Missing by a Mile

By the Black Rose

“You could miss your true path by the width of a hair, but that is the same thing as missing by a mile.”

AN: I know, I’m a slacker.  What can I say?  I’m still working on this (when it lets me), and I do know exactly how it ends…. *laughs* I’ve even put together the ‘soundtrack’ for the fic – including for the parts not yet written (yes, I believe I left the path of sanity loooooong behind me).  ANYWAY, one of the worst feelings in the world is knowing exactly where you’re going with a fic and just not being able to write it.  I’ll get it, though.  I come to this place in every fic, and I always get through it – it just takes a while sometimes.  Sorry for the long wait.  If you haven’t checked it out, the first chapter of the sequel to Dangerous Games, called Deadly Pasts, was posted today.  Thanks to everyone who’s still reading!  Love, Rose

Chapter 20

            Heero arrived back at the Peacecraft mansion and frowned at the eerie silence as he walked through the rooms on the first floor.  Yes, Sundays were always quiet, but even that loud-mouthed stand-in was nowhere to be found, and security was supposed to be tighter now due to the manufactured death threats Heero had arranged. 

            “Dammit, where is he?” the Preventer growled as he pushed open the door to the kitchen, Duo’s favorite spot..  Instead, he was greeted none-too-cheerfully by Pagan.

            “Ah, Master Yuy.  And so you’ve arrived to do your duty once again.” The butler glanced up from washing his hands in the sink.

            “Where’s Maxwell?”

            “Yes, Mr. Maxwell left for the evening already.  Miss Relena has subsequently been at risk most of the day.” He turned off the water and dried his hands on a kitchen towel before turning fully around to face the bodyguard.

            “Hn.”

            The older man arched an eyebrow. “See to it that doesn’t happen again.”

            Heero’s eyes narrowed, but he managed to spit out a reply, “I’ll…see to it.”

            A small smile touched Pagan’s lips.  “Very good.  I’ll have dinner sent up to you in an hour.”

            Heero nodded then moved to exit the kitchen, but hesitated in the doorway.  “You know that if you poison me, she’ll be left unprotected.”

            A heavy sigh was heard being expelled.  “Yes. I know.  That doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”

            “Hn.”

            He took the steps two at a time only to come face to face with the door to her room.  He ran a hand through his disheveled mane and started to knock, but his discussion with Trowa suddenly came to mind - causing his hand to freeze before making contact.

“Candy and flowers won’t undo the damage you’ve done.  You’re going to have to dig deeper than that.”

What damage have I done?  We had a nice evening. No, we didn’t sleep together, but that’s still a possibility… She seemed…happy, until we returned to the house, and I couldn’t say the ‘L’ word, but that’s not really damage, is it?

He frowned at the door, and then finally knocked.  Maybe by now she’s passed the whole ‘L’ word thing and we can… He smirked as his mind conjured up the feel of her beneath him in the back of the car – her body pressed against him, so warm and soft, while whispered sounds of pleasure escaped her lips…

            He crashed back down to earth when he realized she hadn’t answered.  He pounded harder against the wood panel.  “Relena!”

            Still no reply.  He scowled, feeling his pulse suddenly quicken as the idea that perhaps something had happened to her raced into his mind.  “Dammit, Maxwell, if someone….” He heard a faint sound coming from somewhere inside the room.  She was in there.  Why wouldn’t she let him in… or say something?

The most logical reason surfaced in his brain.  She’s hurt, and can’t let me in. “Relena?  Relena!”

With that thought, a sense of panic ripped at his heart.  He took a determined step back and flew at the door, slamming his shoulder into it with a vicious blow.  A heavy CRACK resounded through the hallway when the wood splintered at the hinges, and he quickly tore the barrier aside.

            He rushed in and found her just on the other side of the ruined door, eyes wide, but unharmed.

            “Heero Yuy, what on earth!” He could see the blood rise to her cheeks giving them that rosy…irate look he was becoming accustomed to.

