I do not own Gundam Wing. This fan fiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this.

Chapter 18

Heero nodded at Rashid as the robust Maguanac opened the door to allow him entrance to the mansion. He was glad he was still wearing his sunglasses, so he could ignore the sinister look the Arabic man gave him upon realizing whom he had to let in. Heero walked passed him silently, hands shoved deep in the front pockets of his jeans and went directly to the main living room where Quatre, Dorothy, Sally, and Noin were all waiting for him.

“Good morning.” Dorothy sang mockingly, a smirk dancing on her lips. “Should we even bother asking how your date went last night, or assume that your presence here this morning means you screwed up?”

“Dear, that’s not very nice. I’m sure Heero’s date went just fine,” Quatre said, smiling kindly at his friend.

Noin’s face twisted into a grimace. “Well, from what I understood this morning, it didn’t go badly, but it could have been better.” The older woman shook her head slowly. “Relena wouldn’t really elaborate, though, and I was in a hurry to get out of there before she asked me where I was going.”

Everyone turned to stare through Heero. He noticed the silence and glanced up from the floor where his shaded gaze had been resting. “What?”

“You’re not going to tell us,” Sally asked. She cocked her head to one side and swallowed a smile.

“Tell you what?”

“How the date went,” Noin prompted.

“It was fine.”

“Well then.” Dorothy folded her arms over her chest. She so enjoyed being able to put Heero on the spot. “When are you getting married?”

A low guttural growl was all that was heard from his corner of the room. Dorothy’s smile amplified into a grin. “Didn’t go that well, then.”

“I thought I was here to listen to some idea you had, not be insulted.” The former Zero pilot hissed as he stiffened and crossed his arms.

“We’re still waiting for Duo to arrive. So until then, tormenting you serves to entertain us,” the fearless blond said in a crisp tone.

“Maxwell’s not coming. He’s on duty. We’re having to tighten security measures,” Heero said and mentally noted that he should have killed her when he had the chance - in their fencing match all those years ago.

“Why, what’s wrong? Have there been threats?” Noin asked, the smile slipping instantly from her lips and worried lines hastily chewing into her expression.

“Nothing too serious, but its better to be cautious.”

“Actually, that ties in well with my idea, Heero,” Dorothy interrupted.

He glared at Quatre’s wife. “Well, why don’t you share it with the rest of us, and hope that I don’t somehow screw it up,” he suggested dryly.

“I guess that’s all we can do, now can’t we?”

“Hn.”

“Well, this particular idea occurred to me a few nights ago, when we all watched the Princess Bride, and Maxwell said that Wesley and Buttercup had gone on a date to the Fire Swamp. It was then that you, Heero, said that in that case, you and Relena had been on enough dates.”

Heero narrowed his eyes, but grudgingly continued to listen.

“And you listed off all the times you had gone to rescue her.”

“What’s the point?”

“The point is, that your most romantic moments have been realized when Relena has been in some sort of danger, and you, like her knight in shining armor, or the Man in Black, have come to save her.”

“If you call mobile suits exploding, cramped spaces, falling debris, and fearing for your life romantic…”

Dorothy rolled her eyes. “Men.”

“Dear, that isn’t fair. Just because some men are emotionally…uh, are not as in touch with their emotions doesn’t mean we’re all that way,” Quatre said, a small frown forming on his face as he managed to catch himself in time to keep from insulting his friend.

“Quatre Raberba Winner! Last Saturday, I tried to get your attention by walking into your office dressed only in saran wrap, and you didn’t even look up from your paperwork.” Dorothy turned to level a glare at her husband. A smirk tugged at her lips as she watched Quatre’s eyes grow wide and a deep blush blot his cheeks.

“Dorothy!”

Sally and Noin lost the battle to keep straight faces and dissolved into giggles on the couch.

Heero pulled the sunglasses down on his nose, watching in amusement as Quatre sputtered, visibly shocked that his wife would be so open in front of his friends.

“I hope you weren’t walking around the house like that! Rashid, Abdul, and the rest of the household do not need to see my wife dressed in plastic wrap!” His wide eyes narrowed into an uncharacteristic scowl.

Dorothy tossed her hair. “Oh, relax dear, I wore a coat around the house.”

“Hmm, you know Quatre, it’s a good thing we don’t have to pilot mobile suits anymore, if your eyesight’s that bad.” Heero smirked and continued to watch his friend squirm.

