"All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him."
--Song of Songs 3:1

Part 2 - Relena

Relena Peacecraft set her book down with a sigh, leaning back in her armchair tiredly and staring across the living room. The novel she was trying to read didn't really interest her; it was more of a wan attempt not to be bored and lonely. She knew she shouldn't be feeling that way; she was safe and protected with a house that was currenltly full of friends that had come to visit and celebrate with her.

Relena rested her head on the back of the chair and gave a little half-smile. Celebrate...yes, all of her friends had come. The Gundam pilots--even Chang Wufei--and all of the girls, Catherine Bloom, Hilde Schveiker, Lucrezia Noin... All of them had come to congratulate her on the birth of her son, Kanya.

She was happy they had come, of course--and very glad that they'd stayed by to help her through the birth. Having them all around her had helped her make it through everything that had happened in the last few days. Today, her first day out of the hospital and home with her son, had been a hectic one--especially that morning, rushing home with the baby and getting everyone settled in to stay for a while.

Kanya had been about two weeks early, and the moment she'd gone into labor she'd called the pilot nearest her, Quatre Winner, to rush her to the hospital. Everyone else had arrived in a flurry during her hours of labor, seriously overcrowding the maternity ward's waiting room, until much later when they all squeezed into the post-delivery room to see the new baby. During the days she spent recovering in the hospital, Noin had overseen the process of getting everyone set up at the Peacecraft mansion. At least one person had always stayed at the hospital with Relena--usually one of the Gundam pilots, more than ready to protect her. Everyone had lost a lot of sleep during those days.

Relena smiled to herself. She had hoped that her well-meaning friends would take a break now that she was home safe, but it seemed that her four favorite boys were even more vigilant than ever. The moment she was in the house they'd informed her of the security measures they'd set up. Although her pregnancy had been largely nonpublic, it was still pretty much known around the world, though not formally announced. And the pilots were taking no chances that anything should happen to her or the child. At least one of them was always on duty somewhere near her; they had just about smothered her all day until she finally, in exhasperation, ordered them to give her some space. The extra guards they'd commissioned and the security system Quatre had beefed up were more than enough.

She was sure it was just because today was her first day home. Their paranoia would wear off in a few days and they would relax once they were sure no boogeymen were out to get her and her son. She smiled again; her four Gundam boys were so sweet. It was a blessing to have friends like them.

They had been there for her constantly, wonderfully, all through the long months of waiting. Duo was her protector, Quatre her confidant. The others were always there, too, always ready to help no matter how far away they might be. Being a seventeen-year-old unwed mother was not easy--it was never easy. They tried their hardest to fill in for Heero--though each of them knew in his heart that they never could.

She rose from her armchair and wandered over to the desk on the other side of the living room. On it were several framed pictures, as well as a couple of Polaroid shots lying on the table that had been taken during her stay at the hospital. Many of the pictures had been snapped during moments with her friends. There was a group shot of her and the girls, all of them enjoying ice cream on a hot day. Another held her, Quatre, and Trowa Barton; Quatre was playing his violin and she and Trowa were applauding behind him.

She impulsively grinned when her eyes passed to the next one. It was of her and Duo Maxwell--one of her favorites. It had been when she was nearly eight months pregnant with Kanya; Duo and Hilde had invited her for a picnic in the country and she had cheerfully accepted. In the photo, Duo was carrying her in his arms; she was yelling at him and holding on to her hat, while he merely grinned at her. Duo's location for the picnic had proven difficult for a very pregnant young woman to reach--somewhere on top of a steep hill in a park. Hilde had suggested a different place, but Relena said she'd be damned if she let some old hill beat her, even as she'd struggled to keep on hiking despite her weariness. So Duo had unceremoniously scooped her up to carry her the rest of the way, and Hilde, laughing, had snapped the shot. What a beautiful, wonderful day that had been...

"Hey there, missy--soaking up memories?" asked a familiar cheerful voice.

Relena turned with a smile. "Duo...hi."

Duo Maxwell stood grinning in the doorway, dressed casually in jeans and a T-shirt. "Hi yourself, 'Lena. It's getting late; you should be in bed."

With a small laugh, she shook her finger at him. "Now, I thought you were the God of Death, not my daddy."

He crossed his arms and sniffed, mock-offended. "Well, maybe not, but I'm the next best thing." Then his wide smile returned. "I just made the rounds. All's quiet on the front, the system's on, and the little soldier's sleepin' like...well, a baby."

