DISCLAIMER:I don't own GW in any way or Darkwing Duck (which is where the
other thing implied in here is from). Disney owns Darkwing Duck, and I don't
know who owns GW. Sorry! I'm making no $$$ off of this and no insult is intended
to either show through this writing. Please don't sue me. I'm just a woman with
a VERY weird sense of humor and I have no money. So all you'll get is
jellybeans.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: No pairings are intended to be implied in this
fic. All things in( ) are the author's notes. Arcive if you
wish...
WARNINGS:AU, non-yaoi, VERY OOC, and VERY INSANE!
FLASHBACK (or what you did see on
screen):Episode 44
SCENE: The pilots are with Noin and Howard on the
bridge of the Peacemillion. The main topic of discussion is Zechs and the
Lybra.
"Now, how shall we proceed?" Howard asked.
Wufei's answer
was calm and to the point. "Destroy Lybra. That simple."
"But will that
end the war though?" Sally asked.
"No it won't. On Earth Trieze is
getting ready to send a military force to space. The colonies will retaliate
againest that." Quatre reasoned.
Duo wasn't so optimistic. "But we just
can't leave Lybra!" Duo continued typing at his work station, then paused to
raise his hand. "I agree we should destroy it."
Trowa floated next to the
two as he spoke." Sure thing Duo, but CAN we destroy it?
Noin was in
turmoil. "Are you saying Zechs is our enemy?"
Duo was exassperated. "Are
you saying that guy is our ALLY?"
Noin stumbled. "Ah...
well..."
"Heero what's your opinion?" Howard inquired.
"Zechs IS
our enemy. And he fells the same way about us."
Suddenly, an alarm
sounded and a tech's voice was heard over the PA system. "Howard! Enemy MS are
approaching! It's a large fleet from the White Fang!"
"There you have it!
They've beaten us to the punch!" Duo exclaimed.
Concerned about his
Gundam's statis, Trowa turned to Howard. "Is Heavyarms ready?"
"Yeah, and
Altron is too."
"Okay, let's go!" Wufei announced and began to make his
way out to the hanger. He was quickly followed by Trowa and Quatre.
Duo
stopped next to Heero. "Let's go Heero!"
"Sorry... Wing Zero won't be
joinin this battle." he said in a monotone.
"Huh?"Duo was confused.
"What's going on Heero?"
In an eeirly calm voice he answered, "Gotta take
care of something."
(Okay that's what you DID see. Now here's what you
DID NOT see. Yes now the fanfic!)
Heero woke up feeling miserable. He
glanced over at his clock, then felt the horrible sensation come to him
again.
"Oh no! Ah...ah-choo!" he sneezed. It was followed by a succession
of sneezes. Finally he stopped. "Oh no. This CAN'T he happening. I DO NOT have a
cold."
He pilled the pillow over his head, but was forced to sit up when
he started coughing. He plopped back down on the bed.
"We're in the
middle of a shoot. I can't call in."
Dizzy and miserable, he forced
himself out of bed and out of his room to his medicine cabinet. He rummaged
through it looking at various bottles and pills.
"Footpowder...", he
pushed it aside, "...sunblock...", he threw it back in, "...cyanide..." Heero
regarded the bottle with a grin. "I wondered where that went."
He put the
bottle back down and rummaged throughout the cabinet some more then stopped with
a disguisted snort.
"I don't believe it! I have EVERYTHING here but cold
medicine!"
Heero slammed the door shut and ran his fingers through his
hair. then something caught his eye. A single dosage amount of 6 hour, full
strength cold medicine. With a victorious grin he reached for the
bottle.
~~~*~~~
Duo walked into the staff room for his coffee. As
expected Quatre was there silent as ever giving snarling looks to anyone who
spoke to him, who in this instance was, as always, the loving, kind, sensitive
Trowa. Quatre, usually would snap out of "hate mode" in an hour or so, and Trowa
and he would talk about going out to a bar or something that night, or catch a
movie with some girls, but right NOW... Quatre was definatly not a morning
person, and never talkative in the morning.
In fact, he was ALWAYS quiet,
except during filming. Duo found it amusing that Trowa and Quatre's on camera
personalities were reversed from their real ones.
"Good morning Trowa!"
Duo sang to him, then as he passed Quatre, "And Mr. Smiles!"
Quatre eyed
him evilly then groweled deep in his throat as he drank his coffee. Trowa smiled
sweetly at him in greeting and resumed his conversation about the
ballet.
"Oh man! We're outta sugar!" Duo said disguisted as he slammed
his coffee cup down, half full of the brown liquid, on the counter after a
desperate search for sweetner.
Trowa looked up with a grin. 'I bought
some on the way to work today alond with some doughnuts. They're in my
locker."