            He stared at her blankly as the realization sunk in - she was mad at him. 

“You didn’t answer.”

            “Yes, I didn’t answer.  I didn’t want to talk to you.  You’re not supposed to go and break the damn door down!” Her hands came up to rest on her hips as she glared daggers at him from only a few feet away. 

            He blinked at her expression.  He didn’t understand what she was so mad about.  “You could have been injured.  Maxwell’s been gone.  I…”

            She looked away.  “Yes, yes, anything to protect me.  As you can see, I’m fine, so get out.”

            “You’re angry.”

            She crossed her arms and turned her back to him. “Yes, I am.”

            “Are you going to tell me why?”

            “I think the answer should be obvious.”

            Heero’s mind worked to try and figure out what was so obvious about the situation.  One thing was clear, if she didn’t answer his knock because she didn’t want to speak to him, then it couldn’t be… “It’s not the door?”

            That got her to turn around and at least look at him.  She gaped, open-mouthed in his general direction before pursing her lips in a tight line.  “No, Heero.  It’s not the door.”

            He waited for a second, thinking perhaps she’d enlighten him, but she refused to meet his eyes.  “Hn.”

            “Leave.”

Relena’s voice sounded hoarse; determined not to distress her further, he backed away and stepped out into the hall.  He turned, trying to slow his retreat and decide if this conversation was truly over.  

It wasn’t.  But the next words to meet his ears caused him to freeze in place, his heart wounded as if she had pricked it with a knife.  “You’re dismissed.”

            He turned around, and stared at her back.  In all the time…she had never ‘dismissed’ him; that was something reserved for servants only.  She had been the one to show him kindness, to treat him as an equal – never beneath her as so many others had done in the past. 

Pain flared and he continued his departure from her room in order to take up his post just outside her door.  He sat in bewildered silence the rest of the night…keeping vigil, as was the mission he had given himself so long ago.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

Daylight rose Monday morning, and Trowa reported in at what he considered an ungodly hour of the day.  His heart pounded steadily in his ears as he tried to anticipate the day’s events.  Sometime, someone was going to let it slip to Heero just exactly why it was he had given up his position in the Preventers, and why the bodyguard duty had been offered to the mostly absent agent six months ago.  He shook his head and stared at the front of the mansion for a moment.  But there could be no hesitation, no going back.  So, as he had done so many times in the past, he swept it all aside and tucked the guilt away for the mission. 

Life and death, truth and honor, he would give himself the same speech another time.  Right now, he had to focus…and he had to play his part.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

Heero looked up as the shadow of the tall Preventer loomed over his chosen post.  Something like a “tsk tsk” sound seemed to emerge from the depths of Trowa’s throat an instant before he began to speak. 

“It’s very disappointing.”

“Good morning to you, too.”

“You’re out here, instead of in there, with her.”

“Not now.”

The taller man slid down the wall to join his friend on the floor.  “Not now?  Her door’s been beaten down and then propped up on its hinges and you’re telling me not now?”

A growl seemed to rip itself from Heero’s throat and he glowered at the door.  Trowa threw his head back and laughed.

“I’m glad I can amuse so many of you.  I wonder what you all did for entertainment before I came back.”

Trowa sobered at that statement, his green eyes glittering with something other than humor.  It swiftly vanished, and he stood up, extending a hand towards his former comrade.  Heero accepted it and quickly gained his feet. 

“You realize that’d be a pretty sweet setup,” the acrobat said, fixing his gaze on the dilapidated door separating Relena’s room from the hallway.

Heero arched an eyebrow at his friend. “What?”

“In there, in that bed – sleeping with her.” A smirk tugged at the right side of Trowa’s mouth.  “It’d make your job easier.”

Heero frowned and turned to look at the door. “Yes.”

“The added bonus of a beautiful woman in your bed every night that absolutely adores you….”

Heero stiffened. “You seem to have given this more thought than I have.” He turned to meet Trowa’s eyes, blue steel glinting in the early morning light. 