Relena sighed. "That's good. I thought I'd never get him to sleep this evening--but I managed. He'll have me up again for a feeding at two AM, though, just watch."

"You should be resting more, missy," Duo told her, coming across the room to stand near her. "Why don't you let Hilde take care of him tonight? She's offered to feed him if--"

"Thanks, Duo, but we already talked about this," Relena reminded him gently. She knew he meant well, but she was determined to go about things the natural way, including breast-feeding. It just seemed the right thing to do; her newly-formed motherly instincts wouldn't let her settle for less.

He sighed, giving her a fond smile. "Okay. But if you get worn down, you let me know the second--"

"Yes, yes, I know!" she laughed. "Lay off, will you? I won't break. By the way, who's on duty tonight? Just so I know who to yell for if something actually does happen."

"Well...Wufei, if you can believe it." Duo scratched the back of his head. "He insisted. He's on the roof right now, keeping watch. But he'll probably wander around a bit, keepin' his eyes peeled."

"Oh." Relena blinked. Chang Wufei--the tough martial artist, the ever-strong Wufei--had insisted on taking the first watch to protect her? Now that was a surprise.

"Trowa's out prowling the grounds," Duo continued. "I'm not sure where. He'll be back in a few minutes but he wants to go out and check on things periodically. Oh, and Quatre was still fussing with the security cameras when I left him."

"You guys are paranoid."

"Naw, that's only if nobody's really out to get you," he remarked. "In your case, missy, any number of wackos could be waiting just outside the gates."

"Duo...nothing will happen." She didn't voice what both of them knew--what they had known for months. Heero was nearby. He was always nearby. He would not allow anything to happen.

"Alright, alright! So we're being a little paranoid. It's just 'cause we care. Y'know, you still ought to head up to bed, 'Lena," Duo reminded her gently, touching her arm. "I'll walk you up. It's been a long day, and you can put that 'invincible Relena Peacecraft' mask on all you like, but I know you're tired."

"I'm fine, Duo, really. I just need some time to get settled again." She gave him her best confident smile.

"Sheesh, girl, you're as bad as Heero sometimes," Duo scolded fondly. "Always the trooper. Okay, then...I'll leave you be. I'm right across the hall from your room, remember? Give a yell if you need anything--anything at all. But don't stay up too late--you hear me?"

She saluted him. "Yes, Captain Maxwell. Am I dismissed?"

"Smartmouth," he laughed, then kissed her forehead. "G'night, missy. You take it easy."

She hugged him in return. "Good night, Duo."

He paused in the doorway to wave and flash her another of his contagious grins before he disappeared into the hall and up the stairs.

With a sigh, she smiled and turned back to the desk. Dear, sweet, rowdy Duo; he was always there for her, always watching out for her, especially since Heero had gone. He was the brother that Milliardo could never hope to be, protective without being overprotective, kind and understanding in his boisterous, playful way. Hilde was a lucky young woman to have the love of a guy like him.

Duo had been a rock for her during the long, indeterminate hours she'd been in labor. The irrepressible American pilot had felt it his duty to stand in for his best friend. He had been cheerful for the whole thing, his ready smile and eager voice helping her through those times when she'd thought she couldn't go on. He'd gotten her to smile with his wisecracks, and encouraged her with memories of Heero and how proud of her the Perfect Soldier would be if she could do this. She'd laughed so hard she'd nearly cried when, between contractions, he had praised her for doing the one thing that Heero could never do--have a kid--and for standing up to all of this work better than Heero ever could. Why, he was sure she'd finally beaten the Perfect Soldier at the pain game.

Her eyes returned to the photos, this time the more recent ones sitting on the tabletop. They were the ones that were definitely going into Kanya's baby book; her family and friends, all gathered for her son's birth. There were pictures of her, all tired and sweaty, some before Kanya was born and some after--unflattering ones, yes, but invaluable all the same. There were photos of her friends oohing and aahing over the newborn--everyone but Hilde, who was behind the camera. The girl was an avid believer in the preservation of memories, so she'd shot rolls getting pictures of everyone and everything that day. But she had managed to convince Duo to take over a few times, so she could get into the memories herself.

There was the picture of everyone around her bed, cheering as she'd declared her new son's name: Kanya Peacecraft. In honor of Heero, she'd chosen a name in his native tongue--Japanese. Kanya meant "peace," and the moment Heero heard it he would know and understand. She knew he would approve.

