I do not own Gundam Wing.  This fan fiction has no commercial value and I am not making any kind of profit or income off of this.  

Chapter 5

 

            Relena watched him go, silently losing a battle with her own heart.  She wanted to take the words back; an overwhelming desire to comfort him suddenly surfaced from a part of her she thought had been lost long ago. 

            She put her right foot on the floor to support her full weight, and limped to the door of the bedroom.  She didn’t see him in the living room.  She guessed he had gone upstairs to re-make her bed.  Relena hobbled up the stairs to her room, leaning heavily on the banister and slowly dragging her left foot behind her.

 

            Heero yanked the sheets back through the window, and slammed it shut.  It felt good to abuse the inanimate object.  He was angry with himself – he knew better.  To her, he was no better than Trowa.  He was stupid to think she could care about him. He undid the knots in the bed sheets, tearing them in his fury.

            “They’ll be of no use like that,” she said softly from the doorway.

            He froze at the sound of her voice.

            “I’m sorry…for what I said, for what I did today.  After everything you’ve done, I…was wrong.”

            He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the feelings she stirred up again with just her presence.  Determined not to let her see how much she affected him, he opened his eyes again and simply shrugged. His back was still turned towards the door where she stood.  He lowered his arms holding the sheets, and bowed his head slightly.  “You had every right to say those things, I don’t blame you.”  He felt a hand on his shoulder – felt its warmth through the thin cotton of his starched white dress shirt - and shuddered involuntarily.

            She felt the tremor pass through his body with surprise.  “Heero?”

            He closed his eyes to the feeling of longing that threatened to overtake his senses with her proximity.

            “Do you…remember?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Oh, how he wanted to forget.  But the memories hung in the air around them, thick and tangible.

            “Give me all the money!” a masked figure yelled at a store clerk…

            “It was a long time ago, Relena,” he said in his usual monotone.

            “You do….” She swallowed against the lump in her throat and the lightheaded feeling that threatened to bring her crashing to the floor.  “But why…why did you leave?  You didn’t even say goodbye.”

            “I had no choice.  You always were too good for someone like me,” he said keeping his back towards her.

            He couldn’t stop the nightmarish scene playing in his mind:

“Odin!” a voice screamed…

            “No…I never felt that way.  I loved you,” she cried softly, unable to contain the emotions clutching her heart.

            He shrugged her hand off his shoulder.  “Don’t lie to me, Relena.”

            For a moment, there was silence between them.

            “How’s Odin?” she whispered.

            The tone of her voice brought back a different recollection.  One of him and Duo standing outside the school, concern etched on his friend’s face.

“Is it Odin?  He’s using again, isn’t he?” Duo asked.          

“He’s gone.  Died of a drug overdose not long after I left,”

            “I’m sorry….” She paused.  “Heero?  Where did you go, when you left?”  Her voice sounded so sad, so sincere in her pain.

            He couldn’t help it; he turned to look at her in surprise.  She knew - she had to have known!  It was her father that had sent him away, and she didn’t care.  “She never cared…” He told himself and tried again to push away those feelings he had always felt for her.

She was crying, he noted.  His eyes narrowed with suspicion.  “Is this just a ploy for me to take pity on her, to spare her life?”

“You knew!  He told you….” Heero spat angrily and took a step towards her.

            “No!  No one told me anything!” She stopped crying and looked at him, her arms extended in a gesture of helplessness.  

Realization crossed his face, and he stopped.  “Don’t lie to me, Relena…” he warned, not wanting to let that glimmer of hope into his heart again.

            “I’m not.  Who was supposed to tell me?  Why did you leave?” She demanded, her voice rising.

            He turned away from the pleading look on her face.  He couldn’t think; his mind was spinning.  “Your brother…” he began.

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            Relena sunk down to the floor of her room and reflected on the mess her life had become.  A few days ago, she felt as though her world was crumbling – her heart breaking.  But she had gradually come to realize that it was never love she felt for Trowa – it was infatuation.  He was quiet, dark, and mysterious.  But she had been burnt by that mystery; her heart singed by his secrets.

            “Heero, on the other hand…” she thought wistfully. Her sullen would-be killer was a different story altogether. Those feelings that she had tried to bury all those years ago had surfaced with a vengeance in the short time they had found each other again.

She wanted to seriously injure her brother and father for sending him away….

            Relena remembered talking to her brother one afternoon - asking for a favor and naively confessing her feelings for Heero.  Zeches didn’t approve.