Razor sharp emerald stared back, unyielding in their accusation.  “She’s the kind of woman you spend a lifetime with – she’s not a toy.”

Rigid silence stretched between them for several moments as Heero turned his attention once more towards Relena’s door.  Trowa crossed his arms and propped himself up against the opposite wall, watching something deeper than frustration at a failed mission tugging at his friend’s heart. 

“So, want to talk about it?”

“No.”

A short laugh escaped from the acrobat’s lips.  “Tell me anyway.”

Heero let out a long breath, then glanced at Trowa out of the corner of his eye.  “She said she didn’t want to talk to me.”

“Well, that was to be expected.”

Heero scowled.  “I didn’t expect it.”

“You didn’t think she’d be angry with you?” Trowa’s eyebrows shot up under his hair.

“No.  Our date…she seemed happy enough.” He ran a hand through his hair and then leaned back against the doorframe.  She should be getting up any moment now.

“That is until you broke her heart again.”

“Huh?” He stood up from the wall and focused on Trowa.
            “You didn’t tell her that you love her.”

Heero slumped against the wall again.  “Right.  We covered that.”

“And she wanted to hear that.”

“Yes.”

“But you didn’t say it.”

“And?” He shot Trowa another frosty look out of the corner of his eye.

“Come on, Heero, you’re not that stupid.  Certainly there’s been some women….”

Heero crossed his arms and studied the floor.  “That’s not the point.”

“So, you’re telling me there has been?” The acrobat took a step back.

“We’re discussing Relena.”

 Trowa pounced.  He grabbed Heero by the shoulders, jamming his back into the paneled wall.  The former Zero pilot’s head banged against the hard wood surface.  “Do you know that in the eight years she’s known you, she’s never once, not one single time, strayed from her absolute devotion to you, without a single promise or commitment you’d ever even come back?” He spat from between clenched teeth, then froze as he seemed to catch himself - the lines contorting his face quickly retreating behind his typical complacent mask. He released his friend. 

Heero just stared at him a moment before closing his eyes in silent resignation. “I’ve hurt her.”

“Very much so.” Trowa was no longer looking at him.  He seemed to be focused on a fixed point down the hallway near the stairs, as if lost in thought.  “In the past and in the present.”

Heero sucked in a breath, remembering the wounding words she had uttered the night before.  If he had broken her heart, how badly did that hurt?  Ten times as bad?  A hundred?  “Does that give her the right to….”

“Hurt you back?  Yes and no. I would imagine she probably wouldn’t do so intentionally, but anger can get the best of us from time to time.”

“Hn.” He hadn’t hurt her intentionally, either.  But he didn’t have anger as an excuse, only perhaps, ignorance.  Heero silently cursed Dr. J again for not training him in how to deal with women. 

No one ever said they loved me…until Relena.

“The important thing is to decide what you’re going to do about it.”

Heero looked up into serious green eyes set in a stony expression.  He nodded slightly, acknowledging the truth of the statement before asking, “What can I do?”

“Well, apologizing helps.  Trying to ‘make it up’ to her…” Trowa cocked one eyebrow up, “can be well worth the effort, depending….”

Heero caught the unsaid message.  “Well worth the effort?” His mouth quirked up into a crooked line as his heart rate picked up its lethargic pace. “Hn. How would I… ‘make it up’ to her?” He stood up from the wall and pulled himself to his full height.  Trowa wasn’t that much taller than him.

A smug smile toyed with the Preventer’s lips.  “Cold showers suck, don’t they?”

Heero threw him a black look. “Indescribably inefficient.”

“To ‘make it up’ to her you have to find something that she wants and then get it for her.”

“The trouble with that is when she’s not speaking to me, discerning the information will be difficult,” Heero said, shooting him a sly, sidelong glance.

Trowa smirked.  “Mission accepted.”

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

The front door opened, and Duo let himself in, still half-stumbling from fatigue.  Heero often wondered how the man managed to get himself anywhere in that state.

