Emotions

‘Love like peace is a fragile thing.’ she kept telling herself. You have to feel and want it. She had forged peace, felt love and wanted it more than anything.

 

 

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The Gundam they called Zero twisted and turned, evading the incoming beam blasts from space Mobile Dolls. Heero Yuy’s muscles were completely relaxed. He was in his true element and content with the battle. Heero had allowed Wing Zero to integrate with his mind completely; they were merged and undeniable Heero felt… almost complete.

 

The beam blasts from the Dolls faded gradually and along with the cockpit of Wing Zero till a face filled his mind. Would this make him complete? Would she make him complete? His mind began to wonder.

 

She was running. 

 

From who or what? He couldn’t make it out. Struggling to regain his focus he concentrated on her again. ‘What is she running from? She’s hurt!’

 

‘I can see it now.’

‘She… she’s running from me.’

‘Why?’

 

Heero screamed, “NO!” The Gundam called Zero jerked back as if crying in pain.

 

Heero’s head flew from his pillow. Breathing heavily he turned and looked around. His room was quaint and orderly. The small apartment he called home was very efficient in its design. A computer terminal from an adjacent room hummed in the background and the clock on the wall read 4:30am.

 

“Three years is a long time to still be having these dreams.” He said aloud.

Utterly annoyed with himself,

 

“I can fight, I can, and I can lo…” Not able to say the word pained him, and the perfect solider did not know why.

 

The years following Relena’s capture by Mariemaia had seen a confused Heero. He often thought of the moment he fell into Relena’s arms. She had an understanding then of what he had gone through, what he is, perhaps what he had been then, and not a word was spoken between them. Regaining his composure after that moment was not easy, the feelings that swept through him were, difficult to understand much less to comprehend, and what is it he felt?

 

Was it, fear? Or could it be something else?

 

He secretly longed for that moment again.

 

 

 

 

 

“Excuse me, Miss.”

 

“Miss!”

 

Relena Darlian turned to see who was calling. But found no one calling for her. She turned and continued down the jet way to her awaiting shuttle ready to take her home. She had spent the last three weeks in space hammering out negotiations with two colonies regarding natural resource material transfers back to earth. When she decided to take her late Father’s position four years ago, she never thought much about all of the mundane tasks and details that would comprise the position.

 

Relena had matured and become a beautiful young woman that wore the mark of years beyond her age. She had become accustomed to the gawking of men even in her diplomat uniform. Relena radiated beauty.

 

She had little time to experience a so-called ‘normal’ life. Always running from place to place. Social activities were regulated to work related events, dinners and parties. She could hardly complain, but often sighed at the moments she observed of other people living a so-called ‘normal’ life. Not that she didn’t try but the face of a man not able to be forgotten pierced at her heart and soul.

 

She sighed, heavily as she observed a couple saying their goodbyes.

 

‘He said his three years ago, without a word spoken.’ She thought again for what must have been the one-millionth time. “Why can’t I say mine?” Relena said aloud.

 

Her shuttle left the colony and headed for Earth. As the shuttle sped away its hull could narrowly be traced in the viewing pane from the colony spaceport. A man bearing the reflection of Heero desperately searched.

 

‘Relena.’

 

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“Come to see someone off son?” A feminine voice cried out from behind Heero.

“Huh?” Lost in thought he muttered and spun around.

“You’re lost. Your eyes tell your story.” An elderly woman said to him calmly, almost soothingly.

 

Heero sized up the elderly woman speaking to him. She must have been in her mid fifties. Her face was worn, and looked tired. The woman’s eyes glimmered though showing the youth and beauty she must have once had.

 

Normally Heero would have turned and walked away without thinking twice. The complete stranger sizing him up visibly stunned him. Curios more than anything else, he continued the conversation.

 

“My eyes? What story do they tell?” Heero asked the woman.

 

“Tired you are, that much anyone can see. Your search is coming to an end. We both can see that.

 

I think you’re running from the wrong person.” The woman replied.

 

Heero’s expression changed on his face from confusion, to a cold and monotone stare. He didn’t expect the woman’s words to sear at him the way they did. He was tired, very tired. Tired at running from the emotions that had cautiously worked their way into his heart. Heero knew he had come to a crossroads, his path was becoming clear.

 

“I don’t know what I know.” He replied to the woman finally.

 

“The only way to live a good life is to live by your emotions.” The lady pushed on him.

 

“Love?” Heero turned his head as the word he was unable to say slipped out. He turned back to the woman, finding a broad smile sweeping across her face.

 

“I don’t know how to live a good life?” “Can’t you see that?” Heero chided.

 

She turned and walked away smiling. Heero stood frozen, he couldn’t move. He didn’t want to move. His path had become clear.