Quatre blushed. “I must have been concentrating on something really hard,” he mumbled, causing more smothered laughter from the females in the group. “What?”

Noin sat up straight and pursed her lips together, trying to contain her amusement. “Oh nothing. Please continue, Dorothy.”

Mrs. Winner cast a brief, affectionate glance over at her husband who met her eyes and reddened again. He really was adorable. She smiled and then returned her attention to Yuy. “Back to the subject at hand. The problem is that you need to soften Relena’s resolve that is built on eight years’ worth of heartache,” Dorothy paused to cast a steely glare at her ‘pupil.’ “I think that normal dating just won’t do it. The best way to lower her defenses is to have you rescue her again. We put her life in danger, then poof, you magically show up to save the day, have a romantic moment where she’s so happy to be saved from danger by the man she loves – who immediately proposes. And still giddy on the whole ‘knight in shining armor’ image, she stupidly, I mean happily accepts,” Dorothy said with a smug smile. “What do you think?”

“I’m assuming you mean we fake some sort of dangerous situation and not call up the local terrorist group asking for a favor.”

“Of course.”

“Hn.”

“What did you have in mind?” Noin asked.

“Well, I figured a staged kidnapping would be the best plan.”

“That’s original,” Heero muttered.

“Well, if it hadn’t been done before it wouldn’t make sense to do it now. It has to be a believable situation.”

“We couldn’t let anyone else know that she was gone; it would set the world off in a panic,” Sally interjected.

“We’ll have Noin tell people she’s on vacation, change up her schedule to accommodate the needed absence.”

“You have this all planned out, already?” Heero asked flatly.

“Yes, while you were working the date angle, the rest of us were planning a back up strategy for when you failed.”

“Your faith overwhelms me.”

* * * * * *

From the door to the kitchen, Duo spied the plate of fragrant, recently cooked bacon resting on the counter, and after looking both ways to see if anyone was watching, crept into the room, intent on scoring breakfast. He grabbed a few paper towels off the roll hanging over the sink and quickly stashed pieces of the mouthwatering, totally unhealthy, glistening meat into the oversized tissues. When he finished gathering what he considered to be an adequate number of strips, he picked up a stray half-piece that had fallen onto the counter, and held it to his lips, unable to resist the temptation as his stomach grumbled noisily in anticipation.

“Master Maxwell, put down that piece of bacon now, or else you’ll lose kitchen privileges for another week!” Pagan called from the doorway.

“Awww, Pagan, give a hungry guy a break! I’m on duty until after lunch, are you really going to make me starve all that time?” Duo asked, turning puppy dog eyes on the old man, but putting down the bacon strip as requested.

“Yes,” the butler replied, unfazed by the look the normally cheerful young man threw in his direction.

Trying to appear properly humbled, the would-be bacon thief gazed down at the floor. “I’m really sorry for my part in messing up your kitchen, Pagan. I should have done more to keep Heero from tearing it apart.”

“Not buying it, but good try, young Master Maxwell. If you ever give up bodyguarding, may I suggest acting as your next vocation?” Pagan said, again unmoved by Duo’s attempts to get himself out of trouble.

The Preventer looked up with a sheepish grin, and ran a hand through his bangs. “Well, you can’t blame a guy for trying, although I still maintain it wasn’t entirely my fault.”

“Duly noted.”

“Ah, well, okay. I guess I’ll go back to, uh, guarding the Princess then. See ya, Pagan.” Duo said and slipped smoothly passed the old man towards the door.

“Master Maxwell, I meant all the pieces of bacon,” the butler said in a firm voice. He held out a hand, but didn’t bother turning around to face the Preventer.

Slowly, reluctantly, Duo pulled a folded paper towel with several pieces of bacon wrapped firmly inside from the pocket of his Preventers uniform and handed it over to the kitchen guardian. He frowned at the old man and pushed open the door.

“The other one, too, if you please, Master Maxwell,” Pagan called out to the younger man, stopping him once again in his tracks.

Duo scowled and pulled another grease stained paper towel from the other pocket of his slacks and handed it, too, to the old man.

“Thank you. You may go now,” Pagan replied in dismissal.

Duo’s stomach growled at him again as the delicious smell once again penetrated his senses, and he turned to look back at the bacon one last time before exiting the kitchen.

