I do not own Gundam Wing. This fan fiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this. 

Chapter 16

Heero was glad Robert was still there when they arrived back at the house. After excusing himself, he sought the doctor out for some advice.

“I can’t take this anymore,” he said in desperation.

“Can’t take what, Trente?” his voice always had that calm, antiseptic lilt.

“Is it wrong to want to be with her? To tell her how I feel?”

“No, there is nothing wrong with that.”

“Then why do I feel like it’s wrong? Why can’t I tell her? Why do I feel like I’m being selfish to want to be with her? Doesn’t she deserve better than me?”

“Trente, these are all normal feelings. Calm down. Take a deep breath, and focus.”

Heero sat down, his head in his hands.

“Tell me what happened.”

“She said it again – that she loves me. She looked like she was about to cry. I can’t bear to watch her cry. I tried to comfort her….” He was up pacing again.

“Why do you feel like she deserves better than you?”

“What do I know about love? How can I possibly love her?”

“But you do love her, don’t you?”

“Yes,” he said softly.

“No one can tell you what to do, but I can tell you that if you let her go, you will be this 'Soldier Persona' the rest of your life. You will be miserable, and so will she. Don’t be afraid of being happy.”

Heero nodded.

“You are worthy of her affections. If you’re not, who is?”

*             *             *             *             *             *             *             *             *             *             *

Heero went to bed early, to think. “Who would be worthy?” he asked himself. He thought of Duo, and frowned. “Quatre - no she needs someone who can stand up to her.” None of those pompous diplomats that courted her deserved her, either. “Hn… Maybe…?”

He opened the photo album to his favorite picture of his mother. “Mom,” he said tracing her face with his fingers. There was no question in her eyes, only love. He smiled.

*          *          *         *          *         *          *         *          *         *          *

Heero left early the next morning, he had some errands to run before the ball that evening. Relena and the Ambassador were worried about him. She thought he was trying to avoid her. “Well, he won’t be able to stay away from me tonight.” She said to herself.

            Heero dressed in his tuxedo. “This is right, it’s what I have to do. I just hope Relena will forgive me….” He said and squared his shoulders. He took a deep breath and went down stairs to wait for her.

She looked magnificent. His heart contracted painfully in his chest as he slipped something into his pocket. He smiled at her, and took her hand. “This will be our first and last real date,” he thought, “I want to make it special.”

The evening was perfect. It felt right to hold her in his arms as they danced. He was at peace with himself, by her side. They hardly noticed anyone else; they were so lost in each other. And then it happened.

Gunmen, terrorists taking over – grabbing the microphone and issuing orders as they emphasized their threats with gunshots. Heero and Relena had been out on the balcony – a ring in his hand, and love in his eyes - when the shots rang out. He looked at her a moment and she knew it was goodbye. He was going to have to kill again. He kissed her quickly, but with all the feelings he had bottled up inside. And then his mask of indifference once again slipped into place. “I’m sorry, Relena…”

His anguish fueled his actions. Once again the soldier inside him took hold of his movements. A mere seven gunmen were no match for a former Gundam pilot. Not one protecting the woman he loved, anyway.

When the threat had been subdued as the gang leader drew in his last breath, Heero’s eyes met Relena’s from across the room. She was still holding the box in her hand. He looked down at the corpse in front of him, for a moment it looked like he was staring in a mirror. It was no terrorist lying there, it was the body of Trente Quincy. He had to go.

*             *             *             *             *             *             *             * *             *

In spite of the conflict, or maybe because of it, the conference turned out to be a huge success. A treaty was adopted that all the colonies were pleased with. The work was good therapy for Relena and the Ambassador. It had temporarily filled the void that Heero had left.

When it was over, Relena had packed her stuff and said goodbye to the old man. He looked like he was about to cry. “He’s around somewhere. He may even stop by from time to time – you never know,” she said with a slight smile.

He hugged her, and smiled. “You know you’re always welcome, here.”

She nodded, and let her guard detail lead her out the door.

*             *             *             *             *             *             *          *          *             *

Though it had been almost a month since that fateful night, the hurt hadn’t subsided. As the shuttle flew through the blackness of space, she finally let her thoughts wander back to him. She remembered the look in his eyes when he had almost proposed, and wanted to live forever in that moment. But try as she might, she couldn't stop the next image of his world crumbling around them, as he had to choose… And he gave up his humanity for her, and became what he detested once again. Her heart broke with those memories, and she felt like crying. But she would go on. She knew she would not let this destroy her. She would be strong – for him.

She looked out the window and saw a shooting star.