“He’s dangerous.  His brother is a felon and a drug addict.  You shouldn’t be hanging around trash like him.”

Her face fell at those words.  “Stop it!  Don’t say that about him!  It hurts me to hear you say such things, Zeches.  When did you become such a cynic that no one deserves a second chance, anymore?”

“The day I became an older brother.  Relena, I just don’t want you to get hurt, or something worse…”

“I’m not a child!  And I can’t ignore these feelings.  I love him.  I promise I’ll be careful, but don’t tell me I can’t see him, please?”

They had no right to meddle in her life like that.  And she considered it a serious abuse of power on her brother’s part, who was then a lieutenant on the police force and threatening a helpless young man with a record.  “Oh, how I want to give them a piece of my mind!” she fumed.

            *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

            Heero was pacing in the study, trying to gain control of his emotions.  He couldn’t take it anymore – being so close to her and yet so far away.  The revelation she hadn’t known what her father had done supposedly on her behalf removed the last barrier to his heart.  And it was driving him crazy – these feelings for her.  He had to distance himself; she was making him weak.  He couldn’t concentrate on anything else.

Unwillingly, his mind traveled back to that fateful day, the last time she had captured his heart…

“Why me?” he asked, rain running down his face in rivulets.

She smiled sadly up at him.  “I love you, Heero.   I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you.”   

            In desperation, he opened the connection to come face to face with Trowa.

            “Hello,” Trowa greeted him with a mysterious smile.  “I suppose I know why you are calling….”

            “Hn,” Heero grunted, slipping the expressionless mask into place over his features.

            “She makes you vulnerable, doesn’t she?  She’s getting to you.”

            “She’s your problem,” Heero growled.

            “I have no claim on her,” Trowa said with a trace of bitterness evident in his usually toneless voice.  “If she wants you, you must be a better man than I.”

            “Trowa…”

            “No, Heero, you’ve been lonely too long, my friend.  I’ll spare her life for you, but only for you.”

            “Why?  So you can own that much more of my soul?” Heero growled at the image on the monitor.

            “Of course,” Trowa’s face was set in that unreadable expression.  “Come back.  Bring her with you.  I like the changes she’s made in you.

            “Damn you, Barton.  I hope you rot in hell,” Heero cursed bitterly.

            “Give her my regards,” Trowa said, unfazed by his friend’s outburst.  He calmly terminated the connection.

            Trowa looked at the now-blank screen.  “Yes, I do like this change in you, Heero.  It is you who has a weakness, now.”

            Heero banged his fist on the desk, “Damn it!  How did I let this happen?”  He cursed himself and ran his fingers through his hair.

 

            Heero stomped out of his room, anger contorting his features.  Relena saw his expression from across the living room and froze.  Fear crept into her heart and she took a step back as he advanced towards her.

            “Get your things – we have to go,” Heero barked.

            “Where…”

            “Now!”

            Her eyes widened and she started to obey, but her stubborn streak suddenly reared its ugly head.  “No.”

            He stopped in his tracks.  “What?”

            “You can’t just order me around.”

            He stared at her.  She was standing up to him, again.  “I can order you around, and I’m telling you that we’re leaving, now, tonight.  Get your things.”

            “No.  I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on.”

            “You’re going to do as I say,” he said simply, a smirk forming on his face.  He was secretly enjoying the challenge.

            “Says who?  You have no rights over me.”

            “Yes, I do.”

            “Since when?”

            “Five minutes ago, when I vouched for your life,” he said suddenly serious, turning away from those eyes that haunted his dreams.

            “You’re not going to kill me?”  She asked timidly.

            “Get your things, Relena.”

            “Why aren’t you going to kill me, Heero?” her voice was barely above a whisper.

            “Now, Relena.”

            “You saved me?  You’re going to protect me?”

            “Relena…” he turned back to face her.  Their eyes locked for a moment.  “I will always protect you,” he said, finally putting his feelings into words.

            “Heero?” She let out the breath she had been holding.  She took a step towards him, wanting to feel his arms around her.

            “We have to go, Relena,” he said quietly.

            She stopped and lowered her head; then limped off towards the staircase.

            “I can’t begin to explain my life to you…” he said to her retreating figure.

            “I know…” she said gently, pausing a moment to look down at him.

            Her words made the hair stand up on the back of his neck.  He looked up to where she stood on the stairs.

            “I still love you,” she said softly, the look in her eyes betrayed the depth of her emotion.  She stood there for another moment, and then continued to her room.

            “God help us, Relena.  We’re in over our heads…”