He trudged up the steps to take his post outside Relena’s room, pausing to glance behind him halfway to the top. He took the rest of the stairs two at a time.

When he was sure the coast was clear, he pulled a third paper towel ‘packet’ from its nest inside the sleeve of his dress shirt, and eagerly attacked the bulk of the stolen strips he had tucked away.

Breakfast is served, he thought with a self-satisfied grin.

About a half hour later, Relena emerged from her room and flopped on the floor beside her longtime friend. Her eyes were just a bit red around the rim, and bags the size of a trunk steamer said that the effect was achieved from lack of sleep, instead of crying.

“Hey,” he greeted her with a smile. “So how was your date?”

Relena drew her knees up to her chest and crossed her arms around her legs. With a sigh she rested her forehead on her kneecaps.

“That good, huh?”

She looked up at him with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “It was a very nice date,” she said quietly.

“But…” He asked, his heart falling into his stomach at the look written on her face.

She glanced away. “He doesn’t love me, Duo. I really don’t understand why he’s doing this, asking me to marry him, asking me out on dates. The only thing I can figure is he enjoys hurting me.”

“No, I know that’s not true, Relena. He’s just…not normal. I really don’t understand the guy sometimes,” Duo said, trying to sound reassuring. He frowned and scratched his head. “Okay, I don’t understand the guy most of the time. Actually, if you come right down to it, I don’t think I’ve ever understood him. Not once in the eight years we’ve been, uh, whatever it is we are – friends, acquaintances, I don’t know.” He let out a sigh and his gaze wandered out into space. “I try to be his friend.”

He remembered their physical altercation from the night before, and winced at the stabbing pain in his ribs caused by a sharp intake of breath. “Sometimes, it isn’t the easiest thing to do.”

Relena genuinely smiled at Duo’s cheerfully honest assessment of the man she loved. “Yeah, I can imagine. He’s not always the easiest person to love, either.”

Duo nodded. “I can see where that might be more difficult, but then again, he doesn’t hit you.” He blinked, realizing what he just said, and his mouth worked quickly to explain. “I mean, if he did I’d kick his ass! I don’t know how, but I’d find a way…”

Relena laughed. “It’s okay. I understood what you meant.”

Her bodyguard grinned and ran a hand through his bangs. “Yeah, uh, I have a knack for rambling, sometimes.”

“Hm, I never would have guessed.” She playfully nudged him with her elbow. The laughter died instantly on her lips when she saw him wince at the slight contact. Concern saturated her soft blue eyes. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a little sore,” he replied with a short laugh.

“Let me guess, you two were fighting again.”

“Yeah,” he admitted, glancing down at the floor.

“You didn’t always get in so many fights. What’s going on, Duo? And when did he do this to you?”

“Last night, after your date. I was, uh, keeping an eye on him, well, both of you, and got really angry with him for the way he left things off with you.”

“You were spying on us?” She asked, her eyes widening as red crawled up her neck and marked her cheeks.

“Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have, but you know we’ve been trying to get him to admit his feelings for you, so I just wanted to see how things would go.”

“What did he say?” Relena grabbed Duo’s arm, snapping to attention. She quickly caught herself and inwardly chastised her lovesick behavior. Her shoulders slumped - Heero just had too strong of a hold on her heart.

Duo watched her face and saw hope ignite, then extinguish in the short span of a heartbeat. That nagging guilt ingrained by Sister Helen and Father Maxwell early in his life kicked him in the stomach. “He said he was an idiot, Relena. I personally tend to agree with him on that one.” Duo splashed a grin on his features, but it felt rubbery and false.

“Yeah, he is. But he probably only had one part of his anatomy in mind when he made that statement, and I’m not talking about his heart.” The corner of her mouth tucked up into a wry smile. “I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.”

He laughed and felt pain stab his ribs, but the vice grip of guilt eased somewhat. “Don’t think I’ll need three. I know for a fact that his shower was in use quite a bit last night, but not his hot water heater, if you get my drift.” He winked.

Relena giggled and blushed again. “It is nice to see that he finds me at least physically attractive.”

“Yeah, that much is definitely clear, I’d say.” He tilted his head and threw her one of his flirtatious looks. “He’d of course be blind not to.”

“Thank you. That’s very sweet,” she said, pink still evident in her cheeks. “What would you say if I told you to forget Hilde, I could make you King of the World?” She flashed him a sly smile.

