so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
and nothing else matters
Relena stared out one of the large window of her suite, eyes passing sightlessly over the world which could be her own. All she saw was a non-existent reflection in the glass. Heero's eyes looked back at her from her own mirrored image. Her hand brushed lightly over those reflected eyes, but the glass beneath her fingertips was cold, like -he- was.
A lonely sigh escaped her as she closed her eyes and rest her forehead against the glass. She missed him, longed to see him, but he was so far away; so very far. Relena's fingers curled uselessly into fists against the glass as she shook slightly. So alone... It was at times like these she wished everything would go away. She wished she could cast aside the shackles of her title, her position, and simply be.
Something akin to a smile graced her lips as she straightened her back and brushed the back of her hand across her eyes. While she was deprived of being a child, she could never give up who she was. It was all she knew, and she lay her trust in that. Nothing else mattered.
Perhaps if she told that to herself enough times, she would believe it herself.
never opened myself this way
life is ours, we live it our way
all these words i don't just say
and nothing else matters
As she opened her eyes again, her smile faded again. She had never felt this vulnerable before, never stood to loose so much of herself before. If she agreed to the offer to join the Romefeller Foundation, she would no longer be herself. All she would be would be Queen Relena, pretty figurehead and pawn; unable to act simply for her own desires.
Life should belong to the one who is living it, but hers never belonged to her. Relena frowned slightly, shaking her head. No, she chose this life by her beliefs. She knew the fate she would have when she ascended the throne of the House of Peacecraft. As Princess, she sacrificed her feelings of her own free will in the name of peace.
A sheen of tears glimmered in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. The child within her, the child denied, screamed against its prison, cut off from expression and slowly dying.
Relena stared resolutely out the window, fists tightly clenched to keep from trembling. All that mattered was peace; not her, not her own feelings, nothing. Peace must be achieved. And nothing else mattered.
trust i seek and i find in you
every day for us something new
open mind for a different view
and nothing else matters
The door across the large room swung open silently as a young guard stepped in. He said nothing as he closed the door behind him, instead just standing at attention inside the suite.
Relena almost laughed, but did not even turn to acknowledge his presence. Duke Dermail obviously did not trust her, but that was unsurprising. The only one she ever felt trusted her, and who she could trust in return was Heero.
She continued to stare out the window, watching the faint light of pre-dawn sparkle along the edges of the horizon. Yes, she trusted Heero with her life, and he with her. He must, for he had not killed her, even though he had the chance to. What they had was something closer than the boundaries of politics. Perhaps it could be love?
A faint sparkled touched her eyes as she remained unmoved. In this world, so torn by war, their feelings did not matter. Every day brought some new problem, some new obstacle to overcome. If what she felt was love, she could not embrace it. She must be dedicated to peace, for the sake of the world and everyone in the world. Her mind must not be clouded by emotions. It was all for peace, and nothing else mattered.
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
but i know
Before she had never cared about politics. They were something that did not effect her. She had not cared what anyone did, had not cared what anyone wanted. All that mattered was her. An almost sad light entered her eyes as she raised her head slightly. It was almost depressing to know that when she had finally found someone with whom she could share her trust, when she had finally come into her own, it was all taken away from her.
"What happened?" the voice of the guard nearly startled her. She had forgotten he was there.
Relena turned and answered quietly, "No... nothing." For a moment longer, she looked at the guard through the dimness of the room, then turned back to stare out the window.
never cared for what they say
never cared for games they play
never cared for what they do
never cared for what they know
and i know
Her dark eyes taking in the serenity of the sleeping world, Relena stood lost in thought. She would die to protect that. She knew it in her heart. But... to live under control was something else.
Politics, which had never concerned her before... before she had met Heero, before her father had died, before this war began... Politics were her life now. She had to force herself not to care what they said, not to care what they did. All she could allow herself was her belief in her cause, and forget everything else. She had to become a puppet to protect this calm, innocent world, but could she say the words...?
A faint trill of birdsong interrupted her thoughts, and her eyes glittered under heavy feeling. She had to. Mustering her strength, she turned back to the guard. "Will you tell Duke Dermail that I will accept his offer to be the Romefeller Foundation's representative?" Relena said in a firm, unwavering voice, though she was trembling inside. She stood straight and determined, looking proudly at the young man.
The guard bowed respectfully, then exited the suite, shutting the door
behind him.
so close no matter how far
couldn't be much more from the heart
forever trusting who we are
no nothing else matters
Once again alone, Relena remained unmoving, frozen by the implications of her own words. She had accepted, her fate was sealed. But she was Relena Peacecraft. She did what she did for the sake of peace. And nothing else mattered. Nothing else... Her hands quivered.
"Are you sure, Relena Peacecraft?" she whispered softly into the empty room. Relena slowly turned back to face the window. Dawn cracked over the horizon, casting a warming glow upon the world. A new day, a new hope for peace... no nothing else mattered.
Relena Peacecraft smiled.