There was even a picture of Wufei, one that captured perfectly the expression on his face when he and the others had leaned down to look at Kanya. The Chinese pilot was actually gracing the infant with one of his impossibly rare nice smiles.

That day, just a few hours after his birth, Kanya had four young uncles wrapped around his little finger. Duo had been the first to hold him, happy as a clam with his tiny new "nephew" cradled in his arms. He almost looked misty-eyed. She still vividly remembered his words.

"He's got your eyes, 'Lena--but I'll be damned, he looks exactly like Heero! Without a doubt, this little soldier's gonna be just like his dad--I know it!"

Quatre had held Kanya after Duo. The kindly blond pilot had smiled a great wide smile and rocked the blue-eyed infant. Everyone knew that the Arabian boy would be a natural with children; he was such a gentle soul that youngsters seemed drawn to him. He was the only one of the boys to shed tears, but it was just that he showed freely the emotions that the others kept hidden away.

Quatre had passed Kanya to Trowa next. The green-eyed youth had regarded the tiny infant silently, solemnly, as was his custom, before smiling at him. It was a tiny smile, but for the quiet Trowa it was as if he'd grinned and laughed aloud.

It took the insistence of the three other pilots to get Wufei to agree to hold Kanya. The proud Chinese youth had cradled the baby with a gentleness that surprised them, and let the tiny seeking hand latch on to his finger. "He's a strong one," Wufei had declared, before quickly handing the baby on. For someone like Wufei, that was as close to an admission of fondness as one could expect--but it meant the world to Relena. They all did.

A faint noise from the baby monitor on the table near her armchair startled her. She whirled, but no other noises emerged from the device; it faced away from her, toward her armchair, its other component sitting on the table near Kanya's bassinet in her room...currently their room. She relaxed; there was no crying. Kanya had probably just made a little noise in his sleep and triggered the monitor. She would be up to check on him soon. She turned back to the table one more time.

One of the framed photos on the desk, one towards the back, caught her eye. It was a picture of him--of Heero. It was one of the only ones she had of him, one of the few he didn't know about; he probably would have destroyed any photograph of him he found. It was of him and Duo, with the American pilot clapping him on the shoulder and Heero drawing slightly away from him, as if surprised by the contact. It was one of the few pictures that didn't have him displaying his killing glare.

Relena touched the frame, then picked it up to look at it more closely. It was more than a year old, and both Heero and Duo still resembled the fifteen-year-old boys they had been when she first met them. Duo had been rangy, his American heritage displaying a precursor to the height and muscle he had recently achieved. Heero had always been deceptively slim; in the tank top and shorts he'd always worn, sometimes he'd seemed downright scrawny. But his lean build hid a strength she'd never seen in anyone before him; muscles that could bend steel and a body that could achieve the impossible. She wondered if he'd changed in the months since she'd last seen him.

She never understood why he had so utterly disappeared from her life. Even Trowa's report that the Perfect Soldier was guarding her from afar only confused her more. It hurt, too, to know that he was so close--just out of her sight--yet he would not come to her. What kept him away? Why did he not come? Was he angry with her? Or was he afraid? She didn't know. She couldn't know. He'd never said a word to her, not even when she'd told him she was pregnant. That flash of wild shock in his eyes was the only indication of his emotion she'd had that day. Other than that, his mask was perfect. He'd simply...walked away.

Taking her heart with him. She had collapsed when he was gone, crying harder than she could ever remember, feeling so alone. It was Duo who found her--Duo, who'd been the first to know, the first she'd told, he and Hilde. Duo found her like that and held her until she was herself again, until she was stable again. Friendly, sweet, wonderful Duo...he and Hilde were her lifesavers. It was through their help and support that she'd managed to stay sane all this time. All the time when she'd wondered, over and over, Why is Heero gone? Why won't he come back to me?

She gazed at Heero's face in the photo, at the slightly surprised expression caught there. The picture had managed to capture the difference, the wildness of him. A creature a little beyond human, not quite used to human contact--always the Perfect Soldier--those impossibly blue eyes a veil that hid an inscrutable depth behind. He had given her a few tiny peeks behind his veil; a few small, almost indecipherable hints into the strange wild creature that was Heero Yuy. She'd loved him when she hardly knew him; she'd loved him even more when she began to understand him. And she missed him...

She was surprised when a tear hit the glass of the picture frame, distorting his face. Come on, Relena Peacecraft, she scolded herself. Why are you getting all sappy on your first day home?

She sighed. Duo's right. I am tired; I shouldn't make it any worse by staying up all night obsessing over the past. I have a son to take care of, now; I can't dwell on yesterdays and might-have-beens.