“Hey buddy,” the sleepy Preventer said with a yawn.  He brought his arms up and out in a stretching movement, but turned to stone in the midst of it as he focused bleary eyes on the other man present.  “Trowa?”

“Duo.”

The braided man was instantly alert. “Hey!  Wha…what are you doing here, er, uh pal?” A wide grin stretched his lips but didn’t brighten his eyes.

Trowa noticeably stiffened, then replied with the rehearsed line. “Security has been increased around her highness. There appears to be a threat.”

Duo pressed his lips together and rubbed his chin, using the action to mask the scathing look he shot in Heero’s direction.  “Oh, you don’t say.”

“Yes, we…” The former Zero pilot began, but was cut off by a door slamming and sharp, hurried footsteps.

“Yuy!”

Heero didn’t flinch.  He turned slowly and met the burning gaze of Relena’s older brother.  “Zechs.”

“You and Maxwell in my office, now!”

Heero straightened his posture then started off in the direction of elder Peacecraft’s office.

“Shit.  What a way to start the day,” Duo groaned and trudged off after Heero. 

Once the door was safely shut behind them, Zechs resumed his pacing - and his yelling.  “I won’t even ask, yes I will – what the hell is Trowa Barton doing here?”

Heero took in a deep breath.   He had no idea why Zechs was so annoyed or why Duo had thrown him that look back in the foyer.  Trowa’s presence should be making all their lives easier.

“There have been some threats.  Preventer headquarters assigned him to us so we can increase security.” He raised his chin and met the older man’s gaze.  “We’ll pull shifts, overlapping to double up anytime she’s traveling. That way, she’ll be safe.”

“Why wasn’t Chang or Po assigned?” Ice blue eyes seemed to flash in the overhead lighting.

“I requested Barton be given the assignment.”

“What? Are you crazy, Heero?” Duo exclaimed.

The former Zero pilot didn’t flinch at his friend’s outburst.  “Barton is reliable; he knows the mansion layout and is familiar with the security detail and kind of operation I run.  He was the most logical choice.” 

“Yeah, except for one thing,” Duo said, shaking his head slowly from side to side.

“What’s that?” 

The former Deathscythe pilot looked up and met his friend’s gaze.  Oddly serious cobalt eyes stared from beneath a pinched brow.  A sense of dread permeated the depth of Heero’s stomach.

“He’s in love with the woman you’re trying to marry.”

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

Trowa didn’t need to feel his ears burn to know they were talking about him.  He knew that he was the cause of Zechs’s scowl and spontaneous meeting.  He wondered what Heero would say…if he would say anything at all.   

It really shouldn’t change anything; he had always known where he stood with Relena.  She gave him no false hopes; she just didn’t talk about that part of her life. Trowa had tried on several occasions to break through that self-imposed barrier, but the most telling thing about her personal life was always what she didn’t say.  And she never woke up from her dream, never looked at him with that light he wanted to see in her eyes – that was only for Heero, always and forever.  She would never love anyone else.  And he could accept that.  He had already accepted it. 

But his heart was another matter.  It had disobeyed him when he told it not to fall in love – that it was a losing battle from the start.  Nights spent watching over her, days drowning in her constant light had somehow given it hope.  Hope that one day, she would realize Heero wasn’t coming back, that he didn’t love her, and that she didn’t need his love in return.  He had hoped, vainly and painfully, that she would realize her feelings didn’t run as deep in adulthood as perhaps they had seemed in her adolescence.  But he had underestimated her, as Heero must have at the young age of sixteen.  And in a vicious check of harsh reality, two years ago, he saw what he would have never believed…and what would cement his heart in its dreamless coffin. 

Heero loved her, too.

“Imbecile.” Trowa muttered under his breath. He wasn’t sure if he meant it more for himself or for Heero’s childish avoidance of the truth.  Either way…it was true.  He had no one to blame but himself; he was an idiot for falling for her.  And Heero was the biggest idiot of them all, leaving behind his heart so far from his protection…. 

