccer made me perk up. Heero was on the soccer team.

"Do you know..."

We were interrupted by Mr. Treize, an amused smile gracing his lips.

"If you're done showing off the equipment room, Quatre, I'd like to get practice started."

Blushing once more, I ducked past Quatre, and hurried to my seat.

After practice I was trying to figure out where my next class was when Quatre mysteriously appeared at my elbow.

"Need some help?" He asked, plucking my rumpled schedule from my hands. Staring at it for a minute he then smiled.

"Come on. You've got class right beside me. Une can be grumpy, but you should like her, as long as you're halfway decent at writing. By the way, who were you going to ask if I knew?"

My mind when blank for a moment.

"Oh! Um...you play soccer, right? Well, do you know Heero Yuy?"

Quatre's smile grew.

"Heero? Yeah, I know him. We're forwards together. How do you know him? Wait - you aren't another one of those girls that chases him around, are you?"

My shocked expression must have been enough to say otherwise.

"Guess not. How do you know Heero then?"

I remembered how to close my jaw.

"He's my neighbor. We grew up together."

"That's cool. Well, here you are. If you want, wait for me after class and I'll show you where your next class is. That work for you?"

I nodded mutely, then watched as he smiled good-bye and went into his classroom. I made a mental note to pump Heero for information on Quatre later tonight.

*********************

So, what does everyone think? This will be a fairly quick story, since it's writing itself faster than I can type. The chapters will be quite long, about 15-20kb. Let me know what you think!