Dizzy
Calliope
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Disclaimer:
I don’t own Gundam wing
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“Love
doesn’t make the world go round it just makes you dizzy so you think it
does.”
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It’s a white prison. So pure
yet so tainted. White isn’t a color
for a place like this. Why can’t it
be black? They should paint it
black. Or maybe gray. Whatever. It shouldn’t be white. Maybe I should burn it down. Let the fire scorch it, burn it. Let the inferno obliterate all of
it. Everything. Turn it all to ash and then let it
scatter to the four corners.
Incinerate it, and then let me burn with it. No, that wouldn’t be a good idea. Burning alive…doesn’t sound very
appealing to me.
I used to try to escape. I
used to punch the walls and kick them and scream and yell till my throat burned
and my breath was short. Then the
doctors came in and gave me sedatives.
Not anymore though, now I’m calm.
Hardly
anyone comes to visit me. They used
to though; they used to come and look at me with such hatred in their eyes I
couldn’t stand it. But lately no
one has come. Everyone’s either
forgotten me or deemed me unworthy to receive company. I’m alone now. Most of the time I don’t notice the
walls are white. Most of the time
they are black. Never gray
though. Most of the time everything
is empty most of the time she’s still alive. I talk to her a lot. People think it’s wrong, they say she’s
dead. Sometimes she is. Most of the time she’s not.
If
you don’t understand then it’s not a big deal. No one else does. It’s funny; this is their entire fault,
hers and his. I can’t be mad at her
though. I could never be mad at
her. She’s an angel. A living angel.
I
don’t know how long ago it was, and I don’t know how things started. I still remember it like it was
yesterday. Although the end is a
bit hazy.
*
~ * ~ * ~ *
She was mad at me. I hadn’t been paying any attention to
her for the past month and it was getting to her. I hadn’t even acknowledged our wedding
anniversary. Yes, she was mad at
me. And when she tried to talk to
me about it, I said she was needy, and told her that she knew my personality
when we were getting married.
“I thought I did. But I guess I was wrong. I mean, to think that you could ever
change just a little bit, that you could feel an iota of emotion I just…no, I
never thought you were such an emotionless bastard.” She said.
“Well, if you feel that way, maybe we shouldn’t be
together.” I retorted. I still
wonder why I said that. It was
stupid of me.
“Fine.”
She replied coolly.
I
remember it was drizzling that night, so the ground was wet and muddy and the
rain fell lightly on her making it seem like she was glowing. I remember her hair glistening. I remember what she was wearing too: a
simple white dress, she was also wearing white heels. And I remember being worried that she
might catch cold in the wet weather, or stain her white clothes, and I remember
not doing anything about it.
*
~ * ~ * ~ *
She was on the couch the next morning when I went
down for breakfast. I didn’t know
where she’d gone the night before and I was too proud to ask what I was dying to
know. She refused to talk to me for
three days after that. And she
slept on the couch for three nights after that. And after three days, I couldn’t stand
not being near her anymore.
On the fourth day, when she was passing me in the
hall I grabbed her arm and turned her around so she was facing me.
“What do you want?” She asked in a slightly annoyed
tone.
“I wanted to say, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention to
you before. I’m sorry I wasn’t
treating you the way you should be treated, I’m sorry. And this is all my fault.” I
said.
She looked at me closely, and then she kissed
me. A wave of something
indescribable hit me, and all of a sudden it was our wedding again. That day was the only other time I’d
felt something like this, so fulfilling.
I of course returned the kiss, and then we went a little
further.
* ~ * ~ * ~
*
When I woke up, she was gone. I walked over to the dresser and saw a
note:
Heero-
I’m doing
brunch with Colonel Anderson to discuss the Mars terraforming project. I’ll be home for
dinner.
- Relena
Now, Colonel Anderson is a nice lady. She’s a little hard core but it helps her
get the job done. She works with
Zechs though. And Zechs had just
arrived to visit. I was in the
process of wondering why Rena had chosen to talk with Colonel Anderson, a woman
who I could tell she strongly disliked, instead of her brother. And I was just in the process of telling
myself that it was because her brother hadn’t been on Mars for the past month so
he wouldn’t know anything, which was a viable solution/reason, when Duo burst
through the door.
“Hey man, ‘Josan’s gotta
go to L1 since ESUN wants to put a Preventor base near there.” He said
quickly. He seemed to be in an
awful rush, fidgeting nervously speaking quickly.
“Are you alright?” I
asked.
“No, I’m completely wired
on caffeine, pulled an all nighter last night trying to help Une persuade Mr.
Michaels that an ESUN base near his colony would be perfectly safe and would
help if anyone ever tried to take over the world.”
“Tell her to stay in my
house when she gets there.” I said, reverting to the first topic.
“That’s ok, see we got it
all figured out and she’s gonna stay at Motel 6.”
“We?”
“Oh, I forgot to tell
you, I’m security detail.”
“Hn. Tell her to stay at my house.” I said.
My wife, stay at Motel 6? They usually only have one bed per room. At least my house had more than one
bedroom.
“No. Pagan’s already
sending her stuff and—“
“Forget it, I’ll veto
it. She’s going to stay in my
apartment.”
“Fine.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
I really shouldn’t have
let them stay there. I really
shouldn’t have let Duo go with her.
But Duo was my best friend, Relena was my loving wife. They were the last people on earth who I
thought might betray me.
She’d flown up on the
twelfth. I went up on the
fourteenth. After all it was
Valentines Day and I wanted to surprise her. I called a cab that took me to my house
on L1 of course. I unlocked the
door, stepped inside and closed it behind me. Then I proceeded upstairs carrying a
bouquet of white roses, her favorite.
When I got to the door that I presumed to be hers I heard some
noises. Suspecting trouble I
dropped the roses, pulled out my gun, clicked off the safety, put on the
silencer, and broke the door down.
What I saw was the
single most surprising thing in my life.
MY wife, was in bed with MY best friend. Naked. Both of them, going at it
shouting each others names. Duo was
on top of her. I shot him. I put an end to their little “liaison”
if that’s what they thought it was.
She screamed and the rest is fuzzy.
Someone must have heard her and called the police. Then everything went black, and I woke
up here.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
I’ll never know how long
things were going on between them.
When I woke up here, Quatre punched me. They all yelled at me, called me a
stupid bastard. All the women were
crying and Zechs was ready to jump me.
I only heard the words “YOU KILLED DUO!” and later they tried to tell me
Relena was dead. I don’t think so
though. I don’t believe
them.
Ah, Dr. Jameson is
leading a newbie down the hall.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
“So, Dr. Jameson, isn’t
that Heero Yuy?”
“Yes.”
“Why is he
here?”
“He killed his best
friend and his wife and then he attempted suicide. He seems to think she’s still alive
though.”
“Really?”
“Yeah apparently she was
cheating on him and he caught her in bed with his best friend.”
“Man, poor
guy.”
“Actually, I don’t think
you could blame her, rumor has it he was abusive.”
“Gee, just goes to show
you how screwed up the world is.”
“Yeah.”
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
I…killed…her? I killed her. I remember beating her, I remember
hitting her, but I killed her? NO
no it it couldn’t be, I’d never I wouldn’t… I did.
I killed her. She is dead after
all.
You know what? I can’t help but laugh at this. I deserve it I guess. I deserve it all. Whoops, I see the new guy accidentally
left his lighter on the barred window.
Maybe starting a fire won’t be such a bad idea after all…