He didn’t deserve her, all the heartache Trowa knew she had endured, all the feelings of insecurity and all the sleepless nights worrying over her love’s safety and happiness – happiness she would gladly deny herself for his sake. 

But for her, he’d go along with Heero’s scheme.  He was the man she wanted to be with, and Trowa only wanted her contentment.  They loved each other; he firmly believed that.  But if Yuy screwed up this chance….

Trowa’s eyes gleamed in the sunlight, sparking with grim determination.  Yes, he would help Heero, give him this last chance to make her happy…

“Trowa?” Her voice interrupted his thoughts, and he looked up to the top of the stairwell where her long-been-missing form appeared frozen as she stared down at him.  She was beautiful in one of her tailored business suits, her pale blond hair swept up into a sophisticated, if practical style.  His eyes roved over her figure as if they had been starved for the sight of her.

The corners of his mouth tucked up into a smile and he nodded at her.  She blinked, and one hand came up to rest on her lips as she tilted her head.  He couldn’t tell for sure, but it looked like a single tear escaped and trailed down one pallid cheek.  Then suddenly, she was flying down the staircase, launching herself into his arms.  He closed his eyes and just held her.

When they opened again, he was staring into three pairs of hostile eyes glaring at him from the hallway beside the stairs.  He had two paths in front of him – an open declaration of war would mean tightening his embrace and burying his face in her hair…a very tempting course of action, but one that would overtly challenge his friend.  The other was to willingly and quickly break the connection, stepping back from her in a gesture meant to convey the message ‘I didn’t mean to intrude’. 

He pulled away, pushing her to arms length as he met her eyes and smiled.

“It’s so good to see you,” she said in her quiet, melodious voice.  He merely nodded in reply.

“It has been far too long, Master Trowa.” Another familiar voice cut through the now-tense situation in the foyer.

“Pagan.”

“Yes indeed, far too long.” The old butler smiled and squeezed the Preventer’s shoulder in a fond gesture.  “Well, a young man can’t start the day without a decent breakfast.  I was just about to make the others some oatmeal, but I can always whip up some of your favorite blueberry pancakes.”

“You shouldn’t trouble yourself, Pagan,” the acrobat said, instantly falling in step with the kind old man.  Relena followed close behind.

“Nonsense.  It’s no trouble.  It will only take a moment….”

Heero watched them retreat towards the kitchen, his mind working behind the blank expression on his face. 

“I hate that guy,” Zechs growled as he watched Trowa interact with his sister.  He was holding the door open for Relena, and as she passed by, he stopped her to lean close and whisper something in her ear. She giggled. 

Duo gaped at the figure of the butler, his stomach groaning loudly at the promise of breakfast.  “Pancakes?” His expression turned forlorn.  “He gets pancakes? I lose kitchen privileges and he gets special pancakes.   Ooooh! I hate that guy!”

Heero followed the group and peered through the small square window that looked into the kitchen.  He could see her cheery face, smiling at the… “Is he my enemy?” His face darkened into a scowl – he didn’t like the way Barton was looking at her, and hated the fact that she was on speaking terms with the former Heavyarms pilot, when she was seemingly so very angry at himself.  This was not within mission parameters – Barton was supposed to be assisting his efforts, not contemplating his own conquest. 

His hands clenched at his sides.  That man had slept with dozens of women; Relena would just be another notch on his belt…. But Heero was offering her marriage, something women wanted – security, commitment, protection. 

“She’s the kind of woman you spend a lifetime with – she’s not a toy.”

What was Barton up to?  Could he just be infiltrating the enemy camp in the hopes of scoring the necessary information to set things back on course with Relena? Or was he set on ‘making things up’ to Relena himself? 

He saw wolfish green eyes rake over her form, lust pooling in their depths.  Heero’s lip twitched up into a sneer. 

“I’ll kill him.”