"Great! I'll go get them!" Duo said and pranced out of the door
in a strut as Wufei came in.
"If you say it's a good morning Trowa, I'll
shoot you." Wufei growled out as he walked across the room and plopped down in a
chair with a sigh.
"Bad night?" Quatre asked.
"He SPEAKS!!!" Trowa
cried in mock surprize.
The two eyed a giggling Trowa before Wufei
searched for an answer to Quatre's question. "That's the LEAST you could
say."
"I see.." Quatre looked up at the clock. "It's alomost 11:00! I
know Heero is ALWAYS late, but isn't he more late than normal?"
"Yeah,
your right. Where do you think he..." Trowa's speech was stopped when he turned
to ook at the door.
Heero, or at least someone who looked like Heero, was
standing in the doorway cloaked in a black mask, black cape, black clothes, and
a stylish balck hat. Heero walked in clutching the cape up to hide his face ,
leaving only his blue eyes shimmering peculiarly as he eyed everyone in
turn.
With a huge, awkward smile he trimuphantly yelled," I am the terror
that flaps in the night!"
Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei looked at each other
with puzzeled expressions and raised eyebrows, then back at Heero as he jumped
up on the tabletop. The balck cape flowed around him as he swung it back and
held his arms out in a strange victory motion. Behind them they heard a cup
smash on the floor and Relena saying, Oh my god..."
Heero pointed at
Relena and with an evil laugh he said," I am the cat who has kittens in your
bed!"#
"Ewwww..."Trowa said recoiling as Relena grabbed Trowa around the
shoulders and held on tight.
"Protect me." she whimpered.
He
pointed at Quatre and Wufei next. "I am the man who calls the IRS on his tax
cheating neighbors."
"Crap! He knows."Wufei mumbled to himself.
"I
am the JUSTICE that served out it's iron penalty! I AM THE PILOT OF WING ZERO!
MUHAHAHAHA!!!" Heero screamed in his own grandeous, dillusional
world.
"He's cracked..."Quatre muttered. "The Zero system has FINALLY
taken it's toll on him."
"I TOLD them that LSD gas would go wrong
eventually." Trowa said now protectivly holding Relena.
"You are all at
MY mercy! Let's get dangerous." heero said in a tone that sent shivers up their
spines. Heero jumped off the table and stood next to Relena. "Come with me my
sweet!"
He began to pull on Relena's arm who was desperatly trying to
stay in the safety of Trowa's arms. Trowa pulled her back in return, starting a
tug of war pulling him out of his seat with Heero's next tug.
"Qautre, we
gotta do something! He's drugged up!" Trowa yelled as he pulled back on Relena's
arm.
"How and on what?" Quatre asked stangind behind Trowa and pulling on
Trowa's waist for added strength to their cause not to send Relena into Heero's
private... whatever it was he was in right now. "Has he been
drinking?"
"No,but close.Smells like a good dose of cough medicine to
me." Wufei replied trying to get past the tug of war to get help,noticing the
familiar scent.
Duo came in at that moment with the sugar and the
doughnuts. he walked straight past Wufei and stopped briefly by Heero.
"Hmn...Zorro." Then he stepped to the middle where Relena was being tugged back
and forth. "Kinky..." he said with a grin, and walked to the other side of the
table, picked up his coffee cup, and sat down.
Wufei looked on
exassperated. aren't you gonna DO something?"
Duo looked around and
surveyed the scene, then looked down at the bag of doughnuts and back up at the
wide eyed. desperate group.
"Doughnut?"
~~~*~~~
Duo and
Quatre sternly held their ground in front of the writer and director on the
set.
"Can I talk to you about this script?" Quatre asked through clenched
teeth.
The director rolled his eyes. "Actors... what about
it?"
"We need to change it."Duo explained.
"Why?" the writer
inquired confused. "I thought you liked it."
"But we've run into a slight
problem." Duo said vaguely.
"Problem? What problem?" the director asked
clearly confused and annoyed.
"I AM THE TERROR THAT FLAPS IN THE
NIGHT!!!" a voice rang out from behind them.
The four jumped as Heero
came in veiw with a strange smile.
"I hate it when he does that." Quatre
mumbled.
"That..." Duo and Qautre said in one voice.
"What
the...?" the writer stated as Heero ran across the room laughing manically
towards Relena.
Relena looked over and screamed, then tried to run for
the door only to be stopped by Heero and was force dto run in the other
direction.
"Get him away from me! HELP!" she screamed as she
ran.
"Someone restrain him and put him back to bed! Trowa! Wufei! Go
help!" the director yelled at the two who watched Relena and Heero continue to
run back and forth. "Now how do you suggest we change this
script?"
~~~END~~~~
#Sorry Caesar, I couldn't resist it! It was
the grossest thing I could come up with at 3:00am!