He frowned in a mockingly serious expression. “I would make a good King, I think.” He straightened his shoulders and extended an arm in front of him. “Bow to me, lowly peasant scum.”

Relena dissolved into giggles, her arm coming up to grip his as she buried her face in his shoulder. They both laughed for a moment and then she sat up straight once again, the smile suddenly stolen from her lips by nefarious sadness.

“But my first proclamation as King would be to make that unworthy pain in the ass, Heero Yuy, your love slave.” Hmmm, he might like that.

“Duo!” She punched his shoulder lightly.

He grinned. “Ah, come on Princess, I saw the way both of you were behaving last night. You didn’t seem to mind his advances.”

“No,” she admitted quietly, dropping her gaze to the floor.

He smirked. “It’s okay, you’re old enough to be physically attracted to a man.”

“I know, it’s just, well, Pagan would be having a fit if he knew I behaved in such a manner. I’m supposed to be a lady, and make my gentlemen suitors wait until marriage.”

Duo rolled his eyes. “Well, Heero’s not exactly a gentleman, and in all fairness, that is an engagement ring on your finger.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know, it’s still embarrassing.” Relena continued to stare at the ground, attempting to count individual threads in the berber carpet.

“I can’t believe you were spying on us.” She frowned and wrinkled her nose. “Were you watching the whole time? On the beach and everything?”

“Yep! Sure was.”

Relena sighed; her head sunk back onto her knees. “I should tell Hilde on you.”

Duo’s braid whipped back and forth, his head shaking vigorously. “No, don’t, I’m already in enough trouble as it is.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”

“It’s not fair! Heero always gets me in trouble, first Pagan, now Hilde…”

“You don’t need his help, you get yourself in trouble all on your own.”

“Hey!” Duo crossed his arms and stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout.

“Well, thanks for listening. I guess I shouldn’t sit around all day feeling sorry for myself,” she said and started to get up from the floor.

“So, what’s the plan? You going to take pity on the idiot and maybe put him out of his misery?”

Relena’s jaw dropped. “Duo!”

Her bodyguard slowly got to his feet. “Hey, I’m a guy, we stick together on that sort of thing.” He threw an arm against the wall and leaned casually against it.

She looked up at him. “No, I really think it’s time to cut my losses. I don’t know how, but if I have to beg and plead and threaten to resign, I’ll get Lady Une to reassign him.” She cast her eyes towards the ground. “It’s just better this way.”

He felt dread invade his stomach, led formidably by Catholic guilt. The traitorous emotion showed enemy forces exactly where his defenses were weakest. “Relena, you don’t really mean that,” he said in a low voice.

She looked up, her eyes branding him with honest emotion. “Yes, I really do. How many times can I let him do this to me? It’s distracting, it hurts, and it prevents me from moving on with my life. I just can’t do this anymore.” She shook her head.

Duo stood up from his casual pose, the icy winter of Antarctica washing through his veins - reminding him of his stake in Heero’s plot. He hated being stuck in the middle, and wondered if polar bears would really make better friends than the former Zero pilot. They probably don’t hit as hard, he thought and unconsciously brought a hand up to his bruised and battered ribcage. “Relena, wait. Before you do that, let us try once more.” He took her hands in a friendly gesture. “Really, he does care for you, I know he loves you.” You’re gonna owe me big time for this, Heero buddy. “Let me talk to Hilde and Trevor, and we’ll come up with a plan to make him realize it, I promise.”

She pulled her hands from Duo’s grasp and turned away. “Heero will always have a special place in my heart. He will always be my protector, my guardian of sorts, my rescuer. He doesn’t want…”

Fingers snapped loudly behind her. “That’s it!”

Relena spun around to face him. “What’s it?”

His eyes darted away from hers. “Uh, before I speak, I must think.” He turned around and started to leave, still talking. “I have to go find Trevor.” He stopped and doubled back, putting both hands on her shoulders. “Stay here and don’t let any terrorists or killers in until Heero gets here. He’ll know what to do with them when he returns.” He spun around again and barreled down the hallway to the stairs.

Relena blinked and watched him go. They’ve all gone nuts! She decided with a slight frown, her heart stinging once again with hurt only slightly different than before.

She stared at the last point he was in her vision, at the top of the flight of steps.

Question: When does the man who holds the key to your heart use a lock pick?

Answer: When he doesn’t want you to know how he opened it…