 

“You know. It will come to you Heero, it will come.” The woman left him with those words, and faded into a crowd.

 

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Relena exited the shuttle and attended to her baggage quickly. Anxious to get home and spend a few days off she jumped into her car, and informed the driver to take her home. He nodded and pulled away from the spaceport. It was fall on the Earth, the weather while still comfortable danced with a parody of different shades of brown and green leafs. She loved this time of year.

 

Her home was that of her late fathers, a sprawling mansion. That deserved at least a large family she often thought. Settling in quickly she had a bite to eat, and decided to retire to the study for a bit to finish up on some paper work, shuffling through mail she became lost in thought.

 

Relena had maintained close ties with many people who fought in the war. Duo and Hilde their marriage was strong and she’d never seen any of them happier. Dorothy and Quatre had kindled an ever-evolving friendship, which had led to the path of love. Surprising she didn’t see it four years ago, after the war ended, they shared something special, but never spoke of it to anyone. Dorothy never said a word even to Relena. She had heard from Quatre that Trowa and Catherine were still running with the circus. Her brother Milliardo and Noin had married two years ago, expecting their first child now. Milliardo had found both peace and love, although she often thought peace was the hardest thing for him. Her ties with the others had been lost in a sea of work and years. And then there was Heero.

 

Relena drifted asleep in her study, with his eyes in her head.

 

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“Miss Relena!”

 

“Relena?”

 

Relena’s came out of her sleep it was morning and found her self curled up on a couch in her study. Dorothy stood over her, jabbing at her to wake up.

 

“Dorothy?” Relena muttered.

 

“Get up sleepy head.” She said smiling. “I heard you were coming home yesterday and taking some time off.”

 

Relena nodded and got up giving Dorothy a hug. Their relationship had grown from one of angst and antagonism to true friendship over the years. After releasing each other, Dorothy held out her hand and grinned from ear to ear.

 

“He finally did it!” She said excitingly.

 

Relena looked a little shocked, but her face quickly changed to one of jubilee and smiles.

 

“It’s beautiful Dorothy! I’m so happy for you two.” Relena was happy for her friend, but sad at the same time. She tried her best to stifle it. Dorothy knew her too well. Both ladies teared up and exchanged hugs again.

 

 “Relena, its okay, I’m not going anywhere. Your day will come.” Dorothy said softly knowing that images of Heero Yuy had filled her friend’s head. Relena nodded, and wiped her face clear smiling a bit.

 

The ladies caught up on events over the last three weeks. Dorothy recounted her proposal and informed Relena of the party that the Winner family is throwing this evening to celebrate the announcement. Dorothy left shortly after lunch and Relena set about finding something to wear. ‘Going alone again.’ She thought to herself, but was excited to have the opportunity to catch up with a lot of old friends.

 

 

“Man o man, I don’t believe it.” Duo said shaking Quatre hand. “At least I won’t be the only one.” Duo finished letting out with a big grin. Hilde wasted no time putting a well-placed elbow in his side.

 

Duo gasped for breath and looked at his wife maintaining his smile. “Congratulations Quatre, WE are happy for you!” Hilde reached up and kissed Quatre on the check. “You’ll have to excuse my husband, he has a hard time knowing when to keep his mouth shut.” Duo winked at Quatre and continued smiling through his wife’s comment.

 

“Yep, she’s a keeper!” Duo said staring at Dorothy. Another elbow found its mark. Quatre laughed at the two and shook his head.

 

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Relena wore a beautiful gown that hugged her shapely body to a tee. Her hair was worn up but some strands along the side fell against her face, drawing her natural beauty out more. After entering the main hall she could feel the eyes of strangers gravitate toward her. She paid them little attention and quickly found Dorothy. From there she shook so many hands and said her hellos’ to hundreds of people she hadn’t seen in a quite a while.

 

Lost in conversation with Duo and Hilde about married life, she found herself sitting on their almost every word. Heero creped back into her mind. She had asked Duo, Trowa, and Quatre if they had heard from him at all. They all shook their heads no. Duo was perhaps the closest of all the pilots to Heero, she had held some hope he would at least keep in touch with him, but knew better anyway.

 

“May I have this dance?” Duo said holding his arm out to Relena. “My wife is already taken with the groom to be.”

 

Relena stood and walked out to the dance floor with Duo. He noticed how sad Relena looked. “Are you okay?” He asked, preparing for her reaction.

 

“No.” She said softly but wouldn’t elaborate at all. He grinned, “I thought you’d say that.” As he smiled and dipped Relena down, throwing her off balance.

 

“Duo!” She blurted out, laughing.

 

She danced with Quatre, then Trowa, and a few others. She relaxed and was having a good time.