Tired, Relena wiped her eyes, then the glass with her nightgown sleeve and set the picture back down. Her body was still weary and sore from childbirth, and long months of pregnancy and hormones had left her emotions frazzled as well. No wonder she was being uncharacteristically sensitive. The ragged edges of post-partum blues still bothered her, too. With yet another weary sigh, she walked back to her armchair and sat down, picking up her book.

She didn't know exacty why she noticed the baby monitor when she did. She was reading the novel when she seemed to glance at it out of the corner of her eye. It was then that something clicked in her mind. The indicator light on the monitor--it was glowing, showing that the receiver was still operating. But the light was red, not green. No carrier signal was being received from the transmitter--the transmitter in Kanya's room.

Her heart did a chilly flip-flop in her chest. Quickly, she set her book down and exited the living room, walking rapidly and determinedly toward her bedroom. She didn't cry out, and she didn't run; she didn't want to alarm anyone yet. It might just be that the batteries had somehow worn out or the transmitter had broken down.

But for some reason, the cold fingers of panic that gripped her heart insisted that something was wrong. It was that mother's instinct she had developed very quickly over the course of her pregnancy, an instinct that she had learned to trust.

She reached her bedroom door. All was silent within. She turned the handle and opened the door, and was greeted with a cold breeze from a window that shouldn't have been open. She gasped aloud, rushing to the bassinet by the window wall, her eyes taking in the baby monitor that was dead--switched off.

She nearly cried with relief when she made it to the bassinet. Kanya was still there, sound asleep, his blankets tucked warmly around him to ward off the chill of the open window. She stroked the downy dark hair on his head, giving a deep sigh.

Then she noticed something else in the bed with her son. Picking the object up, her hands registered fluffy softness before she brought it up into the light coming in from the hallway.

It was a small, soft teddy bear, handsome brown with tan trim. A red and green plaid ribbon was tied in a pretty bow around the bear's neck, with a bell tied into the bow--a jingle bell that, oddly, did not ring. She had never seen the plush toy before; briefly, she wondered where it had come from. The answer hit her like a lightning bolt.

Someone had snuck in here through the window--why else would it be standing open in the cold of winter? And only one person on Earth had the ability to get past the guards, penetrate the security system, and slip in even under the watchful eyes of four vigilant Gundam pilots. No one else could have made it through with the fierce Wufei guarding on the roof. No one else could have given the slip to Trowa, wherever he was out in the yards. No one else could have avoided all of Quatre's security cameras. No one else could have somehow jimmied the alarm on her bedroom window, with Duo right across the hall. Only one person could ever do all that.

Heero Yuy. The Perfect Soldier.

"Heero..."

Her voice shook with emotion, even though the word was no more than a whisper. She clutched the bear tighter, hugging it to her. Her eyes filled with tears that she could no longer hold back as she stood near her sleeping child.

He had been here! Just a few minutes ago, he had stood in this very room. He had finally come. Their first day home from the hospital--how he must have been waiting for the opportunity! Heero had come at last to see his son. And he had brought this cute little bear for Kanya, whatever the reason--a belated birthday present, or even an early Christmas gift. How much that meant...

It was indescribable. For someone like Heero, to leave even this small toy behind as evidence of his presence... The Perfect Soldier would not dream of such a thing. On a mission it would be inexcusable. But Heero had come here for the sole reason of giving the bear to Kanya. Not the Perfect Soldier, who would have left nothing and vanished without a trace, if he would even come at all--no, Heero had done this. Heero Yuy, the one she loved.

Relena's tears dampened the plush fur of the bear. With a tiny, gasping sob, she set the soft toy back in the bassinet beside Kanya, sure that he would keep that bear forever. She managed to smile as she gazed at her son. Thank you...thank you, Heero. Thank you for showing me you still care. Thank you for letting me know you care about Kanya...and that you'll protect him. Thank you so much...

But why won't you come back to me? I'm sorry for everything...anything...please come back to me...to us...

Heero...

"I opened for my lover, but my lover had left; he was gone.
My heart sank at his departure. I looked for him but did not find him.
I called him but he did not answer."
--Song of Songs 5:6

I know this leaves you hanging but I kinda meant it to be a sad WAFFy little thing. Should I continue this? I wasn't quite sure if I should (if this is really bad) or where I should take it if I do. Please give me some opinions and suggestions! If you want to see more I have to know or else I'll think everybody hated it!