 

“I think I’ll get some fresh air.” Relena told Dorothy, “Wait I’ll go with you”, but Relena had already walked away. A few other couples were already standing out on the balcony but quickly they thinned till it was just Relena. She walked to the end of the balcony and looked up at the stars. The autumn air was crisp and fell against her thin gown. Someone placed a jacket her shoulders.

 

She turned to see who was so kind. Her mouth fell open, stunned. “Heero.”

 

Dorothy closed the balcony door quickly and had someone rope the section off to insure that the two would not be disturbed.

 

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Heero Yuy stood in front of Relena Darlian for the first time in three years. A tidal wave of emotions ran through Relena. All of her feelings for him rushed back and pulsated through her entire body. She became flush as she stared into his eyes. She loved him. The years had filled out his frame well, he was handsome muscular and toned. Heero looked the way she had always envisioned.

 

After a long silence.

 

“I, tho” he started to talk. Relena placed a finger up to her lips as if to silence him. She didn’t want him to say a word yet. She had so much to take in. Heero nodded, respecting her wishes.

 

He held out his hand. He had seen her in his dreams, in his heart for years; he never imagined she would be as beautiful as she is. Her eyes pulled him into a trance; he was unable to shake off.

 

‘She wasn’t running.’

 

Relena took Heero’s hand and walked up along side him. Her warmth from his hand, seared through his entire body. His hand was going num. All of this emotion brought back the fear he longed for, with an entire host of other emotions.

 

Relena finally broke the silence she placed on the two, still starring deep into his eyes.

 

“Heero, why?”

 

The words cut at him, he owed her this, he knew as much.

 

‘You already know, somehow you have always known.’ She thought.

 

“But you left without a word?” She pleaded.

 

Heero didn’t move his eyes from Relena.

 

“I knew how to be cold Relena, I knew nothing else.”

 

Pausing for a second he finished. “For the first time in my life, I couldn’t fight it, I mean the emotion directly. I had to take them on, myself.”

 

Relena, started to speak when Heero took his finger and placed it over her lips.

 

“It wasn’t you Relena that I was running from. It was myself.

In my dreams, you were running from me. You ran from me, because I was running from myself. There was nothing, no one to fight. My emotions had always been with me.”

 

“You ran from both of us.” Relena broke in, a tear streaming down her face.

 

“I ran from both of us.” Heero said, as a strong pain ripped through his heart. “I ran from both of us…” Emotions flowed through him, they stung and filled him with joy at the same time.

 

“Relena.”  Heero said, almost lovingly. Tears streamed down her face. Heero pulled her close and placed his arms around her. The smell of her hair filled his mind his days alone were over.

 

“I’m not cold anymore, there is no reason to be cold anymore.” He whispered in her ear. She buried her head in his chest and tried to enjoy the moment shared between the two. Afraid he would walk away and it would be over again.

 

Relena looked up into Heero’s eyes and asked. “What brought you to me Heero?” Relena, had to know. She wouldn’t put herself through this again. It hurt her too much.

 

“I have to live a good a life….” Heero’s body tensed, Relena felt it and knew how hard this was for him.

 

“To do that I need you. I’ve needed you since we were young and I need you now. I love you Relena” His eyes watered, realizing he had now given her his heart and had disregarded everything he was ever taught. Relena’s face relaxed and a bright smile washed away any fears she had about him leaving her again. “I’ve never been gone Heero. I’ve always been by your side, even when you didn’t want or need me to be. I could always feel you. That’s why I waited, I love you in more ways than you know.”

 

Heero understood what she said, and he had no fear, his heart pounded and love poured through him. Relena, loved him, and Heero loved her. Their mouths slowly moved close until they became joined. A kiss that took what felt like a millennia to them both renewed what they had always felt for each other.

 

“He finally did it!” Quatre said to Dorothy. Dorothy nodded slowly and turned to Quatre smiling for Relena.

 

 

 

Heero shared everything with Relena. He had nothing to hide any longer. He even spoke about the old woman at the Spaceport and what she said to him. Relena silently thanked the woman for bringing him back to her. It pained her to hear of what he went through as a child, at least what he could remember. Her memories were so joyful. She became determined that Heero’s would be the same from here out of course knowing him he would make that difficult. She smiled and embraced the challenge. Their first night together was beyond anything she could describe; yet he never tried to touch her. They had talked the entire night.

 

“What do we do now, he asked Relena?” Before drifting off to sleep. She smiled lovingly at her prince and kissed him lightly, “It’ll come to us Heero. It’ll come to us.” They drifted off to sleep and slept the entire day away. His arms wrapped around her, keeping her safe.

Heero had no nightmares; he needed Wing Zero no longer.